Going to a wake on Tuesday

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Hey all,
I'm going to a wake on Tuesday for one of my coworkers. THe only problem is:
A) What do I wear?
B) How do I act?
C) What do I say?

Anyone got any suggestions?

A) Formal clothes, usually solid black unless told otherwise is what I remember from similar events.
B) Act reserved. It is not a social gathering for fun, and your behavior should reflect the serious occasion.
C) It's best to say less, especially if you are unsure. "I am sorry for your loss" is perfectly acceptable.

Going for a coworker seems slightly tricky. If you can go with another coworker, you will have someone to talk to. If you go alone, you can look for someone you know and feel comfortable around to stand by. Best of luck.

There might be a Guest Book, which you would sign. Bring a pen, just in case.

You'll be met at the door by a member of the family. Say "I'm sorry for your loss." Don't say any more, like "Ain't it awful" or "My uncle died of the same thing" - you'll be stressed and might be tempted to come out with something - keep to the "sorry" line.

You say it's a wake, so I assume there will be a coffin in the room. The Greeter will guide you to the coffin and stop about 3 feet away. You go to the coffin and stand or kneel with head bowed and hands clasped. If you pray, say one prayer silently. If you don't pray, count to 10 or 20 (also silently). Then step back and turn to the Greeter, who should still be there. Say something like "He was such a good/kind man." Then the Greeter will go away and you can circulate. If you see members of the family, go and say who you are, how you knew the deceased, and say your "sorry" line. Personally, I don't circulate - I find a place to sit and stay there. But you might prefer to move around.

One more optional thing - if you've ever dined at their house, and if they are the sort of family that puts on a big spread, then you could buy a banana bread on the way over. If you're not sure, then don't bother.

People are stressed at wakes, and there is often some sort of upset - don't react. If you see something wrong, ignore it.

If you have a photo of the deceased, carry it in your pocket and about a half-hour after you get there, sit or stand with a member of the family - conversation might be like this -
>your "sorry" line.
>the weather (maybe "did you have any trouble getting here in this rain?"
>then say you have a picture of (name of deceased). you don't want to spring it on them.
>ask if they'd like to see it.
>if yes, let them look at it for a bit and then talk about the occasion of the picture.
>if they offer it back, say "You can keep it, it's a double."

All these instructions must sound awful! There's one more thing: none of it is obligatory!

You can't go wrong with black, or another sombre colour (dark green, navy etc.). Wear long sleeves and don't wear jeans or tracksuit bottoms. If you have smart shoes, wear them too.

Don't worry about how you act; everyone feels awkward at events like this. Just be careful not to say anything critical about the deceased (even if it's true); at wakes/funerals, everyone pretends the person was a saint, even if they don't know them very well. Probably a good idea to have a few nice things pre-prepared ("Fred was such a good listener... friendly person... party animal.. whatever...").

Wakes tend to be a little less formal than the funeral itself, so there probably won't be an official queue to talk to the family (if there is, just join it and shake hands when it's your turn). If you were really scared of approaching the family, you could probably avoid talking to them altogether and hover in the background. Quite often coworkers go up in small groups, so you could attach yourself to one, or you could go up by yourself and introduce yourself as a 'colleague from work'.

Either way, all you have to say is something like "Fred was a lovely guy to work with. I'm very sorry for your loss". It seriously doesn't have to be anything more complicated than that