I have lost so many (potential) friends
Ok, the topic sounds really sad and all, but I have thoroughly analyzed this. I am just working on how to solve this little puzzle.
With a lot of Simon Baron-Cohen's 'Extreme Male Brain' Theory, I can agree with. It fully explaines why I, a 33 year old girl, can't really get along with women my age, or any age really. I have nothing to talk about with women.
I love hanging out with men, because they are easier to talk/chat to. I prefer going to the pub with the blokes, to shopping with the girls. (I like shopping though, but I just really hate hearing somebody's opinion. I know my color patterns. Trust me, now shut the f**k up (can I use swear words on this website, coz I use them a lot. ) I have recently found out that I also hate shopping with men that have extreme female brains. ROFL)
Anywayz, I get along better with blokes. A lot of problems:
- Men seem to get the wrong impression (Nooooohoooooo, I do not want to do you)
- They think I fancy them and I scare them away by giving them attention.
- They get a girlfriend and the girlfriend feels threatened by me
- They ask me my intentions, and after I tell them I 'just' want to be friends, they seem to have enough friends already and I never hear from them again.
I can sometimes get along with gay women, but I usually end up with the same issues.
How the frog can I solve this? I am trying to become less picky when it comes to people. I have had a date with this bloke a couple of weeks back. We were supposed to go to the zoo, and he phoned me up and said that he didn't want to go to the zoo, and instead he wanted to go shopping with me. ROFL. I was like the husband that was dragged along by his wife (my date), from store to store (that all sold the same shoes, at the same price. all brands and stuff, that were, apparently, VERY hip and trendy. I am Dutch so we don't have K-mart, but if we did I would most likely be a k-mart girl)
When he noticed I was bored out of my skull with the shopping, we sat by a canal and talked, and he was actually really sweet, very open and honest, and I really appreciate that. We said it wasn't ever going to work out (Sorry dude, I can't do a bloke who doesn't dig computers like I do, especially not one that doesn't know one bloody thing about computers.) We have been meeting up and phoning eachother the past few weeks, and it was really cool and OK.
Last night he came over (before his nightshift) and he put his arm around me. What the frog does that mean? I thought I was clear????? HU? Summer has really hit it this year, so I doubt it had to do with 'keeping eachother warm'. Pretty gross really.
I am really trying to find out how and I can get and keep friends. My nickname should be clueless.
(BTW, what the frog comes from the british comedy series 'The League Of Gentlemen', there is this scene where a mail delivery guy delivers a package and there's a toad in it. He says: "Here's your frog" and the response is: "He said the F-word, it's a TOAD")
I can relate. Ive always had trouble getting or keeping female relationships.I have tried and made alot of comprimises but I tend to attract women who just want to use me for one thing or another
and few women seem to actually like me...and as soon as they would get a boyfriend our friendship seemed redundant to them.My best friends have always been whoever I was dating at the time and I end up hanging out with him and his friends but as soon as the "relationship" is over (I tend to fall out of love in about 6mths or year),it is very difficult to maintain the freindship....understandable but I still miss them....
Reading the topic "tomboy"...(not sure which forum its in) I saw that there are alot of females I have things in common with that I probably would have gotten along much better with had I met them when I was younger.....Now I am 42 and with the same "bestfriend/boyfriend" for the past 4 years(Good on me )and have very little desire to socialize....relationships consume so much time and energy and Im just to selfish to maintain them...but my heart does go out to you (no worrys....I wont smother you with any hugs)Hope you find what your looking for...seems like there ought to be on line groups of "tomboys" .
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- Men seem to get the wrong impression (Nooooohoooooo, I do not want to do you)
- They think I fancy them and I scare them away by giving them attention.
- They get a girlfriend and the girlfriend feels threatened by me
- They ask me my intentions, and after I tell them I 'just' want to be friends, they seem to have enough friends already and I never hear from them again.
I can sometimes get along with gay women, but I usually end up with the same issues.
You make me feel abnormal, only in a nice way for a change, rather than merely different. I seem to be your male counterpart, I get along better with women, and what male friends I have tend to be the boyfriends or husbands of female friends. The way I see it, if I am not happy to enjoy a woman's company without sleeping with her, I certainly wouldn't want to get into bed with her in the first place, so a relationship without sex is just fine by me.
Short of desperately searching for more weirdoes like me (seeing you have tried and failed), you have one more option: gay men. If you are worried they would have brains too female for your liking, the few I have known to be gay (I don't care one way or the other, so I don't ask and find out only by chance) were just regular guys who happen to prefer another guy in bed.
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They looked at one another in incomprehension, two minds driving opposite ways up a narrow street and waiting for the other man to reverse first.
You make me feel abnormal, only in a nice way for a change, rather than merely different. I seem to be your male counterpart, I get along better with women, and what male friends I have tend to be the boyfriends or husbands of female friends. The way I see it, if I am not happy to enjoy a woman's company without sleeping with her, I certainly wouldn't want to get into bed with her in the first place, so a relationship without sex is just fine by me.
Short of desperately searching for more weirdoes like me (seeing you have tried and failed), you have one more option: gay men. If you are worried they would have brains too female for your liking, the few I have known to be gay (I don't care one way or the other, so I don't ask and find out only by chance) were just regular guys who happen to prefer another guy in bed.
Yes, you are abnormal, and that is a very good thing.
Even though I live in gay capital, I don't know that many gay men really. I know 2 gays at work, but I'm not so sure I would get along with them outside the office.
I prolly have to open my mouth and tell my male friend with the female brains that I am not comfortable with hugging (or shopping, but he sort of figured that out already. "Are you done yet? Can we go to the gameshop now?").
My ex-boyfriend is still a friend of mine. He's also an aspie and a total screw-up with socializing. We said we are going to be friends forever, and if it were up to me we would, but one day he's going to get a girlfriend again, and I am pretty sure I am ditched. (He has already pretty much neglected me during the WC Soccer already) Time will tell, and meanwhile I'll be careful.
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