Getting interrupted . . .

Post Reply New Topic

I'm an NT, parent to an HFA, (but I wouldn't be surprised if I had AS)--and only members in here will be able to understand exactly what I wrote.

Have any of you ever had the following problems:

1. You would like to say something in a conversation, but the exact second one person stops talking, someone else starts, and you can't get a word in, or
2. When you are able to open your mouth and say something, you usually get only one or two syllables out before you get interrupted?

This seems to happen to me constantly and I don't know what to do about it. I know the rules of ettiquette say that you're supposed to wait until someone else is finished before you say something. And the rules of ettiquette also say that it's rude to interrupt. But too often, I can't say what I want to say without interrupting someone--and when I am able to talk, I end up getting just a couple of syllables out before someone else starts talking (usually, they don't realize I'm trying to talk.)

One of the examples I've given is when I was in a group and people were talking about Pampered Chef, which I'd never heard of. It was a good ten minutes before the flow of the conversation stopped long enough for me to ask the question, "What is Pampered Chef?" and by then, everyone else had gone on to another topic!!

Is this something that tends to happen to people with AS--that they can't seem to get a word in edgewise?

I don't know, but I've experienced both all the freakin' time. I usually stay pretty quiet, I think. Also, I talk in this quiet monotone. Sometimes, I guess, people can't even hear me. It's a wee bit frustrating, especially while attempting to be a "law-abiding socializer."

This was extremely difficult & frustrating for me as a child - I would try to get in on a conversation & my parents would say "You need to learn to wait your turn." I would be almost to the point of tears, saying "But my turn never comes!"

Now that I'm older, I still have major difficulties with this - although I have learned some tricks over the years to help me cope.

First, you need to give signals that you have something to say. Raising your hand is too unsubtle - but you can use other motions. If you are sitting, you can lean forward just at the moment it seems the speaker is about to take a breath (this is the perfect time for you to take an audible breath.) It's very much like playing in a musical group - you need to get the rhythm of the person who is speaking (breathe when they breathe.) If you are standing (like at a party), you can take a breath & make a slight gesture with your hand - the specifics of what you do aren't very important. You just need to catch everyone's attention, both visually & audibly. I find it helps to remain still until I'm ready to speak, so when I move & take in a breath, people will notice me. Don't start speaking until people look at you. But when they look, you need to speak immediately - or the conversation will move on without you.

It takes some practice to get the timing right. Also, you can learn by observing others. Watch the people who are not speaking for a while. See what they do when they get ready to speak. You can actually help steer the conversation by focusing your attention on the person you want to speak next (this is also a good trick to know if you ever need to lead a meeting.)

If people start talking over you, it's probably because your signals didn't catch their attention - and of course, people are more interested in what they want to say than what you might have to say. Conversation is very often more of a competition than a cooperative effort. You have to wait your turn, but "turns" are up for grabs. Everyone is competing for the same turn. The people who are best at getting the group's attention tend to be the ones who get to talk the most.

This is a common inconvenience in my socializing ability. I think I need to open my mouth more and let out more air to get other people to hear me.

my friends usually interupt me and ignore which is why i have a annoying habbit of tapping someone to get thier attention because when i speak i usually feel invisible like a ghost

I get annoyed whenever I'm interrupted. I try my best not to interrupt others; you could at least show me the same courtesy.

If I really want to say something, I stare people down until they insist that I just say what I have to say and stop looking at them like that.

that usually happens to me most of the time. it's very irritating and inappropriate all together!

I have a major problem with this, but it's especially when I'm with other Aspies, because they often have a strong tendency to monologue. At times, it's simply formidable to break down.

-----Temporary tangent (off topic but relevant):
---Some people cuss by making the "t!" sound, like a clock tick.
---I think it is a British thing, (maybe an etiquette compromise)
---and it is used because it is the quickest pulse consonant.
Back To Topic:

"Slow" turn placeholders: Use them when you get the chance,
even if you aren't ready to speak yet.

Uh! (short pause) + What you are going to say.
YO!
I ... whatever you want to say, especially if it starts with "I think ..."
Ummmm How about... (short pause) + What you want to say.
HEY! It is an interjection, or POWER INTERRUPTION.
LOOK! This means there is something to SEE... your Point Of View.
HEY LISTEN! A normal and appropriate way to tell people what to do.
HEY LISTEN TO THIS! Another variant
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? Another variant.
HEY, DID YOU KNOW + (What you want to say).
HEY! WAIT A SECOND! + Whatever you want to say. It has literal meaning.
BUT WHAT IF... + (A question)? That is probably the meaning of "BUTTing IN".
HOW COME (optional question) ? I think this one is dumb but normal,
because the words make no sense. It supposed to mean WHY, but
in spanish they use POR QUE which makes more sense meaning "FOR WHAT?".
MISTER (LAST NAME) + What You want to say.
HEY JOHN! + What you want to say to someone named John.
A last resort:
CAN YOU SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE? When you REALLY need to say something.

Say these as loud as they are talking.
After a few tries and fails, if the house isn't on fire,
forget about talking to those people.

I DO say, "Uh!" and I STILL get interrupted!! !!

I've used a couple of these suggestions above. I STILL get interrupted. I once got out about four words before someone interrupted me. Usually what happens is I'm able to say the, "Uh!" before someone else starts talking.

I once got so frustrated about not being able to say anything that I threw a tantrum. No, that wasn't appropriate behavior.

I hate it, when people interrupt what I'm saying, or even worse, when they change the subject. Thanks a lot, people! Too bad I can't be as rude as you! I'd give you NTs a taste of your own medicine, by doing the same thing, if I was!