Anyone an awkward clueless observer?

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I am one
My interests are intensely individualistic. I love reading, aquariums, origami and playing video games. "Now wait, Noodles," you might ask, "Can't video games be a communal activity since many games have a multi-player option?" Yes, they can, but in most cases the slightest hint of competition makes me nervous and highly failure prone.
As a result, during the rare opportunities to interact with people in an activity I should be able to enjoy, I end up watching. Since the beginning of my (very early and awkward) attempts to socialize through that medium, I have assumed the self-assigned role of the observer. While my peers bantered and laughed and whatnot, I would just say, "I don't want to play." and pretend to pay attention to the game.
I am also a distant observer during group-oriented projects. After the scholastic work is complete and the group begins chatting about clothing or products that reduce body odor, I can't do anything but slowly muddle behind their spontaneous and casual conversations. (I have slow auditory processing, which makes these experiences less than fantastic.)
My teachers and parents and everyone else tell me that I need to just "jump in" and that I shouldn't expect teenage interactions to make sense or follow a pattern, and that my role as an observer is my fault. I agree with the last part, but in fairness adult conversations are much the same... In any case, does this happen to you? What do you do?

Happened to me throughout public school and university, though I always volunteered to work alone rather than be in a group. In college I just got into the habit of not showing up for group sessions, since I discovered they didn't actually count toward my grades. Same in grad school.

Like you, I have interests that don't require or involve other people. I read a lot, enjoy scifi shows, and occasionally write. I'm self-employed, and work from home. I can go days without seeing another person, let alone having to interact with one. It's my preference.

But 40+ years of life and practice, plus extensive reading of psychology, psychiatry, and neuroscience textbooks, have made me not entirely clueless. And I've learned to err on the side of silence rather than say anything.

I have a lot of problem with this. In a group setting I always get lost - I'll still be thinking of a response to the first topic and they're way ahead of me so I end up just sitting and watching people. I don't get how people have this ability to talk about anything and everything - and I've always felt stupid for it because I have to think and process so much. I prefer to do stuff on my own, or at worst with one other person - with a group project I just want my task and then go focus on it so I don't have to be part of the conversations.

I can have good conversations, one-on-one, with select people. In groups, I'm hopeless. I feel like a pinball, being bounced around by everyone else and unable to get a grip on anything long enough to properly join in.

It's hurt my grades a bit because, as a grad student, we have some classes that consist of about twelve people sitting around a table, having a conversation about that week's reading. No papers, a couple of tests, 80% of the grade based on the conversation. I developed a "cheat" which was to jump in with a comment or question that I had prepared ahead of time before the conversation actually started so I could at least get one instance of participation in. The professor gave me a rather low participation grade which was somewhat balanced by my high test grades and I barely squeaked out a passing grade.

I'm afraid to go through ADA on classes like this because I'm afraid that the department will decide that I shouldn't be a professor if I can't participate in a small group discussion and will refuse to award me my degree (and yes, they can do that.) I still believe I'd be a good professor because I'm fine when I lecture a class and I'm fine when I encourage class discussion. But I think the difference is that in those positions I'm in charge of the event and I've prepared beforehand where I want things to go and I can just interrupt and put things back on track if I have to and no one thinks ill of it because that's what professors do.

I was really struck when I read an interview with Vernon Smith (economics professor with asperger's who won the 2002 nobel) and he pretty much expressed exactly the same things I'm saying -- that he did not do well in general conversations but excelled as a professor because it was more of a structured situation than a social situation and he was in charge of what was happening. So I do believe that I can be a professor. But I'm afraid to ask for accomodations in small group discussions in case my department cannot be convinced and chooses to shut the door to my chances. (Plus, I'm not even sure how I *could* be accommodated in a class like the one I described. Anything I can think of that would be helpful creates extra work for everyone else and accommodations at my university are only approved if they don't require extra work from the other students.)

if i weren't forced to be a clueless observer, i would never have been forced to turn inwards and discover spirituality. so that is the silver lining in the dark cloud.

My English grade has been hurt by this tendency, unfortunately...I missed 9 points for not asking a question in class last week. I don't want to make a big deal out of it because it feels like the kind of frantic point grubbing I've grown to despise. If I am forced to raise my hand and say something it will probably not be what I'm thinking about anyway and it will be the most inane and worthless comment I have ever vocalized.
Mom won't let me check out books at the public library until I get the situation resolved, but even when I fix it in this one instance, it's going to happen again Not that it matters, since I can use the school library and simply work around her rule by buying used books at the public library. Which means I'll have to deal with another silverfish infestation, but that's a complicated and somewhat unrelated topic.
I wish I could discover spirituality through this isolation I'm being punished for, but my seething bitterness seems to be deflecting those wavelengths
And...about the class that Sparrowrose mentioned? It sounds like something I would fail.

I'm usually an observer. I don't think it's because I'm afraid of failure, though. When I used hang out with this group of people I didn't want to play board games with them. Eventually they 'forced' me into playing I think I don't like to do something unless I've tried it a few times and I'm quite sure how to do it. Most stuff I just couldn't think fast enough so I just didn't play...board games, basketball team, softball team, video games, etc. I am more open to playing if it's a small group of people. Then I don't have to deal with the social + the fast thinking.

I am the same in groups, I try to avoid them. Even with the same people with only one or two there I can keep up but in a group, it's a complete loss, and too uncomfortable to even fake the non-verbal responses with that many people all talking at once. I usually try to get away. If there is an animal I will interact with it instead. If I can't get away sometimes I have to focus on something else (pattern of wood, instructions on the elevator, etc) to block out the group. If I am walking with somebody I know and we come to a group of other people (like work acquaintances) I usually keep going while they stay and chat... it's awkward and they don't understand and react badly but if I stayed and stood there it would be SO much worse.

I'd rather keep quiet and observe, than jump right in.