I Feel Insensitive

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So my grandma died today. My mom is in Chicago and I live in AZ with my 2 brothers and we have absolutely no family out here. I have a summer program that starts next week and lasts till august 6th, and I want to go but I also wanna go to my grandmas funeral but the date isnt set yet. I have no money at all. My mom is telling me to go to the program and make arrangements to get on the plane one of the days of the program come to the funeral and come back to AZ to finish the program. I have classes monday through friday and tey are for credit.

None of this is anyone's fault. But the logical solutions to this problem would be
a.)skip funeral and do program
b.)skip program and attend funeral.

But if I attend funeral and skip the program I'd come back and have all that scholarship money wasted. and If i leave during the program and come back then I'd have no idea what's going on in any of my classes.
My solution is to skip the funeral and do the program, but I want to pay my respects to my grandma because she took care of me. And this will haunt me for the rest of my life. Anytime I hear some weird noise i'd get spooked. and I'll also feel guilty too.
Idk these both are important.

It's just that one is emotional and the other is academic/logical and in the end the academic one will get me further in life than attending the funeral (Im not trying to sound insensitive).

I did not tell my mom all this, because NTs would think I sound insensitive.

idk what to do

Do whatever you want to do, its what your grandmother would want. People reincarnate anyway.

How do you know you would feel this way?
People (myself included) recover from guilt of much worse things.

I would advocate not going, because I personally
care little for the pomp & circumstance of ceremonies:
funerals included. This does not undermine or
detract from my real feelings for my diseased relatives.
If you DO attach value to the funeral as a ritual,
then go do that.

I don't know what your family would think, but I see no
sense in you beating yourself up if you feel like staying
is the right thing to do. (Life is for the living too, you know.)