Being friends with someone out of pity

Post Reply New Topic

What is the point in being friends with someone out of pity?

depends on why you pity them...

but I think it's good to be nice to people and if they have no friends because of a flaw that they can rectify you'd be a good friend for being truthful with them. Socialising with them will help them to adjust better to others in the long run and you probably won't get anything out of it, but it's a nice thing to do.

I have been "friends" with a few girls at school out of pity, what I mean by "friends" is that I stuck by them when nobody else wanted to know them. The one girl used to use me as a safety net to fall back on if she fell out with the others, and when they ditched her she would come crying to me and make out they had victimised her, and that was what made me feel sorry for her. When she was on good terms with the others they used to laugh and make jibes at me.

I agree with what Mikelight said though, it does depend on why you pity them. I knew a girl who was quieter than me and I felt bad for her because pretty much everybody on our table was laughing at her and calling her names, and she didn't do anything. Perhaps it wasn't my place to do so, but I stepped in and told them to leave her alone, and I ended up being on good terms with her.

I don't really know, but its a natural human thing to want to help others. The underlying motivation behind this desire might have different reasons.
When I was little I can remember thinking along the lines 'that poor kid, he must feel lonely, and I would hate to feel lonely like that so I will go and be friendly to him' and so I became his friend so that he would have someone to talk with and play with.
Call it empathy perhaps?

natural for some more enlightened folk, but by no means for most folk, who are too preoccupied with their own problems or concerns to put themselves out for anybody else, outside of their families. i wish i knew somebody like you when i was a little kid.

I have had people friends with me outta pity. and I know it was pity because they would ignore me often, and act different around me than in a big group. it sucks

I don't know what the point would be. I've never done it either.

the point is that you might need a friend too!

in 9th grade i had been alone for a month, and then a new girl walked in, a girl that wasn't very attractive to say the least, and everybody laughed when they saw her. At that precise moment i knew i could finally get myself some company.
i went toward that girl and said "you'll never have any friends here, me neither, so let's stick together".
for almost a year i had a friend and she did too. That was the point. We could both have stayed all alone and be bored to death, but what's the point?

I'm guilty of doing this. If someone said they are lonely here and they are looking for friends. Of course I would be their friend. I am always open for new friends and it make that person feel better. I like making people happy and making them feel good. But it also depends on what kind of person this person is. If this person is just a jerk or is very bitter, I would stay away. I would think it's a no wonder why they are so lonely and can't have friends.

I have done this on quite a few occasions. Most of the time I usually get pushed away after awhile.

Also when a friend or acquaintance is going through a rough patch, I have a tendency to smother that person. Until recently, I have thought that when a person is having a hard time, they want a shoulder to cry on so to speak. On many occasions, it isn't the person whom I befriend that tires of me, it is other family members or friends that get tired of me and influence that person to rebuff my friendship.

I have never been friends with anyone out of pity, though I am sure some of my few friends pitied me.

I've wondered this about my 'friends'.

I rarely see or talk to them, and only when I go to their house.

I've suggested that they come round to my place, but they never have.

I can't blame them though.

+1

I used to be a real bad-weather friend...

I know a girl who only dates guys she feels sorry for. Perhaps I'll interrogate her for possible angles on this discussion.

I am friends with a couple of people out of pity. The thing is I understand what it is like to be an outsider. I know the pain of social isolation and I don't want anyone to feel that way. These women I am friends with are genuinely nice people, but I don't feel like we are on the same level at times.
One has learning difficulties and she is just such a sweet girl. She is 22, but looks about 35. She's a funny lass and finds it hard to get on with others her own age and is often upset about it and I am there for her if she needs to talk. But we are not on the same intellectual level and she doesn't understand alot of things and I find her tiring to talk to at times, but she always cheers me up. She loves people. That's how we met, she just started talking away to me. I was a complete stranger to her but she just blethered away to me. I envy that in a way because I don't ever have much to say. It makes us a perfect combination. She rabbits away and I let her. She doesn't understand though, that she can be very intense to some people and if she toned it down a bit she would get on with people better. But she's so lonely she gets really excited and very talkative if she actually has someone to talk to.

Another has difficult social skills. She is very loud, but doesn't understand that she is. She has trouble with friendships and doesn't know why and I relate alot to her. She has no dress sense at all and looks older than she is. She is very intellegent but not with social situations, just like me. Sometimes I wonder if I should subtly suggest she read up about aspergers as I think she is definately on the spectrum, but I would never force the idea on to her.

The other is older than me and she's a funny lassie too. She has a tendancy to stare at you for too long and very intensely. I find her hard to talk to when it's just the two of us, but I feel sorry for her because she is on her own and I think that she would dearly love to be in a relationship.

I feel like if I don't take the time to look out for other people, who will? I am single and free and I don't have children to look after, so I feel in a way it is sort of my role in life to look after to waifs and strays because I am available and have the time. Sometimes it annoys me that I'm always the one that has to support the people no one else can be bothered with, but I am one of those people too, so we support each other.

There's a few people who I keep at arms bay, mostly because I don't want to be friends with them for the sake of pity. (That and most don't tend to be anywhere near my intellectual level, which turns me off.) But yet, they are alone and I am alone. I should perhaps just be friends with these people for the sake of having something to do.

And then I think of anyone out there that might be friends with me just for the sake of pity - and how I rather not have that.