New connection wanting me to get involved

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Hi:
I am a vlogger on youtube and I have my own facebook page and all that. One of my subscribers, who also has Asperger's, who responded to one of my videos about his situation and I gladly responded. The next thing I know he not only started following my page on Facebook but began sending me private messages to my personal FB account as well.

He is 30 and has a girlfriend out in another state across the country and he is planning on moving in with her and his family who are supposed to be getting him a job. Meanwhile, he has been living at home with his mother and stepfather who are quite abusive to him. To demonstrate, he has been quietly recording his conversations with his parents. Based on what I heard, she is very abusive to him and doesn't want to take responsibility. He has also demonstrated that she gets physical with him by showing me pictures of cuts and bruises.

He wanted me to call the police on his mother and the recordings but then I just felt unsafe doing that. So I gave him some crisis hotlines. He also told me that he decided to move into his grandmother's house for three weeks before moving out of state.

I feel like he is trying to get me involved when I barely know him.

I tend to take people at their word. But being an Aspie, this trait can sometimes be taken advantage of.

In this case, your instinct told you that he could contact a hotline himself if he is being subjected to abuse. That is a good approach. He apparently has voice recordings and photographic evidence that supports his case. In all likelihood if he reports this, he will be thrown out of the house. He is making plans to relocate to another state to his girlfriends. But this might be a pipe dream.

So the list of things that you do not know is:
Does he have Aspergers?
Is the abuse real or faked?
Does he have a girlfriend that will take him in?

That is a lot of facts to automatically take for granted on someone you have never laid eyes on. It sounds like you are following the right path of giving him council (advice) but not automatically stepping into action on your part (reporting abuse to the authorities). So you might become a repository for his evidence of abuse to prevent it from being deleted by his parents. But since he is capable of making the allegations himself, he should do it himself. This is especially true because actions have consequences.

As far as Facebook is concerned. I am not an expert but I thought that you have to accept him as a friend before he can get into your personal FB account. You can also I believe unfriend him and perhaps place restrictions on his access to your FB account. I do not believe he is at the level of stalking. But if he was to obtain your personal email address, physical address, phone numbers, then I would think he may fall under that category.

I am no expert on these matters, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

> He wanted me to call the police on his mother and the recordings but then I just felt unsafe doing that.

I would absolutely NOT do that. You have no personal knowledge of the situation, only hearsay. It sounds like you are being manipulated.

I don't feel right getting involved in a situation that I don't know much about and since his mother might be really abusive, I feel that if I called the police, I am worried that she would perhaps get a hold of my information and come after me.

I feel bad but I don't feel right about having this kind of drama in my life and I told him that I was too busy to be involved and really could not help him other than giving him a crisis hotline. He did thank me but I did not respond but he did contact me later the other night but I just ignored his message which he said we would talk again yesterday but I never heard back.

What should I do or say if he does contact me again via Facebook message?

refuse point black, would be my solution. maybe be rude about it. ignore that person (as in block their messages if they dont stop). they are grossly overstepping on u for all i understand. i'd have quite a kneejerk reaction to that. then again, thats me xD

Thank you, everyone:
I had spoken to a friend outside of wrong planet about it as well about the situation and he told me that I needed to tell him that I just need to give him a crisis hotline number and that I am currently too busy to get involved and then cut contact off.

Yes, he does have Asperger's and his mom has been controlling him because of it. When he talks you have to really listen.

Update: I told him what my friend had recommended I do a few days ago and that I could not help him and that he could only post to my videos on youtube and on my Facebook page. He contacted me one more time and said he was going to bed and would talk to me in the morning but I ignored it. I thought maybe he had gotten the message. Well, I got another one from his last night telling me how his mom apologized to him and that she was willing to get help. I wrote back and said, "That's great but I can't get involved in your situation and keep in mind this is a private account." Then I blocked him so I can't get his messages.

gj on resolving it. it must've been hard and stressful (would be for me), so high five.

Actually, it wasn't stressful because I didn't let it get to that point since I nipped it in the bud. Rather, I felt more uncomfortable in having someone who I don't know pull me into a toxic situation that could have been dangerous as well. Either way, I am glad that it's over now and it sounds like this Aspie has some tools to get himself out.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 20 Dec 2018, 12:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like you did the right thing.

well, congratulations on resolving it.

Thank you and thanks again.

Update: On Christmas Eve, I posted some vlogs and this same person who was contacting me on Facebook messenger, tried to bring drama to post on my video about why I blocked him from Facebook messenger. He also posted three sad emojis. I deleted that posting and unblocked him on messenger momentarily to tell him that I had clearly told him that I was not able to help him anymore. I also told him not to talk not to bring our private conversation onto comment section below. Then I blocked him from both my messenger and Facebook so he doesn't try and contact me again.

what a real, incurable attention whore xD GJ on handling it xD

I don't know if he wanted attention but perhaps didn't understand the reasonings of boundaries.

why not all 3? they wouldnt be harassing u otherwise xd

Not respecting my boundaries: Yes
Harassing me: It was beginning to get to that point and he even understood that I could not help him and acknowledged that I said "Good luck with everything," by posting the "Thank you sticker."

As a vlogger, I don't mind connecting with people who post comments.