So I have this problem with meeting up with people...

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The problem is that my mom pretty much has to know the approximate whereabouts of me at any time and if I had to meet up with someone, I wouldn't know how to explain to her that I'm meeting up with someone I met online

For those who are living with their parents, do they care where you are at any given time???

You feel odd explaining it to her because you know in your heart you shouldn't be meeting up with someone you've only known online. This is why we have parents - to protect us from our own stupidity while we're too young to successfully use our own brains. Of course, you should be reaching the level at which logic and self preservation instincts should be starting to override mindless impulse.

No, I don't know it in my heart, what my heart says is different from what my parents say. And there are even threads on WP for meet ups so I don't know what you are trying to get at here. Are you suggesting that those threads are inappropriate? Just wondering if thats your view.

When I was living with my parents, they wanted to know where I was.

I tended to leave a lot while they was at work, wouldn't have to explain myself until afterwards. Lying also helps, or half truths. Say that you're meeting up with your friend "X", and you know this person from a friend you know in real life.

I don't lie to my parents

I have the same problem only it's with my dad, he has to know where I am and what I'm doing even though I'm a grown adult.

I know the embarrassment all too well when you're living with parents. I still live with my dad and it's hard to get around without him bugging me every 5 seconds. I finally got to the point where I told him, look I want to be left alone and I'd appreciate it if you give me the option in giving me space. It's still not an easy thing to deal with but I really know the feeling. My dad seems to live under the delusion that I'm still a child who needs a lot of protecting in spite of him being an ass in the past.

Maybe bring it up with your parents and ask someone to pick you up.

I feel that me living with my parents, being 30 years old, and being unemployed (but very actively seeking work) has prevented me from having friends, and as far as relationships go, is something that very few people would tolerate.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 18 Mar 2010, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Not particularly, i mean she'd wonder and prolly understandably be a bit worried if i disappeared for a few days without saying anything at all.

But no, she doesn't need to know my approximate whereabouts at any time.

and as for your problem: tell her you're doing something else that would take approximately the same amount of time? Be sneaky?
(it's horrible advice so disregard everything i say, but it is a commonly used method used by many the world over)

But if you must insist on using such methods, remember to have a good cover story & also as a precautionary measure i'd tell a friend about who you're going to visit and the details. So that on the off-chance your online pal decides to abduct and/or rape you, or just otherwise is not who they claim to be and has used a false online identity for malicious and dastardly purposes, then at least someone can point the police in the right direction when you turn up missing.

My parents are extremely paranoid, too. The first time I've met someone online, I had to lie that I was going to my math club (it worked because I usually left for the club at around the same time that I left to see the person). My parents are a bit disoriented about the time, so if I leave an hour earlier, they won't ask any questions. They eventually got to meet the person I met online, and we also had to lie to my parents about how we've met. I'm used to lying to my parents now... but I find it hard to lie to anyone else besides my parents.

I guess meeting people online and getting them to come over to my place would be the easiest. But my parents are very private people and cannot possibly allow someone I'm meeting for the first time to come over. I guess they're too self conscious. Does not suit my way of living at all.

Now that I go out very often, my parents sometimes don't question the exact location of where I'm going, but sometimes they are. So I have to tell them, even though I always have my cell phone on me.

I'm sick of my parents. I'm sick of being under someone else's control. They won't let me sleep over at a guy's house, and most of my friends are male.

That sounds sketchy. I know exactly why your parents didn't let you.

Your parents are somewhat controlling... But besides that, they've probably gotten quite used to checking on you constantly. Even if they thought themselves not controlling, if you were to break from what they tend to expect, and have gotten used to, it will provoke tension. Not necessarily because they don't trust you, but because they've gotten so used to the routine, the custom. There is just about no way to make them more receptive to letting you be, except by breaking from the 'norm, over and over and over.

It's not unlike stretching a muscle. At first it's tense and tight, and the smallest stretch doesn't feel good. But the more you do it, the more comfortable it is, and the more flexible it is.

Therefore if you want them to stop checking in on you, you'll have to stop checking in, and answering calls, stop giving them details, etc. You have to get them used to their discomfort.
This would probably be true even if you asked them to back off, and they agreed.

On the downside, if you're 19 years old, it's a little late to start this process. If you foresee continuing to live with them for 2+ more years, though, then it's worth it.

Back when I was your age, my best friend had parents like yours. He hated the discomfort of getting his mom mad, so he always just kept doing what she wanted. He always avoided the conflict. He'd complain about it all the dang time when we were together, so I'd tell him to start taking back some independence. But nope, it was too much work, too much stress, too much trouble, and he was to lazy. "It's not worth the fight," he'd claim. And so his strict requirements never let up until he eventually moved out, and into a college dorm. Even then, she called constantly to make sure he was 'okay'. Absurd.

Personally, I was lucky. My father, whom I lived with, was very trusting and wouldn't call unless he hadn't seen me in a long time. And fortunately, I didn't give him any reasons to feel his trust was unfounded.

Lol. There's this one guy friend I have, though, whom I totally trust. I don't think he would do anything weird to me if I were to sleep over at his house.

If nothing "weird" is gonna happen, what's the point of sleeping over?

Because I was going to drop some acid at this guy's place and didn't want my parents to find out. Besides, he lives pretty far away, so there was one time when it was getting late and his parents didn't feel like driving me to the nearest subway station, and we were having fun playing a computer game, so I wanted to stay overnight.

What the heck?

Lol. I wanted to try a hallucinogen because people have apparently had very unusual experiences while on it. It was a one time thing. My parents weren't home, so I had the chance to try it. But my friend couldn't get it on time. I don't think I'll get another chance to do so, as my parents are probably not going to leave me home alone this summer. And summer is the only time to do it, because you need, like, 10 hours minimum to wait for the effect to fully go away. This guy is a trusted friend, and I feel safe taking hallucinogens at his house under his supervision. If you do it in an unfamiliar environment, however, it can be dangerous.

And yes, I like experimenting with my mind. I am an excitement junkie. I like risking my life and having scary or exciting experiences. I do these things, however, only when I have a lot of time to get over any consequences that may arise (i.e. sensory overload).

Last edited by MathGirl on 03 May 2010, 8:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.