Invited to a party, chose not to go

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I was invited to a party this evening. I would only have known one person there, which is ordinarily not a real problem for me. However, it was a charades party, and I really can't imagine many activities that I'd enjoy less than performing silly pantomimes in front of a group. I seriously considered going just to be friendly, but I know it would have been a miserable evening.

As such, I decided to stay home and am feeling so much happier than I was when I was still contemplating going to the party. I have a new library book and have just downloaded Pokemon Diamond. Maybe later I'll go buy a smoothie.

I know that come Monday, the girl hosting the party will be sure to remark about my absence. I really enjoy solitude (and my own company!), and I wish that people didn't act as though this was incredibly abnormal. I just appreciate peace and quiet and the ability to do things on my own terms. I am a girl, and I think that other women find it especially off-putting that I don't thrive on social interactions and would rather hang out alone.

Anyway, I'm not exactly sure why I saw fit to post this. I suppose I assumed that someone around here would understand!

You must be rather attractive or likable to have been invited.





*secretly wishes to be invited to any party*

Well, thank you. It's not a frequent occurence, however, and in four years at university I haven't managed to make any friends. The girl who invited me to her party is a classmate; she's friendly to everyone, if that makes sense.

It was nice of you to say that I must be likable; sometimes I'm not so sure that I am.

I get what you are saying. The worst situation is when you know in advance that a social event will be miserable for you - in other words, nobody talks to you - but still go anyway. I imagine there would have been some point in my life where I would have gone to anything someone personally invited me to. Now, I'll only go if I know that there's some nonzero chance I will be accepted, or will be with good friends.

You're welcome.

I bet you'll make friends eventually.

Do what you feel comfortable doing.

I live in a town of 17 people. Thats about 17 more people than I wish to know, but they mean well.

There will be more parties.

This is pretty much what happened. I knew that the party would be unpleasant for me. At the beginning of university, I would almost definitely have gone anyway and then been sad because I felt out of place and awkward all night. Now, though, I've decided that I rather prefer to spend time by myself. It's been kind of a nice revelation, actually: I don't need other people to feel happy or enjoy myself. I suppose I just felt strangely empowered by saying "no" to the invitation.

This was not a particularly close friend, as I mentioned. As a matter of fact, I imagine that most of my "close" friends are like me and wouldn't ever host a party anyway. If they were to do such a thing, we'd defintely not play charades.

Even if I knew everyone at the party, the Charades game would have been enough to keep me home. I don't do charades.

If the girl asks why you weren't there, just say thank you for the invite but unfortunately I had a previous engagement.

Why lie? What's the point in that? Why not a version of the truth?

It isn't a lie. The previous engagement may be me sitting home and watching South Park.

The original poster, the person you were replying, gave no indication of having particular plans for her evening at home. If one didn't already have particular plans, it's a lie. Better to say something like "I just wanted to spend the evening alone", or "I'm not into that".

Luckily, this acquaintance has figured out that I'm "shy" and seems pretty understanding, even though she herself is very outgoing. I get the impression that she likes to try to draw me out of my shell, so to speak, which is fine. When she invited me, she even joked that she thought I probably wouldn't want to come because of the unfamiliar people in attendance and the charades game. Since I sort of figured that she anticipated I might not come, I didn't feel as though I needed to offer an excuse. She sent me a nice text message the morning after about "wimping out" and as far as I can tell (which is, admittedly, not particularly far), all is well.

I suppose that my plans to play Pokemon Diamond all evening might count as a previous engagement, but experience has taught me to keep some of my more eccentric hobbies to myself. I am 22 years old and female, so skipping a party in favor of playing Pokemon on my Nintendo DS is unusual and something I'd rather not share with my peers, if you know what I mean. When I was younger, I had no idea that all people didn't derive the same amount enjoyment I did from my favorite activities, but now I understand that others feel the same way about reading as I do about charades, for example. It's a useful bit of understanding, I think.

And yes, if there had been no charades involved, I would have been much more likely to attend. I also would have had to get a ride with someone else going to the party, which would have meant I was stuck if I ended up feeling miserable and wanting to leave.

I have a vision of throwing an aspie party where each guest is encouraged to pursue his or her own activity of choice, even if that means ignoring all of the other guests. I'd call it a Parallel Play Party, and no one would have to come if he or she didn't want to.

Trust me. It will all be okay in due time. Once in a while (without beating yourself up for not going and going and when the pain of not going is greater than the pain of going) show up for a party no matter how awkward you feel; because i know its hard. I feel ya.

Sincerely

Sam