I don't want a relationship, boys don't get it...

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daniellekbourke
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13 Jun 2011, 5:00 am

Whenever I try to turn boys down because I don't want a relationship, or tell people I don't like like anyone because I'm just not interested, they don't get it, especially boys...
I've tried explaining over and over and it always ends up with them asking why?

So, how can I explain this to boys?

p.s. Fellow aspies add me on facebook [email protected] ... I would like to know more people like me :)

thanks in advance :)



keira
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13 Jun 2011, 6:10 am

There was a time in my life when I really didn't want any relationship. I told a couple of men about it when they asked me if I was single. After hearing that they became obsessed with the idea of dating me. Maybe they saw it as a challenge idk. I didn't understand why they acted that way but I stopped saying that. A simple "No" with no explanation was better received than "I don't want a relationship now" even though it was always honest on my part.



RightGalaxy
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13 Jun 2011, 9:27 am

My brother who is gay thinks you might be gay as well but you just don't realize it yet. As far as heterosexual, neurotypical males go, the more you say, "I don't want a relationship right now" means the problem lies with you. They want to work with you to get you to see their point of view. If you say, "No. I'm not interested" means the problem lies with them - in other words - they disgust you. It's embarrassing and they leave. The previous group hope to get some sex without committment which is even more exciting for them than saying they want a relationship just in order to have sex with you. They want to get to the sugar, honey! If you dangle the carrot, you can get them to spend a ton of money on the activities that you enjoy. If you 'em some sugar, they just walk all over you. So, my advice is to dangle away, give nothing and get it all until you, yourself, and you are ready for a serious relationship.



CockneyRebel
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13 Jun 2011, 11:23 am

I agree about telling them that you don't want a relationship at the moment. That way the guys will know that it's you and not them.


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daniellekbourke
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18 Jun 2011, 2:25 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
My brother who is gay thinks you might be gay as well but you just don't realize it yet. As far as heterosexual, neurotypical males go, the more you say, "I don't want a relationship right now" means the problem lies with you. They want to work with you to get you to see their point of view. If you say, "No. I'm not interested" means the problem lies with them - in other words - they disgust you. It's embarrassing and they leave. The previous group hope to get some sex without committment which is even more exciting for them than saying they want a relationship just in order to have sex with you. They want to get to the sugar, honey! If you dangle the carrot, you can get them to spend a ton of money on the activities that you enjoy. If you 'em some sugar, they just walk all over you. So, my advice is to dangle away, give nothing and get it all until you, yourself, and you are ready for a serious relationship.


hahaha :) thankyou this made me laugh, I will use your advice



Benbob
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18 Jun 2011, 3:42 am

Teenage boys.. unfortunately you're probably not the problem :P


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mesona
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18 Jun 2011, 4:08 pm

If you want to keep the guy as a friend tell them you already have a guy. he is sweet kind and everything you need. NTs have a preset of rules when its okay and not okay to hit on someone. because you dont like them/not into dating does not seem be on the list.


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IceBoxJoker
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19 Jun 2011, 12:20 am

I usually just say that I want to be friends, nothing more. I then compliment them on being nice, funny, cool, or something else non-flirtatious and try to find a way to exit the conversation soon after. Works pretty good for me! :lol:


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