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jc6chan
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10 Jun 2010, 5:04 pm

Ok so today I had a lab session at school and my lab partner told me how she was going to a BBQ at her residence after the lab session and said how she was really tired and all. So I kind of jokingly said to her "maybe I should sneak by and have some burgers" (I did not live in the residence). Now, I was not serious and I did not expect to go to the BBQ. As the lab session came to an end, she asked me "wanna get something to eat?" and I said something that suggested approval (like "sure" or "ya") and I even said "saves me my cooking time". She even kinda waited for me and we walked out of class together. I told her (before we left) that I left my bike at a certain place and it was only a little bit of a detour to get the bike. So we walked until I had to take another path to get my bike and she all of a sudden said "see ya next week." I didn't want to look weird and say something like "but I thought we were going to the BBQ together" since it was just free food, no big deal. So instead i said "see ya" and started to wonder what just happened.



Janissy
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10 Jun 2010, 6:00 pm

Just from what you say, it sounded like she actually missed a cue. It sounds like she didn't get that you said "yes" to her invitation. Maybe your "saves me some cooking time" sounded sarcastic rather than excited about going with her??????



kate123A
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10 Jun 2010, 6:02 pm

my guess is the bike was parked somewhere a bit off from where people were she got uncomfortable started thinking hmm we're far off so and so is a bit weird so she got uncomfortable and changed her mind. However, I could be really off about this as I seldom get things right concerning what other women are thinking.



jc6chan
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10 Jun 2010, 6:21 pm

Janissy wrote:
Just from what you say, it sounded like she actually missed a cue. It sounds like she didn't get that you said "yes" to her invitation. Maybe your "saves me some cooking time" sounded sarcastic rather than excited about going with her??????

Maybe. But all the signs suggest otherwise. I told her that I parked my bike at a certain place. Why would I tell her if I wasn't planning to walk with her to the BBQ? Also, she waited for me to start walking together. I don't know, maybe everything just fitted together nicely by coincidence until she said "see you next week".



jc6chan
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10 Jun 2010, 6:26 pm

kate123A wrote:
my guess is the bike was parked somewhere a bit off from where people were she got uncomfortable started thinking hmm we're far off so and so is a bit weird so she got uncomfortable and changed her mind. However, I could be really off about this as I seldom get things right concerning what other women are thinking.

No, the bike was pretty much on campus. It passes by one of the routes where there is almost always a constant flow of people walking by.



Lene
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10 Jun 2010, 9:14 pm

I could be completely wrong here, but it sounds like she may have a crush on you. If she doesn't usually ask guys out for meals, it might have taken her a lot of courage to mention the BBQ and ask if you wanted to get something to eat (sometimes this can be a way to ask someone out/hint that you like them). Your casual reply may have been a bit of a slap in the face (I know you didn't mean it to be).

After that, stopping to pick up your bike, whilst just a normal action in your mind, may have been given greater significance in her mind (i.e. "ooh, he's looking for an excuse to avoid getting something to eat.. he's obviously not that interested in me if he would rather wander around campus instead"etc.).

She may simply have gotten cold feet, or frustrated that getting something to eat wasn't that big a deal to you as it was to her. Nobody wants to feel stupid, so she blew you off instead. It's kind of a reflex thing; when someone feels hurt/rejected, they lash out and reject the other person back.

Before anyone dismisses this as 'NT mind games' or anything like that, it's just normal behaviour of shy, inexperienced people. Aspies are just as guilty of it if this forum is anything to go by.

Maybe next time your in class, you should ask her if she wants to get something to eat- just to show that you weren't rejecting her. You don't have to though, and if you don't mention it, it'll just get forgotten (she might not ask you to something again, that's all)>



Last edited by Lene on 10 Jun 2010, 9:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kate123A
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10 Jun 2010, 9:47 pm

is it possible she saw someone that she didn't expect to see. Perhaps an ex boyfriend or something? Perhaps a professor that she had an exam/quiz in and thought hmm I forgot I have that due tomorrow I'd better go and study. Back when I was in school free food was a big deal and most of the students were broke. So I think something upset her based on what I know from being female. Now whether it had anything to do with you is debatable. You'll have to ask her maybe you could ask her if she'd like to get some food and discuss some detail of your labs.



jc6chan
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10 Jun 2010, 10:45 pm

Lene wrote:
I could be completely wrong here, but it sounds like she may have a crush on you. If she doesn't usually ask guys out for meals, it might have taken her a lot of courage to mention the BBQ and ask if you wanted to get something to eat (sometimes this can be a way to ask someone out/hint that you like them). Your casual reply may have been a bit of a slap in the face (I know you didn't mean it to be).

After that, stopping to pick up your bike, whilst just a normal action in your mind, may have been given greater significance in her mind (i.e. "ooh, he's looking for an excuse to avoid getting something to eat.. he's obviously not that interested in me if he would rather wander around campus instead"etc.).

She may simply have gotten cold feet, or frustrated that getting something to eat wasn't that big a deal to you as it was to her. Nobody wants to feel stupid, so she blew you off instead. It's kind of a reflex thing; when someone feels hurt/rejected, they lash out and reject the other person back.

Before anyone dismisses this as 'NT mind games' or anything like that, it's just normal behaviour of shy, inexperienced people. Aspies are just as guilty of it if this forum is anything to go by.

Maybe next time your in class, you should ask her if she wants to get something to eat- just to show that you weren't rejecting her. You don't have to though, and if you don't mention it, it'll just get forgotten (she might not ask you to something again, that's all)>

But I was the one who said that I might possibly consider coming by because there was free food. She never said "wanna come?" before I talked about it. But I don't know, maybe you're right. I have no clue about all this "crush" thing and how everything works. I have no interest in dating anyway so I don't think about "is she flirting with me?" and stuff like that.