appropriate response after someone does you a favor?

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So I locked myself out of my car after martial arts practice and the instructor waited until the locksmith came and paid the fee for me - I said I would pay him back next class but he said not to worry about it. Should I still pay him back (I *may* be able to get reimbursed from my insurance company), or should I just send him an email saying thanks for helping me out of a jam or something?

No, dont pay him back. He said not to, so dont. It was just a nice gesture. It would be like treating someone to dinner at a resturaunt, and paying for them. And they demand that they pay me back, I would be quite annoyed. A favor is a favor.

A thank you on a nice card would be great.

Do not hesitate to help him when he needs it.

Do not hesitate to help him when he needs it.

I like the idea of sending a card just to say thanks -- it's a nice gesture and I'm sure he'll be glad to know he made your day better.

I like the idea of a nice thank you card. Say something like this:

"I just wanted to drop a note saying 'thank you' for helping with my car. Your kindness really made my day. Sincerely,"

and then sign your name.

when someone does something for me, i like to pay cash.

i can not give them appreciation or friendship or stuff like that, so i am afraid cash is all they will get.

You might consider offering to take him to lunch sometime (and you pay for it, but it's not phrased that way, just "may I treat you to lunch" is the usual.) That's a very common way of saying thank you. It's like paying him the money back without actually paying him the money back so he still gets to feel happy at being generous when he paid for you. Plus you will be spending social time with him that way and many people appreciate what that symbolizes far more than the money.

I'm with the "thank you card" crew!

But if by chance you DO get reimbursed by your insurance, the "morally right" thing to do would be to pay him back with an explanation that your insurance picked it up. If he won't accept it, THEN I would offer coffee/lunch/whatever, but ONLY if you're comfortable with that scenario. Otherwise, you could go for a nice bottle of wine or a shiny new pair of nunchaku for him

This kind of reciprocal giving is a part of the bonding process between neurotypicals. Take the opportunity for sure!

Yes, for a long time I wondered why people exchange presents because if I send $10 and you spend $10 and then we give each other something the other sort of likes, wouldn't it make more sense to just spend the $10 on myself and get something I REALLY wanted?

But it was explained to me that when someone gives a gift it's like they're giving a part of themselves because they don't just give the thing, they give the thought it took to decide on the thing and the time they were thinking about you as they picked it out and all that kind of stuff so if you don't at least pretend to be happy about it, it's like rejecting a piece of them.

Because I can so identify with Sheldon's view of gift-giving, I love this scene in Big Bang Theory:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8ghizM7Dto

excerpt:

You should thank him again for waiting with you and paying for the lock, but I wouldn't send a card (too formal)

Locksmiths are quite expensive so you should definitely pay him back, regardless of whether your insurance pays up. Even if he tells you 'it's ok', insist and tell him you'd feel bad if you didn't.

Also keep an eye out in future for anytime he needs help as it would be nice to repay the favour.

Ditto.
That's the thing to do, at least in my opinion too.

Actually, I change my mind regarding the note. Lene is right, it might be too formal.

I'm a 39 year old woman and I was thinking from my own perspective. For a guy, especially a younger guy - it might look too formal.

And I didn't know that locksmiths were very expensive so I also change my mind and say you should insist on re-paying him.

I get so confused with the "no, it's okay" sort of thing because sometimes you're supposed to let them and sometimes you're supposed to insist and I can never tell which time and I think other people can't, either, because I have had people insist and insist when I didn't want them to until I finally gave up and let them because it was easier than continueing.

But, yeah, locksmiths are expensive, you should insist on re-paying. Or that's my thought anyway, for whatever that's worth.

I find that a simple thank you goes a long way.

He's your Martial Arts instructor, come on, you should know this stuff. You now owe him a debt which can either be repaid with money, or by payment in kind (another item of similar value) or you perform one or more similar kind acts for other people until you feel that your conscience is clear.

Don't they teach the principles of Bushido these days?

Vanilla_Slice