I'm finished making friends in the "geek" subcultu

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This is long winded, but it's from my heart, and I don't want to hold anything back. If you like any of the pursuits I cite, please know this isn't an attack on you personally. Seeing as only WP members will read this, I'm assuming you're much nicer and thoughtful than the people I rant about- I'm just being honest.

I've always considered myself kinda geeky, especially when I was younger. but I think I've become disillusioned with the anime/video game/ comic book/sci-fi subculture. I've always been quiet and had social insecurities, so I always felt more comfortable around hobbyists and people with more intellectual interests, because they tended to be slightly on the outside, and more accepting of me. It seemed, in fact, the "normals" were all meanies. But as I got older.... it kinda got switched around. I noticed it when I got to community college. Time and again, when I try to make friends with hard core gamers, I've experienced extreme elitism, cliquishness, appalling selfishness and hurtful rudeness. I find it odd, because most of these fellows don't seem to have much to be elitist about. I'd try to initiate conversation, and no matter how casual or nice I was, I'd always get this pissy, disgruntled look. I tried joining an anime club at my college, and I've met some nice people, but the main clique was so tightly nit, I never felt accepted, even after two years . It seems if you're not as into their hobby to the degree they are, they don't like you for some reason. You can't just like video games- it has to be your life. You can't just like a few animes- it's all you're allowed to be interested it. Fortunately people have recently come forward and called them out on this nonsense, but they shouldn't have been like that in the first place. I tried to advocate for myself once, but the dictatress who everyone Kao-toud to would get defensive, justify it, and under the rug the issue would go. I went to another college and joined a literature club, but the people who ran it were extreme gamers, and darned if they weren't nasty as all hell. Acted like they were too good once they got into their gaming group. I think I posted about them once here. I think this post is turning out to be long enough, so I won't list more examples like this, but I do have them.

I'm in a dungeons and dragons gaming group, and fortunately they don't treat people this way. I brought the issue up on Saturday to see if I was the only one who noticed this behavior pattern. One agreed with me totally, but several just said that it runs the gamut, so to speak. I hate to pigeon hole people, but I think it's more than a coincidence. It can't just be me getting unlucky, and seeing as I haven't had that experience with more conventional clubs or organizations, I'm gonna just become prejudice. With that said, as of tonight, the 11th of May, if I meet someone who seems to nail the stereotype... I'm gonna just keep walking and save myself the hurt.

1) Nerds don't have a monopoly on cliques.
2) Nerds can be NTs too.

If you don't belong somewhere, people tend to feel it when you pretend. This ability is wired into most people.

Yeah I thought it would be easy to be friends with these supposedly 'different' people but its actually quite difficult and disheartening when alot of them resolve to high school tactics. Some of them are pretty chill though.

The "chill" ones will be chill, and don't act like the crack-head dorks I'm talking about. Thanks for posting though! I forgot about this thread.

I had the same problem, all the normals were mean, and all the geeks were really annoying and bitchy towards other people and themselves. I'm a girl and whenever I played games against them they'd all gang up on me and bag me out, and they'd go on and on about girls and watch anime porn whenever I was around...

So i got new friends

A guy in my Dungeons & Dragons group put me in touch with Autistic Services Inc, of Williamsville NY so they could tell me about some places to get tested for aspergers. I have been gaming since I was 11 (1981) where I met most of my friends. Gamers seem to be the most easy going people I have met who are very accepting people who are different.

One of the hardest lessons of my life was to make friends with people whose personalities mine complimented, (and vise versa) people who I had fun hanging out with, and people who treated me well. Having similar interests does not mean you will get along. People will similar interests to me have all but killed me. In fact... I notice that when AS people talk to NT people about their special interests... the NT people react with extreme hostility if they share these intersets. They feel like they are being beaten at their own game, lied to, infiltrated, and sometimes exploited. The automatically become cruel and defensive because we are too interested in what they are bonding over. It makes them suspicious of us.

Hang out with people who you have fun hanging out with and people who treat you well. I can't stress this enough and I can't believe how long it took me to come to this conclusion. As people with AS we are subcultures-of-1 and the sooner we accept this the better we will do in our every day life.

I'm in my late 20's too and just recently got out of the goth/industrial subculture. So definitely don't feel bad hehe.

I guess my situation was different because I was a semi-known modern industrial artist but the way that industry treated me was beyond horrible. I really thought I'd found a community I'd belonged in a for a while too. Yet once my music started getting big and I started getting excited about this since it was such an extreme interest for me... holy crap... those people were worse to me than they were in middle school. According to these people I was way too eager and excited about the music I'd found an extreme passion for. It was so bad they threatened me sexually, interfered with my business, mutilated my images, threatened me for being Jewish... I don't even wanna get into it. And all I wanted was to hang out with people who shared my obsession.

Yet now I have my own community full of amazing people. Friends, fans, misfits, outcasts, intellectuals, eccentrics, musicians, artists, filmmakers... what we don't share is a subculture. What we share is a community.

It was never my subculture. That was where I went wrong in making assumptions.

So it was the geeks who rejected you for being too passionate about your geeky interests? Have you heard of the ubergeeks? Most of them are AS. I think you guys would get along well.

................................

The last thing I wanted to do was offend you. What I meant was that a lot of geeks feel the same way as you. Too geeky for the geeks. So they all hang out together. Some of the most interesting people I've ever met.