Why Do NTs Think Like This

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So this school year my senior year of high school I had a teacher who harassed me. I told my school counselor she was being unfair to me, but my couselor said "She probably does it to all her students". One day the teacher situation got so bad that I had a meltdown in the class, then my school counselor finally said "I think she is being unfair to only you". It took her that long to realize. My Therapist a couple of weeks ago told me that people tell me these things because they think that because I have asperger's I'm reading too deeply into the,m when in reality I know what's going on. (He specializes in Asperger's and has his Ph.d so he's a smart and helpful guy, unlike most shrinks I've had).

One day I had a question for the teacher, and I wasn't in her class as a student anymore, but I was still doing her work. When I tried to go up there with my ex-friend, I almost had a panic attack, and that made me realize that going by myself wouldn't have been any better. My counselor said "You should go up there by yourself to show her that she's not all that!".

I said "Why?"....Why do NTs feel the need to prove their confidence and strength to people, even when it's not necessary?

You notice how in the title you said "think" and in the message you said "feel?" I think there's your answer. NT's generally don't "think" about what they do as much as AS people do.

I'm not diagnosed but my god do I sometimes rant about what people were "thinking" and if they had no foresight, because to me it was obvious that this bad thing would happen. But they don't. And for some reason the fact that AS people do, makes AS people different.

My son is AS so I read here everyday to try and understand him more. The more I read the more I realizes I do understand him as I feel the same way and have felt that way most of my life. I have always wondered myself why we "need" to do things to prove something to ourselves and to others. I have to do it on a daily basis I work in customer support for a major aerospace firm, I travel on my own and have to meet with not always happy costumes. I have found a way of dealing with it over the years, basically learning to read the situation and reacting the way the want me to react, but it is hard very hard. My peers say I am good at it but I feel like I am always one word away from messing the whole thing up.

Cheers

Hmm, yes I believe you are right. I was telling my Therapist the smart Ph.d guy that I have to consciously think about everything I do socially, and I noticed that most people don't. Now, as you said, we think about stuff more, which means NTs do think about stuff they do, but not like us. I usually go on and talk about stuff longer than most people. When most NTs get scolded in class they think about it for about 5 minutes, I usually think about it for a week. I am serious, when stuff happens that makes me upset or embarrassed, I can think about it for up to a week, even when I'm thinking of other stuff it's still in the back of my mind.

NTs seem to just hop on the bandwagon of society and never question most of it. Like once I questioned my counselor why people always ask the woman if she is okay when a guy and a girl get in an argument in public, because this happened when my mom and I got in an argument; and she was really the one harassing me and upsetting me. My counselor didn't say anything and stared into space. I asked two more times and she goes "I don't know, maybe it's because guys are usually stronger than girls", which is true, but what real logic does that have in the question that people ask the woman. My counselor got tired of my question and chose to change the subject.

People dont think...gosh

The only thing I can tell you is that it does get better with age. When I was your age I was comfortable only on my own or with a select few. I was quite adventurous though so moved around quite a lot.

Then a year later, because I was thinking too much and it all didn't seem to make sense, I joined the Hare Krishnas, I thought maybe they had the answer. They didn't, but what I did learn is that the brain is amazing. I was forced to go out of myself and develop relationships and after years and years, it worked. It wasn't until last year that I finally understood that there are a lot of people on this planet, we're all different, and every one of us has something to give. I'm now 40, am considered a social butterfly, can take it or leave it, and am for the first time fairly happy with myself. And have built a bit of a network of friends that I'm happy with too.

It's good to push your boundaries. You'd be amazed at what you can achieve. And don't forget - our unique views on life, the fact that we *do* think, might put us at a social disadvantage - but my god are we better off when you think of it. So many people are just going with the stream but we actually can take a real shot at being true to our values, simply because we are so deep and analytical.

Be brave. x

It's about heirarchy, status and power. People are usually consciously & unconsciously aware of everyone's 'place,' and are in some way are always pushing/pulling/jockey-ing for increased status in that system.

And it's not bad to have some awareness of that, since there are situations where not playing the game equals "you lose." I.e. if you back down from confrontations a lot, sometimes people who like to confront will notice that and seek you out (since they figure you'll back down, which will boost their status in the eyes of others). (In the situation you were in it doesn't sound like that will "come back" to you, though.)

It's sort of like the Hollywood cliche` that if you go to prison, you should beat someone up (in front of everybody) on the first day; that way others will be less inclined to mess with you. I found that in lesser ways was true of jobs/workplaces; if you get known as a pushover, more people will be more likely to try to "push you over."

It's not that everyone even does it, but there are times when there are enough people engaging in it to where you can't ignore it. -- Enough people doing the challenging, enough people acting as "audience" members who will treat you better or worse depending on you status, and so on. It's was a little shocking as I got older to see how often it really does matter. Beware the Social Politics.

This is always due to insecurity.

Because NTs are bullies, and they want to drive us into the ground. There are a lot of Jenny McCarthys out there. It's a dangerous world. You can't trust anybody.

I'm not sure if that was meant in a tongue-in-cheek way, but I believe that's an unhealthy view to have.

In my experiences with people, yes, I agree with this. Whenever I confront certain people about their double standards and preferential treatment, they seem rather shocked and often deny it. Seems they are not consciously aware of this "pecking order".
A lot of social animals do this, so why not humans?
Over the eons it has applied to racial, religious and cultural minorities, and when society no longer finds that acceptable, then it becomes more subtle.
Anyone who cannot advocate for themselves or have an advocate for them, is highly vulnerable.

IME 5 minutes is an exaggeration, but I know exactly what you mean, and I think its most likely due to the fact that we have learned unconsciously over time that we're missing a lot of the social signals other people get and as a result, we make up for that deficiency (or try to) by over-analyzing EVERYTHING, to make sure we completely understand just what the hell happened. Then we start applying that analytical process beforehand and learn to imagine everything that could possibly go wrong in any situation ahead of time, so we don't 'get caught with our pants down' so to speak.

This also speaks to why we have that tendency to be so bluntly honest about things that we inadvertently offend people. We're just trying to be sure everybody knows whats what, because in our way of thinking, having all the facts from which to make the most rational judgment call is only fair. Its how we would want to be treated. Neurotypicals on the other hand, don't think that way, because so many of their decisions are made on the fly from moment-to-moment, assuming things will work out okay - and because they are plugged into the Matrix (where we are not), for them it usually does.