Do you get along with NT people?

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Hi!

Here's my situation: my NT friends are church friends. We share the same interest for theology (of course) and psychology. I like them very much, and I feel so comfortable with them. They say they do like me though, but I always have a doubt in my mind. For about a year and a half, they avoided me. Now they say I'm part of the gang, but they still often hang out without me. I chill with them on Saturdays and Sundays and I chat with one of them on a daily basis. I am never invited to other activities. I don't mean chilling together in small groups. They invite everyone excepts me. Does it mean they only have pity for me? I don't know if I should feel rejected or not.

It seems they exclude you. Can you ask them directly?

The ways of NT's are beyond what I can grasp...

They say they don't exclude me. I can't talk to them about the other activities they do because I am not suppose to know they hang out without me. It's my friend who is telling me.

Last edited by Greenmouse on 10 Jun 2010, 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get along with NTs, just as long as they treat me with respect.

Yes, If i get to know them.

Usually, NTs show no respect for people on the spectrum.

It all depends on how you deal with things. If you feel rejected then I'm not going to tell you you shouldn't. I know you do feel rejected and you do too. You know what's going in deep down inside. They don't like you. From it it sounds like, they don't really wanna have anything to do with you. NT females are alittle strange.
There was a socially awkward girl in my high school class and junior year, which was 2008-2009, the girls would diss her, and ignore her and talk about her. Although she didnt know that. even one of the girls said "she's alittle socially awkward". Now in 2001-2010 school year the girl is all of a sudden part of the gang. I believe she might have had aspergers, idk. she was pretty obsessed with english, i liked her and she liked me, she told me "i like speaking spanish to you because you don't judge me, while everyone else does".
So this school year we had a lock-in where we played games and stuff. and the socially awkward girl created many of the games, and the popular girls came along to help. but then the popular girls didnt wanna help clean up and tried to make her clean up. She came and told me about it and I said "well i don't think you should be hanging out them anyways, you see how they are". It probably wasnt the best answer at the time, but it was the most direct and real. The girl had no friends really and in our classes there was no other girls she could talk to so she chose to talk to those ones.
She started trying to dress like them, she died her hair and all of that, but none of it worked. A couple of weeks ago during a fire drill before graduation, I heard one of the girls say "I bet Ashley can beat up Karly if anyone". Karly is the socially awkward girl (of course im using fake names because i dont want these people to actually see this )....I knew then that those girls still didnt like her.

So I was just giving you a real life example of maybe how your situation may be, you should also read these entire four pages.READ IT!, this girl's situation is a lot like yours too http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2 ... opic=14915

Things like this happen to me too, people ignore my text messages and so forth. But I believe you should feel rejected, but this feeling of rejection allows us to understand who our true friends are. and i know as a girl socially is much more important, but if you have to have people who pretend to like you just to have friends, then you should rather be alone.

there can be numerous reasons but if the activities are kept secret and you are not supposed to know I would become very suspicious

I have been in a church community as well, there were lots of kind people and out of NT people I prefer christians

but I recognize what you posted,

That's what I thought. They fake it because they are Christians. They don't like me for real, but they have to. Jesus' commandments and everything. I don't think I should hang out with them no more. I don't expect them to be my friends anymore. Maybe on Sundays and Saturdays because everyone is invited.

Now the part you highlighted, afterwards I wrote "from what it sounds" ...so if everything you are saying is true, it really does seem like they don't like you. deep down inside you kow the truth. this isnt probably the first time you've dealt with this type of drama. and did you read the link I sent you? that helps. its about an aspie girl who has classmates who invite all the girls to a sleepover but not her

Your church friends are socializing behind your back, intentionally excluding you and lying to you about it?


Church?


Friends?


I don't know what kind of church you go to, but they sound like garden-variety Christian hypocrites to me.

If one of them unexpectedly comes into 30 pieces of silver, run like crazy!

We can be your friend on here, you've come to the right place

Are they faking it? Or is it only my imagination? They hated me for a year and a half and then they changed in a few seconds
into a bunch of friends. I just don't buy that kind of BS. I know they don't like me. I know they are lying to me. Return to the beginning. I have no friends. But they swear they changed. I just can't follow what my imagination is trying to tell me.

We mustn't forget that most NT's don't understand the Aspie condition and if you show any signs of social awkwardness, this could lead them to become awkward and not know how to be social with you.

It does not mean they necessarily dislike you, just that you potentially make them feel awkward in a social environment.

Are they aware of your Aspie status, and what it means?

Is there not a possibilty that if they were aware that they would perhaps be more understanding, more patient and therefore be more inclusive with you.

It is very easy for us to resort to the negative here, where in fact it could simply be that they don't know how to deal with you.

It is also likely that if you feel there is a 'liking' problem there, this could be reflected in your behaviour in their presence which could lead to further awkwardness.

Not sure if that makes sense but its very easy to consider us anti-social if you don't know the full facts.

I told them 2 weeks ago. Some didn't believe me, some weren't surprised. From now on, they will understand me more and more. Perhaps starting to like me. Really like me.

I feel like they are treating me with pity. Some subhuman creature I guess.

If even the Christians don't like me, who will?

Élodie

A few words from an NT: Your church friends may absolutely like you even though they don't hang out with you. They may absolutely appreciate you for who you are. And the fact that they hang out without you does not mean that they're faking their friendly attitude towards you.

NTs friendship-systems (if we can call it that) consist of several layers. I can use myself as an example: There are many people I call my friends even though I may not see them (or talk to them) for months - years even. Some of them are more acquaintances than friends. These people have their own friends (people I don't know) they hang out with, and I don't necessarily want to hang out with them. We have a few things in common, but not enough to inspire a close friendship.

The next layer consists of friends I see sometimes. I know they hang out with others more often than me. That does not bother me, it's just the way it is. When they and I find out that we want to meet to catch up a little bit, we may do so, if we can be bothered.

The innermost layer: Three close friends. We may not meet or talk for weeks, months even, and I know that they hang out with others, too. But I know they love me for me, and they're always willing to be there for me should I need them.
You see, people actually have use for each other. And they do use one another, and in a good way, actually. We use each other for love, support, someone to talk to, someone to relax with. When I need to relax with friends, I know who to hang with. If I'm tired and need support and a good listener, then I invite my closest friends. People whose interests are the same as mine.
But if I'm full of energy and spirit and want to hang out with people I can give attention and give energy to, then I hang out with such friends. For me, these friends are people that I need to have a certain energy to hang with. They take a little more "work" because they're not so alike myself. That's the way it works for most people, and it's no problem.

You may have to accept that your church friends are more distant friends who do not find it natural to hang out with you as best friends, but that they like to meet you in a church setting. It does not mean that they don't like you. Don't feel bad about it!