Let's celebrate our small victories

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I thought this might be a nice place to share those little victories along the way as we're trying to improve our social skills ... things that most people would say, "so what?" or "you're celebrating THAT?" but to us might be a huge accomplishment!

Maybe it's not being rude to a cashier who won't leave you alone. Maybe it's making eye contact for longer than normal. Or maybe it's trying something new to be social.

Let's hear it!

Last edited by Athenacapella on 26 Apr 2010, 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Here's small victory about my roommate.

I was called by work all weekend (twice before 6 a.m.) and got very little sleep. (And, yes, I do feel very thankful to have a job.) My roommate was out with her boyfriend and came home late both nights. I saw my roommate this morning, and she said, "It always bad when you're more tired on Monday morning than you are on Fridays." I *wanted* to say, "You're tired by your own choice. What do you have to complain about?" But instead I said, "I know, right?"

(edited for typo)

Last edited by Athenacapella on 26 Apr 2010, 6:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The truth hurts.

Yup! That's why I'm calling it a victory -- because I didn't say this.

This is a great idea for a thread!

I...can't think of any victories today though.

.....

Ofcourse I can! Today, I'm alive and well!

I have been thinking of a good news or successes thread for awhile. Maybe as something as a sticky thread.

I had some great if unexpected news over the weekend. It was one of those, check the barn, the cows have come back home moments. It has to do with a friend, that I thought I would be estranged from forever due to the events of our friendship and the history of it throughout the years.

About 20 years ago, my family took this young man in and helped raise him, due to his crappy homelife. It was one of the first friendships in my life and due the nature of my AS, I became obesessed with him. I also, in some ways due to the obsession and a lack of maturity and understanding, would sometimes make light of his situation. His situation became so bad that the state DHS removed him from his mother's home and he went to live with his grandparents. His life took off from there and has become somewhat successful. After he moved away, I tried to contact him a number of times, but was often rebuffed, many times tersely in rekidnling the friendship, including a couple of nasty e-mails. He was always congenial when I ran into him. Part of this behavior had to do with the on and off obsession that I had with him, which in many ways was due to admiration and due to my AS in the fact that I wanted a closer friendship than was realistic.

A couple of years ago, after the flood hit our community, I forgot about him and started obsessing with another childhood friend. I also became a lot more busy in my community, so I didn't have the time to think about him. I had basically wrote friendship with him off. Strangely enough, my flood and political volunteering and activism put me in touch with his aunt and others that knew him. They sent me his Facebook page as a suggestion for a friend request. He accepted the Facebook request over the weekend.

Never in my right mind would I of thought that this would of happened.

Last edited by passionatebach on 27 Apr 2010, 1:23 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I'm doing better at work. I can just about hold a conversation with the small number of people I've been working with directly, and feel much more accepted as a result. Being around people I'm not familiar with still makes me clam up, but I feel like things will continue to improve given enough time.

During the time between my last post and now (I took a break from WP), I feel that my eye contact skill is better and feels more natural. However, I'm still bad at holding conversations. Generally speaking, 2010 was a great year for me so far. I feel more NT.

Perfect for the occasion, this thread is! Just today in Maths class I got a girl that really really has a hate on for me having a go at me when I handed her a textbook... I just told her to give it a rest and moved on. I would normally go into a big verbal war with haters and rude people, which can cause distress in people nearby, but today was a true milestone for me!

Thanks.

First, this thread is an awesome idea
Second, I would have said none of the above (especially not, "i know, right?", that was a brilliant move! Where did you get that idea?). Too many bad experiences when I've tried to talk so now i just shut up Although if I did say something, it would have been the you-did-it-to-yourself version.

My small victory: yesterday when I got to work I saw a colleague smoking, the same one who said he quit. And instead of just kissing him hello and going my merry way, I stopped and said "I thought you quit", and then he said "it's not me, It's Cédric", and I kept going with the joke "yeah right, must be my glasses. I need a new prescription". Now isn't THAT progress?
And then we went on & complained about my boss (which is just about the only conversation i can hold), it lasted like five minutes, which is four minutes and 55 seconds more than my usual score

I now go inside shops by myself, and when I'm out with the dog I make more of an effort to speak to other dog walkers.
When I was younger I could never make the first move.

