I'm rude doing this but I dunno what else to do.

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So several weeks ago, an old friend of mine found me on Facebook. The VERY first friend I ever made and my best friend throughout elementary school. Truthfully I didnt make friends with her, my dad I guess found someone in the same neighborhood as me to be my friend because I was upset over having none.

We lost touch after elementary school and she added me on Facebook so I added her. The next day she sent me a message telling me how great it was that she found me and that "I hadnt changed at all" according to pictures she found of me that I thought I was able to keep other from viewing. Apparently I'm upset over the "never having changed" comment. Well she has changed a lot judging from her Facebook pictures.

It was a bad time to get a comment like that I suppose. People have been getting on my sh*t. I physically look like the chubby face asian child I was in elementary school. I wish I could say otherwise but considering what a pain it is to deal with this. Once I got my friends pulled over by the police after we left a liquor store, over this crap. That was a few years ago.

<---- note my age!

I guess it's my own fault I'm like this for having the aspie inability to update my style, put on makeup, put my hair in a ponytail cause having it down bothers me, or be able to afford to update my wardrobe period.

So I havent responded to her message and it's been 2-3 weeks now. I feel like an ass cause you know how NTs are. They get sh*tty if you dont respond to a message like in a long period. I do feel kinda bad though because this is an old friend of mind whom I havent seen or heard from in over a decade and I am dumbfounded as to what to say since her finding me was rather unexpected.

Aside from saying "sorry it took me so long to get back to you" what else can I say? How can I get out of this bitter vibe of NEVER having changed at all (one of many labels I've despised) and be able to converse with someone who's clearly a different person than the friend I use to know. I really doubt she and I are on the same social levels now. But then again how did we manage to stay friends for about 5 years? I'm guessing it had far more to do with our growing up in close range and the like. That's all I can think of.

She doesnt know I have Asperger's btw since I was diagnosed in 02. She added my sister on Facebook as well so maybe they had conversed about me without my knowledge. I dunno.

With the "sorry it took me so long to get back to you" you could add an excuse like " but my boss had me working overtime a lot lately and I've been pretty tired". This way your giving her a legit (though possibly fake) excuse. I see 2 options with the comment about "not changing at all": either not comment on the fact she said it (it was probably harmless) or you can tell her it bothered you somehow. If you tell her the comment bothered you it might be a good idea to tell her about the aspie diagnosis & throw in your not sure what she meant by the comment (if it was good or bad, etc.) Though, I have no way of telling you if its a good idea to tell her about the diagnosis or not (some people can be cool with it, others... not so much obviously ).

I'm going through sort of the same thing you are. I haven't talked to my best friend since New Year's Eve. She called me angry at me and we never spoke or contacted each other since. I've thought about emailing her to appologize, but I keep hesitating. Now I think it's too late. And my sister thinks I deserve better friends than her anyway. So I don't really know what to do about me and my friend right now. I guess we'll just keep living our own lives.

All your friend could see was how you look.

She does not have information about your current personality, so her comment couldn't have been aimed at you as a whole person.

It seems natural to have little in common with someone whom you have not seen since elementary school. What are the qualities of this relationship? Could this person ever be a real friend to you?

At university I tried to fit in to a group of emotionally immature, materialistic, gossipy, and shallow people. In high school, my mom tried to get me to hang out with "girls my age from church." Oh God, No. No!

I have stopped doing that, and I feel more confident in myself. Though I have a small circle of friends now, they are my real friends. Real friends look past physical appearances, and they see the best in you and what you have to bring to the relationship. This is my opinion, for what its worth.

"You haven't changed a bit" isn't meant to be insulting (unless its offered as sarcasm), it's intended as an endearment - she's telling you she's happy that you still seem familiar to her as the friend she was so fond of. While you may have insecurities and things about yourself that bother you, she's by no means putting you down.

As for that, there's nothing wrong with not changing, as long as you're happy and comfortable with what you are. Aspies are notoriously not big on change, it disrupts our comfy routines. Personally, I prefer the ponytail because wearing my hair down makes my face hot. Of course, I could just cut it short, but that would be a change I'm not willing to make. My hair is my mojo.

I have also always looked considerably younger than I am, and once thought of that as a curse. Quit yer b*tchin' about that, you're going to be very glad to have that problem down the road.

As for the delay in responding, I wouldn't fret over that too much. Some people only check their FaceBook page (or their email for that matter) once or twice a month, or even less. Some people deny and delete Friend requests without saying boo. She'll be happy to hear from you, whenever you're ready to respond. I don't usually bother with FB until I get an email telling me someone did something that affected me, like posted a comment on my wall or somesuch. Other people live on FB, they way I live on WP. What- everrrrrrr...

I will warn you about this, since you seem a bit hypersensitive about the experience already: It's likely when you do reply to her and say hi, she'll effuse endlessly about how wonderful it is to hear from you again, maybe ask about any mutual friends you used to have, or inquire about your family. You might hear from her two, three times over a period of a week or two. Then just as suddenly as she popped up, she'll go back to posting inane wall comments to her Non-Autistic friends and ignore you like you were never there. I could be wrong, she may invite you to lunch and rekindle the friendship like you were never apart, but my experience has been that Non-Autistic people on FaceBook are pretty much identical to Non Autistic high school students.

As for disclosing your diagnosis. Well, I did. I don't think it made any kind of impression on anyone. They didn't live my life, so they have no comprehension how important a revelation that was for me. Hell, they don't even have a clue what Autism or Asperger Syndrome means. Most people with neurotypical brains just think any kind of neurological diagnosis is a weak excuse for laziness or bad behavior. I'd save it until you see how she really responds to hearing from you. If she's really your friend she'll want to know all about you. But just from my own experiences on FaceBook, I won't encourage you to hold your breath.

By saying "You haven't changed a bit!" she's just trying to say you still seem to be the friendly, great person she remembers you to be. About replying, just tell her you've been so busy you completely forgot to reply and sorry, with an exclamation mark. Then go on asking how she is and what she's doing nowadays. Tell her what you're doing yourself (school, work, hobby's) and end with something like "Awesome to speak with you again!".

I wouldn't even be upset over that comment. I talk that way too.