Analysis of my irrational fear of extremely upbeat person

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There is this girl who works for me who I am terrified of because she is tall and skinny with rainbow colored hair and she is extremely upbeat and cheerful and positive all the time and everybody simply adores her and gushes about what a great personality she has...and how she is the most down to earth and easy to talk to person on the whole entire planet.
I was casually introduced to her, but there was no protocol established for me to actually engage in conversation with her, and I find her cheerfulness to be intimidating, as I find her insistence to always say something to me even though I cannot talk to her.

I am not intimidated by her because she is tall and skinny and pretty with long blonde hair...(and Flakeys girlfriend loves to point out how "hot" she is all the time..I am intimidated by her extreme cheerfulness..because it is a state that I can seldom be in, as I have hangups about everything...

I try to explain to the very few people who I CAN talk to that I don't dislike her, I am just too intimidated by her to allow myself to be cordial and engage in happy light hearted chatty small talk let alone acknowledge her with anything more than a mutter and a nod...and they all say that I am crazy because she is the nicest person on the entire planet and how could anyone not help but adore her and her wonderful personality...

Confronted with her, I find all of my horrible personality flaws glaring me in the face...because she is the antithesis of them, and makes being happy and sunny and light heartedly chatting up everyone seem so easy...When it is a rare and difficult state for me to achieve...She epitomizes the concept of NT in it's positive light...That she can so easily get along with everyone (except me)...while it takes a whole lot for me to be on speaking terms with anyone...and then also she is the complete physical opposite of my short pudgy sullen self...and far closer to what society considers to be the "ideal"...

So I am confronted with this person who seems to be effortlessly superior to me in many ways that seem to matter in order for a person to get along in society...

So that is why i am intimidated by her....Our businesses would be so much better if someone like her were handling the things that I do..and it is a shame that Flakey could not have found somebody more like her to be his business partner instead of the frumpy glowery dysfunctional mess that I am.....

I think you have to accept your shortcomings and make an effort to focus on what you like about yourself. Not that I've done much more than struggle with each.

People who others think "gets along with everybody," always put a knot in my stomach, because I usually turn out to the exception. And then others starts stubley hating me, becuase there must be a "reason," or that I must've done something wrong to the person, since everybody else loves them.

In my existence such people are 'dangerous,' not in that they have any bad intentions, but that interacting with them tends to go sideways, which leads to problems with lots of others because they are sort of universally adored. I think that's where the knot comes from, for me.

And watching people like that so effortlessly cavort and do what they do is intimidating, yeah. maybe some the fear is the level of social power such people can wield -- and not even deliberately, or with any bad intentions.

(I live like a hermit these days, tho, so that hasn't come up in many years.)

Well we can't choose how others respond. About all one can do is make the best effort, though it is hard not to take those kinds of failures personally. Doesn't mean you're a bad person, or deeply flawed or anything.

I remember some people one time thinking of autism as a culture, and that a lot of AC-NT clashes were much like cultural clashes. That it's not about being wrong, but having a different sensibility/culture/way-of-interacting that (unfortunately) isn't usually understood (or is usually misinterpreted).

Yeah, that could be tricky/tough. It could be hard to explain in way that a person would 'get it', and misinterpretations, and mis-assumptions-about-why-you're-saying it. But saying something could help. Just what to say, exactly... erg. Is there anyone who knows you well who you could ask "how would explain me/how to understand me better to someone else?"

I think the bolded parts are good (I mean I know didn't mean to use this stuff literally, but the idea of those parts, anyway). And the italics bold part especially, maybe at the beginning as a "main theme sentence" and have the rest flow from that.

I feel a little edgy giving too much advice, tho, never having tried to do that. People always seem to come up with unexpected ways to interpret/understand things. (Ugh.)

As for version 2, that seems pretty good, except for the intense self-loathing parts.

Seems like the point that: communication/interaction in the usual way is overwhelming, and may be different than what she's used to, and you hope it doesn't lead to misunderstanding -- is a good one.

"I don't dislike you, but you make me feel insane and like I want to become invisible, publicly hang myself, or gouge my eyes out with a fork. Please try not to take that personally." -- see? much better than my version.

Thanks for the advice folks...I will try to hopefully do this in a way that effective and not heavy-handed...I didn't seem to sound mildly threatening..I was just thinking about what others have said about my situation..on other occasions...as I am frequently complaining about stuff of this nature...

I completely understand. I feel like this with most people, like I can't interact with them because I can't get "up to their" level in terms of cheeriness. That feeling of envy is another barrier I experience.

I think the only way to tell if you will be able to relate with her is if you can find a time to talk with her one-on-one without other people around. I know it's not easy. If she's truly an nice / empathetic person she won't push you to "cheer up" in that kind of setting. She'll try to listen. If she doesn't then she probably isn't the type of person you need to get close to. But try not to look like you're purposefully avoiding her, just use the minimal amount of effort required to appear pleasant.

Also, I wouldn't talk about the problem you have relating to her specifically either in writing or in person. I'd just talk about my problems in general, at least in the first iteration of the interaction. Just say that you're mentioning it to her because she's new. As long as you explain your difficulties I think she will be intuitive enough to understand that you aren't trying to be rude to her. Also, what Janissy said about sounding too self-loathing. Don't do that or she might pick up that you envy her and it will make her feel afraid of you.

One more thing I might mention is that extroverted NT's can be extremely perplexing to us on the spectrum. It's just too easy to idealize people when all you ever get to see is the surface. Some extroverted people are uncannily good at wearing a social mask. You might think some of them are the most perfect happy people and then only much later find out that they have a whole crap load of personal problems. I've met someone who seemed like the happiest most perfectly upbeat person on the planet, only when I mentioned that I struggle with depression she told me she'd been depressed all her life and had attempted suicide several times. It's baffling to me how good NT's can be at hiding their problems. You don't really get to know people until you have a chance to listen to them one-on-one. It's easy to be totally off base in your initial assessment.

I think the first letter will do.

I myself am quite sympathetic to those with social issues, and I found that actually most people are when it's explained to them. They are usually very relieved to find that the person doesn't actually hate them, or anything like that.

Though you did imply you do kind of hate this girl but not for anything she did wrong and more for internal reasons.

I'm a bit wary of super upbeat people, myself. I don't know what to expect from them.