Dealing with a friend getting married

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Miyah
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04 Jul 2010, 11:23 pm

A friend is getting married this year and I am one of her bride's maids and I am having a hard time dealing with the pressures of her getting married.

How do I handle it?

Poppycocteau
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05 Jul 2010, 5:12 am

Well, for this to be answered properly, you need to elucidate on what the pressures you feel are exactly - do you mean that you don't feel equipped to encourage and soothe her if she talks to you in confidence, or that you feel like you'll let her down in some other, unspecified way, like not looking nice enough on the day? Are you finding rehearsals stressful?

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Miyah
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05 Jul 2010, 5:59 am

I am upset because I feel like she spends all of her time with him and never has time for me anymore. I also feel she would like to do something but always seems doing things his way all the time. For instance, last night was the 4th of July and they came to my party and everything. However, her fiancee didn't want to go see the fireworks because he was tired and so she ended up going with him. I had even suggested that she could crash over here with me last night and then he pick her up in the morning and that wasn't even good enough for her. Sometimes, I really wish he would go away. I am not jealous that she's getting married but I am scared of loosing her.

Poppycocteau
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Age: 38
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05 Jul 2010, 5:54 pm

Oh, I'm not very good at all with the 'how to deal with people' side of things - but I can tell you what I would do.

I would try, I think, to talk to her about it - tell her that you miss spending time with her, and that you feel sad that your friendship and time together has fallen by the wayside a little bit. What I wouldn't do is confront her about doing things her fiance's way, because that will probably make her defensive and she might withdraw from you. If you find it hard to speak about it, perhaps write a letter and give her it - though admittedly that will seem odd if she doesn't know you're Autistic. Make sure she knows that you understand why this has happened, and that you understand that organising a wedding is time consuming and stressful. I think that the most obvious overtone of whatever you say should be that you cherish your friendship with her.

That's the only thing I can think of, other than keeping quiet and hoping she comes around after the wedding.

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