Recently in college I haven't been talking much. I've been pretty lonely.
BUT TODAYYYYYYYY a girl I knew from junior school approached me and said "did you go woodhouse?" I said yes then we had a good convo, it started a bit slow but I soon got into the swing of things. The first conversation with someone is always the best because I can use the fool proof questions and things that I use each time and the convo can flow more. I was mega excited afterwards though, a bit silly really because I don't think someone is usually extremely excited after having a 10 minute convo with someone but I for some reason thought it was awsome.

Also I looked at her more than I usually look at people, but that was because she had glasses on and light was reflecting off them so I can't quite see her eyes .Now if she just stood at that same spot each time I saw her eye contact would be a piece of piss since I can't actually see her eyes.

I was in San Francisco on business this past weekend. My victory is that I went barhopping in this one district just north of downtown with total strangers. Didn't bother me in the least. Left early because San Francisco is three time zones behind me. Otherwise, I would have danced the night away totally. I love San Francisco for its immense energy. I'll be back next year in San Francisco for more training and plan on staying an entire week. I love the city.

No one would have noticed anything Aspie about me that entire weekend.

Scott

Nicely done, Jazz.

Good thread, Aethenacapella.

It took me a bit to find out a good recent note of progress. It's actually hard to find because right now, I'm in complete anti-social mode. I don't go out, I don't talk to my friends, I don't bother myself with dating, I have little interest in meeting new people, etc etc. Depression. *shrug* Ya know.

Anyways, I did realize, however, that in my years-long quest of social self-improvement, my perspective has somewhat recently slightly shifted. For about 4 years I've been focusing on building my personal magnetism and working on being an easy, enjoyable person to be around. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be popular, and I worked hard(and smart) to try and make that happen.

That was until my most recent depression, anyways. But in ruminating on my perspectives, I've found that I'm no longer focused on matters of charisma, confidence, social success.... I'm basically good enough, on that end, sorta-kinda. I can approach strangers, strike up conversation, pull some laughs, get a date, and they either don't know I'm weird, or don't mind it. Nowadays, I seem to have become more focused on matters of adult maturity, and how to establish myself properly as a grown, respectable, self-sufficient man... Something I'm woefully deficient in, as-of-yet. I'll carry my hard fought knowledge, practice, and aptitude on social matters with me, but now I need to work on a wholly different facet of life. At some point, I'll be settling down, I'll want a family, and I'll want to be the paragon of a good father and man. That's my goal(among others). Charisma isn't the issue anymore, maturity is.

I figure that it's a good thing I've come across and realized this milestone, and a good thing that I've knowingly changed direction. Without understanding the difference, I could have easily conflated my prior priorities with old ones. I'm 28, so for the typical modern American guy, I figure I'm not so completely behind the curve, besides screwing up school(despite my merits, DAMN YOU, AMERICAN EDUCATION SYSTEM!). I am lagging big time compared to, say, my father's generation, and certainly prior generations, but I might not be so behind when compared to the current generation. It's a good source of hope, I suppose.

Ah. Big Up to HopeGrows for inadvertently sparking to formalize this line of thought.

Yeah for everybody's victories!

I have two to report.

1) I just had the most stressful day at work today in probably 10 years. I did NOT meltdown when I got stressed, handled every one of the surprise requests pleasantly, and the one that didn't go great, I just said, "I'll look at this tomorrow," although I could have been more pleasant.

2) I went to a support group for aspies that's just starting here, even though I didn't want to go. Although I think I was too loud and excitable at time, I let other people speak, and only interrupted one time, when I said, "I'm sorry, can I interrupt you for a second?" to say something really important. I wish I hadn't have interrupted, but it still went well.

For #1 - Congrats for not melting down... you should be proud of yourself for having endured the day you did. Of course, you would have liked to have had a more pleasant reaction. #2 - I am very happy that you have the opportunity to attend an aspies support group. Where I live, there is none. I have thought of starting one, but have too much on my plate to do that at this time. Congrats for letting other people speak. I am glad things went well for you.

More continued success to you....