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What am I missing?

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-Daniel-
Hummingbird
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16 Oct 2010, 12:45 am

So people keep telling me I need to start meeting and talking to people to make friends. Even from my therapist all I get is "here have some pills, they'll make you more social" and "social anxiety, face your fear and you'll get over it." The problem is when I try and get out and meet and talk to people is I don't know what to say/do to progress the conversation. How do you go from "Hey I think I'll try saying hi to you" to "Hey we should hang out some time, here's my contact info"?


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Pseudeos
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16 Oct 2010, 2:41 am

-Daniel- wrote:
So people keep telling me I need to start meeting and talking to people to make friends. Even from my therapist all I get is "here have some pills, they'll make you more social" and "social anxiety, face your fear and you'll get over it." The problem is when I try and get out and meet and talk to people is I don't know what to say/do to progress the conversation. How do you go from "Hey I think I'll try saying hi to you" to "Hey we should hang out some time, here's my contact info"?

Having something in common, such as an interest, with a person can start a friendship. Maybe you could try asking them what their interests are.


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Gruntre
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16 Oct 2010, 5:41 am

Take it apart: I remind myself that everyone is a frightened little bird not knowing what to say, that's why they invent all these social structures to ease 'fitting in' eg theatre groups, sports teams. The whole thing is made up; no one knows what to say. That's why they drink so much alcohol to socialise (the ol dutch courage). People look like they're doing ok, but take them outside there comfort zone (drop them into the jungles of Cambodia) and watch them turn Aspie :-)
Ironically by not knowing the rules you're making them freak out; this is why not knowing the rules gets you shunned. It's not because you have to know them or else, but because that's all they've got to make sense of the situation. Challenging people by not knowing and not fitting in is the reason people bully: they are insecure and they feel threatened.
Maybe you need to make them feel comfortable- I do it by saying to them: sorry, I don't know any of the rules about how to relate socially. This puts them at ease because they don't deel threatened by you because you have a set of rules for relating that they don't understand. They understand you a bit better, and you get to explain your point of view (and they get to explain theirs) and they learn a bit more about Aspergers (because lets face it, it's pretty foreign country to most people in the street). And you learn a bit more about how their brains work socially. And you get to converse about meaningful things rather than sport or the weather...
Just a thought x3