Wants to join group for meetups, but too embarrassed to say?

Post Reply New Topic

I have heard from many people that social clubs and meetup groups are fun and interesting and a good way to meet like minded people etc. They generally have a good write up. And it has persuaded me to try one of these myself just to check it out. The only problem is, I really don't want to tell mum!
Luckily there is one in my city called NSAAA and I looked on their website and they do an over 16s club where they meet every 2 weeks and they do a computer club and do other things like eat out and go cinemas and things like that. You see, I couldn't just sneak off because they're on wednesdays and in the late evening (7:00-8:30), and I would have to inform my parents about it, if it was saturday afternoons I could just catch a bus and tell my parents I'm going shopping, but I can't can I.
In 2008 at school one of the teachers gave me and my friend a folder with all leaflets and info about the group, and there was info about under 16's club (I was 15 at the time), I told my mum when I got back because it seemed like a fun idea but my mum was like "why do you want to go theeeree? You'd be the mildest in the room you wouldn't want to go theerree!" so that put me off. You see, 6 years ago I was a member of the organisation and I borrowed books from their library, my mum went to meetings, I went on a meal with them once late that November. So I don't know why my mum seddenly thought it silly that I go. Later on in 2008 in summer my mum and my friend's mum were on the phone and his mum mentioned the uner 16's thing, my mum siddenly changed her tune and asked "would you like to do that?" and I'm like "NO! I don't want to hang around THOSE, I'm nothing like them etc etc they'd be all weird etc etc". So I'd changed my mind.
Now 2 years later and I've changed my mind again and I've wanted to go to these meetings and clubs and that for a while and I haven't been going out much recently and I want to do try it out so I can speak to more people and hopefully find someone I know from college or something.

I am extremely embarrassed to mention it to anyone especially since what my mum said to me when I mentioned it before. Do you have any ideas on how to ask her minus the embarrassment? Should I leave my laptop open on this thread so someone reads it?
I really don't know what to do!

If you want to give something a go you shouldn't let embarrassment stop you. Would you need a lift to get there and back? If you do I guess you'll actually have to discuss it. If not then you could possibly just tell her you're going as you leave - then there's no time to talk about it. Otherwise could you talk to your dad or someone and leave them to talk to her?

I used to attend a similar group in my area, but one of the project workers was really starting to annoy me. I lost my temper with her and was quite rude to her over the phone. After that, I refused to attend the group, and as a result I lost my place.

Back to the point, don't be embarrassed about wanting to go to that group. It's perfectly fine to change your mind, everybody does it. Just casually tell your Mum you have been thinking about it and wouldn't mind giving it a try. What have you got to lose?

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the replies so far.
@Gremmie: I would probably need a lift with it being at night time and stuff. Although I have just checked the bus timetables and looked at the directions to the building and wrote them down. I was thinking of going up today to ask them for more info, that way I'd feel more motivited to tell my mum about it, but I haven't so I'll go up on Monday (the office is open all week). And if I attended the group and told my mum quickly that I was going as I got out the door I don't think she'd want that and she'd be quizzing me about it loads and saying "why didn't you tell me??" or "do you even KNOW where you're going??" because she's really paranoid like that. I could tell my dad, because it's easier to tell him those sorts of things (he wouldn't argue back or ask me questions he'd just sit an listen, being asked about it would just make me more uncomfortable) so I might tell him.

@AppleCat: Why was she annoying you what did she do? I'm quite curious to know.
And one thing I did recently was read to her parts of a story I'm writing that's set in that very group, and for ages I've sort of hinted by reading her bits and telling her what the characters do in the story. But I don't think it's working. I was thinking that maybe next time I write more I'll casually say "well, I think those sorts of clubs they sound quite fun actually" and then after a while tell about the the real life one I've read about.

I'm worried that my face will glow red like a tomato when the topic gets brought up, if I go embarrassed I go all defensive and I'd probably be like "NO I didn't say I wanted to go I just like the idea is what I'm saying!...." while laughing and going red.

I thought she was nosy, bearing in mind I didn't know her that well and she was asking me things I didn't feel ready to discuss. I know she was just doing her job, but it takes me a while to get used to someone and actually feel at ease around them. One day she phoned, asking me how school was, and I said,
"Mind your own f**king business" and hung up. And then my Mum shouted at me. I was out of order for speaking to her like that and I have since apologised, but I didn't want to go to the group again.

As a child, I was always embarrassed about wanting to try new things because I was afraid of the possibility that they wouldn't work out for me. Have you considered that might be why you're embarrassed? The story sounds like a good idea, with regards to telling your Mum you have been giving going to the group more thought, but I honestly think your best bet would be to come straight out with it. I used to beat around the bush a lot because of embarrassment, but it was so frustrating when my parents didn't pick up on the hints I dropped. In the end I opted for the more direct approach, because I didn't want to look back on my life when I'm older and have any regrets.



I still have this problem sometimes, but now every time I feel that way I tell myself that I don't have to justify myself for wanting to do something and we are all entitled to try new things, including me. And that goes for you too.

The reason I'm embarrassed is because of the type of group it is, it's an AS themed thing you see so I get embarrassed bringing up the subject. And because I'm only mildly affected I'm worried my mum will be confused that I want to go there because I get on OK with normal people and the others at the group will be worse than me. The first time I mentioned it my mum went confused and could not see why I would want to go there so I don't want to go through that again because I did the denfensive thing when she said that. I'm not too fussed about trying new things it just depends on what that new thing is and what the theme/subject is.
Ah sod it, I'm going to be direct, it's the only way I can get to do what I want to do. I don't want any regrets because I didn't try things out because I was too worried about what other people think!


Yeah, you know what, I'm going to be direct.

That's great!

Here's hoping it goes well.

Not sure how to handle your mum. Surely she would undertand that you want to meet other AS people. I went to an AS group and though i was amongst the milder members, it is just so interesting meeting others with AS. At first it was strange being in a room with loads of people with AS, especially when it was the first time I had met people who were medium functioning autistic for example. But after about 3 meetings my mind sort of adjusted to it and then I felt like just one of the group.

On Tuesday I told my mum I've always wanted to know what them groups are like and I said they sound good etc. And my mum's like "but you're seeing your friends tomorrow! You're already part of a group" OMG I just can't get through to her!
I overcame my nervousness and told her, and she stops me half way and I couldn't get any further because the embarrassment came again. She didn't realise I was being SERIOUS and was seriously considering this sort of thing.

I *lead* a MeetUp and I am AS. I don't care who comes to it, provided he/she gets what they wanted out of the MeetUp. Good enough for me. All I do is facilitate for the most part, which works for me. I don't need to say much, and leave it to the other members to carry the flow of the conversation.

im in a group, its fun