Putting boundaries on touching

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Ok, I need some help sorting out what's OK to say as a boundary for touching. Two separate issues.

A little bit of background, I never had problems with touch as a child, though I had problems with establishing boundaries. Long story short, I was taught in very definite terms by some 'friends' from school that it was not OK to touch anyone, at any time, unless they give explicit permission beforehand. (I don't mean touching inappropriately, I just didn't really 'get' personal space back then)

Therefore, I established a few very strict boundaries for myself. I really dislike touching people purposefully (other than handshakes/those perpetually awkward hugs from older relatives) people outside my immediate family, cousins, and a close friend of mine.

I switched schools for the 09-10 school year. I got a new group of people I'm happy to say are my friends. Thing is, it's confusing me that they don't seem to have any boundaries at all. I've mostly sorted it out now, but I wanted to check out how this sounds to others:
One of the kids in my group of friends has no boundaries whatsoever. She acts like she doesn't know what boundaries are around her friends, but I've asked, she told me that she knows and finds it entertaining to push those boundaries, seeking a reaction most of the time.
Since I have no sensory problems with touch, and I like pressure, but put mental boundaries down that make me shy away from contact, because I'm worried that I'll get in trouble, we made a rule, she's allowed to touch me anywhere outside the 'bikini zone' (she needs some rules, it seems. She's not allowed to touch me anywhere covered by a bikini) in public, and in return, she won't get mad at me if I touch her when I shouldn't.

It's been working so far. She tells me if I shouldn't touch her, and I let her show affection without getting punched (it's complicated.) Does this sound reasonable to people?


Second issue is resolved, but I wanted to get my answer in case it comes up again:

Ok, so I had an art teacher for the first semester of the 09-10 school year. He kinda creeped me out a bit.

Thing is, I'd learned by then that the kids at my old school made me over sensitive to touch, so I didn't want to say anything, but I want to know if this is a reasonable boundary to tell people.

The art teacher would sometimes have to turn on the projector, and it's too high for him to reach. Instead of asking a taller student or getting a chair, he'd lean on someone's head/shoulder to reach it.

He did it to me once and it made me feel very uncomfortable as I didn't know him well and I dislike purposeful contact from people I don't know. Would it have been OK for me to tell him to stop? He only did it once, but he also liked to poke me on the nose.

Sometimes, he'd lean down fairly in my face and go "Ok Eagles?" and tap me on the nose. In general, I don't like people touching my face without asking-who does? It's odd and uncomfortable, especially from a middle aged male teacher. He did it once with his finger and twice with a ruler.

We're not seven. We're eighth graders, we're not cute children. Would it have been OK for me to tell my art teacher to stop touching me?

Further info that may/not be relevant is that I've heard students (this was in semester two, after I'd stopped Art) call him a 'dirty old man' but I'm not sure how serious they were. Just saying that it's quite possible he doesn't just creep me out.

Just tell the person in a calm and polite tone that you don't deal well with being touched. Nothing rude or wrong about that.

Hey, actually that is the best way to say it. And make sure you tell them why too. But say it's sensory issues and not autism, youb dont have to say you have autism.

In my experiences, when girls tell me that they feel uncomfortable with me touching them I usually get mad at them for a while, so just make sure you don't say "I dont feel comfortable" because then you make the person feel stupid. But instead say "I dont deal with being touched well; (because of my sensory issues-if you wanna add that)" The person wont feel embarrassed and will not touch you anymore and all is good, especially if she is a girl she wont feel bad. and its an easier way for you to say I'm assuming since its a true statement with facts.

Yea, I agree that either just tell them politely that you don't like being touched, or like you did with your friend, establish rules. My girlfriend likes to tickle me, and sometimes I get a little violent when people tickle me, so we've established rules. I won't get mad and punch her or twist her or to try and stop her, but she has to stop when I say I've had enough. So far it works.

I guess my bigger question is:
Is it normal/OK to tell a teacher to stop touching your face? Because he's my teacher, I'm really just not OK with him touching me at all, no matter why.

Even if it's not normal, you should let him know what your comfortable boundaries are. I think it's weird that he's touching your face...

I'm an odd one on touch as well. When I was 10 I got in trouble for accidentally touching a girl's chest in a game of tag. From that point on I can't recall any time where I've touched a girl that I wasn't intimate with. I do remember patting one of my friends on the back in middle school, maybe a bit too hard actually since I do remember him saying oww and me just laughing and us proceeding to talk about gaming or Star Wars. I'm weird though that in the fact that if I didn't feel like touching had negative consequences I'd probably be all over everyone lol.

Your teacher sounds pretty weird to me. I would have to say that the most I approve of a teacher touching me is on the shoulder usually. Of course in physical education you can expect a little more. I had to have my gifted teacher in middle school help me bat in baseball once for example.

Short answer: Yes.