I sabotaged myself

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I sabotaged myself in making friends again today.
Why do I always do weird stuff to make people get scared of me?
My former therapist told me "you tend to like to shock people by saying weird things and scared them away."
I guess all I want is attention but I don't know how to get that...all I know is to shock people...
It's horrible seeing me sabotage myself over and over again.

can you stop saying weird things to attract attention, melbi?

PLEASE?

i do weird stuff and say inappropriate things.i can't stop that thats real me awkward,annoying.i never could stop that.only way i do that is by totally avoiding people.worse is when i drive some people away whom i slightly like and dont want to put on bad impression.trying to be less awkward is more awkward and difficult for me even for the sake of few people i care.

it is same with me here
really wanna kill myself now.........
i havent been feeling so horrible for a long time
i wish there's someone here to hug me

maybe i should just hide myself forever
maybe i should just escape...
maybe...

i wish i am not me

Maybe the key issue is the ability to stop and think (that comes naturally to me-I have to rehearse everything) but maybe if you could just train yourself to hesitate before you say or do something to assess it's impact. I know someone who has difficulties and she says the words are out of her mouth before she can think. It has really messed up her ability to be in a working environment.

There's a saying in french that says "Tournes ta langue 7 fois dans ta bouche avant de parler", which means "Turn your tongue 7 times in your mouth before speaking" (it certainly exist in english too, I don't know)

Well, do that, before speaking, think ! The major problem with that is your timing : you will speak too late sometimes, or not have time to say the thing you want...

I have the same problem sometimes, during a conversation, I just say what I think, and that doesn't always fit with the conversation...


What did you say ? In your first post ?

I do the same kinds of things, but not for the reasons your therapist mentioned. I find myself continually "testing" people to find out whether they are trustworthy and dependable, or sometimes I do that just to try to get them to take looks at themselves ... and of course, I often end up all alone.

There are people who will accept you just as you are, but you have to walk past a lot of other ones to find them.

It used to be, that I used to talk, before I'd think. I put 2 and 2 together, and found that If I think, before I say something, than I don't screw up. I used to beat myself up, for hours and days, asking why I've said, what I've said. Remember what John Lennon said about The Beatles, in 1966. He said that Christianity will go, and that The Beatles were more popular, than Jesus Christ. I'm sure that what you've said, doesn't even come close to that. I think that the people who've abandoned you, are a bunch of ignorant ninnies, who expect everybody to act and talk a certain way. I also think that your former therapist doesn't know anything about AS. If he or she knew anything about AS, than they would of helped you out, instead of presuming that you like to shock people and scare them away.

(((hug)))

i'm the same way... the last time i ruined my chance of fitting in with a group of girls was when i made an off-color joke a few months ago. then i got kind of drunk (they were passing around a bottle of vodka) and started acting pretty silly. well, i heard them talking about how incredibly awkward and "creepy" i am while i was using the bathroom later on that night. so... that was the last time i ever saw them. i was hurt at first and i wondered what was so wrong with me and i hated myself for the way i act. then i realized they were all just prissy college girls who all dress/act/think alike and fake being polite to each other. i didn't get over it completely until i met some people who actually appreciated my sense of humor. they were "different" too but i thought they were way more smart/funny/honest than most of the potential friends who have rejected me.

the way i see it, it's better to just be yourself or at least know you can act a certain way and not have to worry about being judged for it. i think you just need to find the right people. i know delightfully quirky/eccentric/open-minded people are rare (unfortunately) but not everyone is weirded out by a creative/freethinking person.

Observe and absorb.

I'm not a "people" person and my only way of meeting new people is at the workplace. Whenever I get a new job I'm very quiet and simply look at people, carefully listening to what a group I may be interested in hanging out with are talking about. First of all, I have to get comfortable in my new setting, and when that occurs I try to squeeze myself into their conversation. (With something applicable to say.)

Sooner or later I'll find some form of common ground with a person(s) and can even start having a conversation with them. At this point I can actually start interjecting my natural persona into these conversations and tweak it to a level that everyone is comfortable with. For instance, I love ranting about philosophy, corruption, religion, and current events, and when a group of people have been previously "acclimated" to me it no longer comes as a shock to them that I'm talking about subject A in a B voice, or what have you.

The best part was recently someone ranted to me about something! Yay!

Anyway, I think I'm getting off track. Here's a point blank version of what I'm trying to say.

Get used to the people.
Learn if you like what the people like.
If you do, start out with small talk. You don't need to be instantly noticed, just make yourself heard occasionally!
Over time, show off more of your personality to the people, gradually "acclimating" them to who you are.

Good luck and keep your chin up, eh?

Well you obviously have a concept of what's a weird thing to say, so don't say them.

NT's tend to be quite reserved with each other when they first meet. You should relegate your initial conversations to completely socially expected and mundane things when dealing with NT's as they scare rather easily.

However, if you are scaring them intentionally then maybe there is a deeper psychological reason other than the fact that you just don't know what is and what isn't appropriate to say. Perhaps you scare them intentionally as a way to try make yourself seem more powerful and feel less vulnerable in a situation.

If this is the case, then I give you the advice of the great and wise Bob Newhart...."Stop it."

Stop scaring away potential friends. If they are worth your time they will respect you if you respect yourself. If they aren't worth your time then don't bother with them.

Thanks for all your replies! I was talking to an Aspie.
I think I have this prob with wanting to be very close to ppl in seconds so I tend to scare them coz I'm wayyy tooo.....^&*&%^% and I tend to be very "up-front"......
Guess I'll have to learn to be patient and learn that it takes time to know someone, it takes time to build a friendship.

a big hug

I was once like that but have improved somewhat due to my thorough work on emotional analysis and conversational construction. I have two things to suggest: first, take some time and pick up some paperbacks on small talk. They can be annoyingly short on workable advice but if you read a few, the themes tend to conform into tactics. Try to work out a conversation-start plan; get some stories and anecdotes together that you can use interchangeably. Most importantly: try to start conversations with people where you can quickly bail: i.e. waiting in line, walking to and fro some common location, the coffee stand, etc.
Two, and this is probably bad advice so don't hold me to it, but in your place perhaps you could use something like Chatroulette -- that is, if you don't mind having to deal with all the... ahem... negative visualizations. Consider: a massive amount of people you have to entertain in a matter of a few seconds, or else they click away; no consequences of screwing up, since you can just click away, etc. Perhaps at the least you could get learn a thing or two about introductions from some of the more sociable members' greetings. But, as I said... this is probably bad advice considering the negative side.