Does this sound familiar

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I've been trying to figure out a lot of things lately. Some have to do with social issues... Here is one that is bothering me the most.

I don't "feel like i should care"
Instead... I think "I should care" Then i have to proceed to ... I hate calling it "act like I care" because that is my version of caring. It is no less real, but the things regarding emotion to me, it's like i have to think each one of them out, and then consciously act on them. There is never that knee jerk reaction to do something for someone I love that I see in other people... It's always a thought out and acted upon choice.

Is this possibly because of the messed up brain wiring in Aspies? mis-directing emotional issues to the conscious mind instead of to the subconscious mind where it sent in NTs?

I honestly think this is why I can only spend so much time around people in general, because I have to spend all my energy just trying to catch what they're implying, and even at that I get so little and miss so much. Heck it takes so much of my concentration to get just even 10% of it, that I can't even manage to pay attention to what they're talking about half the time.

For years, I used to think it was that i was just a very distracted person... maybe it is. But i've been paying a lot more attention to these distractions lately, trying to figure out the why of it, so that I can possibly do something about it.

Also i've considered it's part of PTSD.. where as a child I was forced to believe what i was told to believe, and do what i was supposed to do, to the point that i never once questioned it... It was part of my religion to believe that any act of free will was a sin, and punishable by eternity in hell. (there is more to that too, but that's a good general description)
I hate that my childhood was destroyed like that, and the desire to exert my own free will is a major issue in every day of my life.
But on the emotional side, hard as it is to remember young childhood for me. I don't ever remember emotions coming easily.
But also, emotions were for the most part bad too, maybe i learned as a child to block them, or redirect them so that I could pass judgement upon them before acting on them.

Anyways the whole thing really causes me to look very aloof when among people.
It causes me to need to get away from people totally too often so that i can slow down my mind and recuperate.
But mostly, it makes people thing i'm a robot, I can "fool" some less observant people with this mask that i have to wear, but I can't fool the more observant, and those that are closest to me.
It's hard to describe all this to people too. I tend to feel like they'll just see it as me trying to cover up for my lack of caring... An excuse.
Others i fear see it like i've pushed emotion away... When I think in reality it's because its so close to me, that i have to do it consciously, and cant just relegate it to the back recesses of my mind like everyone else does.

I also wonder if it has something to do with the fact that eye contact is extremely painful for me.... it's like information overload.
Anyone else feel the same way? Heck... anyone else even understand what the heck i just said?

I'm well acquainted with that feeling of foggy indifference. It angers my parents to no end
It does bother me though... I'd like to care in a lot of situations. What you said that you didn't like saying that you were acting like you cared because it is your version of caring is a decent way of articulating something I've been puzzling over for a while. My theory is that it has more to do with a lack of appreciation for long term consequences. I know what the consequences are, I just can't force myself to give a damn about them. I sort of live that way with the knowledge that it is wrong and things seem to work out anyway. Somehow.
Of course I do care way too much about things I know that shouldn't matter...like sticking to predetermined plans for going out or staying in is vital, but interest/emotional investment in a plan about college or some other theoretically important junk has to be faked.
It's why I got terrible grades last year.