Poor social endurance

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I've rediscovered this about me recently. Went thru that phase again of feeling lonely, making the determination to get myself out there, then finally meeting people and joining the group. However, my new found momentum never lasts long, and after becoming progressively quieter, I return to shutting myself in again.

I simply can't keep it up. I go to a party with high hopes, talk, dance, meet people, play games, and do everything with lots of energy for a few hours. But then, there always comes a time when everything winds down people get cozy in thier little groups, and I end up becoming quiet as a mouse. I try to stick it out and even participate more, but before long I become less and less relevant and end up by myself. Once that happens, I'm pretty much seen as an outsider, and it's rare I get invited to another gathering again.

Of course, I've learned to make an excuse to leave before this downfall happens, which makes me look better.

I know I'm an introvert, and value my alone time, but is hitting this kind of rut every time common?

I don't last long either and I don't put in as much effort as you.

Sounds like me to a T.

Wow, you really put effort in it. Most of the times I leave after a few hours; any longer and I cannot keep up my 'social face'.
With good friends or when I am really energetic I am the one to put the lights out

Its common for me, that's why I avoid social events like the plague - they always leave me feeling overwhelmed and alienated and ultimately suck the self-esteem right out of me. I've just decided I will meet people I like enough to want to hang with when I meet them and in the meantime, I will entertain myself. If I had friends I'd just be constantly letting them down by not 'being there' when they need me or not being willing to do all the things they wanted to do.

Last edited by Willard on 02 Jul 2010, 4:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get the same issue as well.

The only social events I've been to in the last several years are weddings of nieces or nephews and even those are weird. I can act passably interested for a little while and then I fade away. At my grand-niece's 1st birthday party last summer I ended up on the edges of the property shooting video of the breeze rustling through trees. I'm not sure why I get so tired because I'm really not doing anything but standing around feeling awkward.

And that is of course exhausting. How could it not be?

Someone should have engaged in host behavior on your behalf.

And please remember, going to a party by yourself is highly ambitious. It's something even Oskar Schindler might struggle with and not be able to pull off every time (and that aspect of sometimes it works, sometimes is doesn't, is absolutely key).

Oh definately. But I'm never really by myself. I always know someone there (my "in") who helps introduce me to the rest of the people. I do alright with a little assistance but when let loose, I can no longer carry on. It's like needing a spotter holding the bar the whole time while doing a weight set. I'm a freakin wimp when it comes to carrying social weight.