Do people think you think you know everything?

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I come from a family big on discussion and critical thinking. My grandparents expected their children and grandchildren to be well educated and up on current issues. My family was big on educational magazines like National Geographic and Scientific American, and if anyone ever had a question on something, they were expected to seek the answer.

When we all got together we would discuss current issues in the world or science, and expected to express our views freely. If anyone disagreed on some point they would say so, and express their view.

No one had any problem saying "I don't believe that's correct", as it was always understood that views were expressed to the best of the person's understanding and they were not claiming to be the end all of say all on the matter.


I find, however, that individuals outside of my family, interpret my way of communication as me thinking I know everything, and respond in quite a resentful manner on occasion.

This upsets me. I never once prevented them from sharing their own views and do not understand why they would not share them if I have said something incorrect. In my family, we expect to be corrected if we are incorrect. It would be rude, and entirely illogical not to point it out to a person.

But yet I find many individuals who prefer to keep their mouth shut and only open it to nastily accuse me of thinking that I think I know everything when I was just trying to have a conversation with the person and expected them to share what they might know or perceive.

Does anyone else have this problem?

They're jealous because they're stupid. You see it everywhere: people who know little compared to another person feel they have to insult them or dismiss them in order to feel better about themselves. It's pathetic, really.

My family treats me the same way. I know that they're jealous of me. At first, I thought, it was because I've screwed up, not reaching my milestones on time, as a small child, so they thought I was a slow learner. That wasn't the case, at all. My family have been dismissing me and stating the obvious, because they're jealous of me.

For the first part no, since my family is mostly practical not tinker, in other word they prefer to get something done then speak extensively on a subject.


The second part just too often.

I sometimes have a similar problem in because I am an older person and my kindness can come across as patronising, though I do think the same kind of people that would complain about my often sensible and practical approach would also complain if people didn't offer advice or help.

With some people, they are so insecure and so negative that nothing people say or do is acceptable to them. It isn't anyone elses fault, it is just that they have either been unable to accept help or no-one is helping them with social skills and the like.

It is the same with intelligence and good debate, some people take a topic personally and cannot see that you are just investigating an interesting topic.

I suppose it you started with "Look you idiot..." rather than "my opinion on that topic is..." then they really would have something to get upset about.

I think it all comes down to a lack of education in one way or another, either in people skills or English language skills.

Anyway, I frequently make mistakes because I see things in my mind and I say them without censoring, mostly they are not terribly offensive they are just a bit too honest but if I am having a serious discussion, I focus on the topic and not the person giving their point of view.

I sometimes think that people focus too much on the person rather than really, really listening to their actual point of view. Too quickly they will dismiss it as, for instance, politically incorrect or start to pull apart the persons debating skills rather than the true topic.

Frustrating beyond belief isn't it.

Yes! My family would say things like:

"You don't always have to be right."

"You think you're better than everyone else."

"You don't always have to have the last word."

"You are so arrogant."

And my personal favourite:

"You always think you're right!"

Of course I think I'm right! The person I was talking also thought they were right, which is why the dispute/discussion existed in the first place! Why would anyone ever bother saying anything in the first place unless they thought what they were saying was right?! Is it somehow my fault that I don't find any of their views a good reason to change my own opinion? Bizarre.

All I was ever doing was talking to them and stating my opinions, as far as I was aware. I avoid talking to my family now.

You've had a very fortunate but unusual upbringing. Most people are taught not to argue or correct others as a way of showing deference to authority. Somehow, showing respect for other's viewpoints has become conflated with never openly disagreeing with them. It's something that has gotten me in trouble in the past, too. I didn't have the same upbringing as you, but I do tend to want to correct or argue with others when I disagree with them, and it is taken as being superior rather than an honest attempt at discourse.

Your viewpoint sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Yes, people always accuse me of thinking that I know everything, and that I am under the impression that I am more intelligent than they are.

I know what you mean; I think it's because you they assume your telling them indirectly that you think you know everything and that you're more intelligent than they are; also people tend to base their opinions more on emotion than facts/logic and thus respond emotionally and can get upset viewing what you see as debate as an argument.

Bingo.

I try to keep my mouth shut at work and just read the paper or a magazine.

Yup, my family was always the same way. My dad would even take some ethics debate from the news, distill it down to a version that myself and my sisters (as kids) could comprehend, and ask us what we thought the "right" thing to do would be. Sometimes we all agreed, but usually there was lengthy and interesting conversation, in which people would point out each others' logical fallacies, some minds were frequently changed, and we all enjoyed getting to see how each other thinks.

My NT husband *hates* this.



Sometimes, I'm sure you're right. And it feels good to imagine that it's always true. But my husband is most definitely neither stupid nor jealous of my intelligence or knowledge. (He has many faults, but these are not on the list.)



Those are *exactly* the types of things my husband says to me!

I *think* (and I'm only just beginning to understand this, so I may still be far from right) that it's not so much *what* we say, as when and how we say it. I definitely have gotten better at the how, but apparently still have a long way to go in terms of understanding when these statements should be inserted into the conversation.

My perspective is that if my husband is making a case for something, and I think that one of his building blocks is factually incorrect, then I should say something about it, because otherwise, I may not remember what I disagreed with by the time he gets to the end, and then I won't be able to explain why I don't agree with the conclusion. (My husband claims that I'm interrupting just to argue for argument's sake, and I should let him get to his point before debating something.)

But, on the other hand, there have been times when I was good, and bit my tongue till the end, and said "Ok, I get your point, but I disagree with you because that relies on X assumption which I don't think is true," and he gets mad at me because I'm "nitpicking". I don't get what I should be doing differently. Am I expected to just say "oh, yes, of course, dear, anything you say must be true!"? That makes no sense, either. So I just do NOT understand how I'm screwing this up. But he isn't the only one who thinks so. Most NTs who are or have been close enough to me to be honest with me about such things make similar comments. *sigh*

Sorry for the extensive edits, but this was getting to book-length!

I, also, was raised to examine positions - both mine and the other person's - as logically as I could, and to explain my position carefully and fully, wihle making statements and posing questions to ensure I fully understood what I was replying to. I was taught that this was a valuable and appropriate way to approach anything approaching a serious subject. Indeed, the more serious the subject, the more important it is to discuss it in depth.

Outside of my family, I don't think I've encountered more than a handful of people who approach discussion this way. To me, even a question like, "Did you like the movie?" requires more than a yes or no response - if you don't want to discuss what was good/bad about it, WHY BRING IT UP? OK, maybe what I thought about some movie doesn't actually need deep analysis. Maybe I do get carried away sometimes. But, even on a subject like "Should the US embark on a global 'War on Terror,'" in the aftermath of the World Trade Center attack, or, "Is the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico being handled appropriately," if I say more than two sentences, I get accused of talking the subject to death. WTF?!?!?!

And yes, I get the "you think you know everything" comment, too. Uh, no - I expect you to support your position, and I expect you to challenge mine. How is presenting my side in detail so you can attack it properly, indicating that I think my position is "better" than yours? How is questioning your position "trying to look smarter than everyone else"?

I also enjoy playing Devil's Advocate, which really confuses people, and gets me called hypocritical. I was taught that, unless you can argue the other side of a question thoroughly and convincingly, you don't understand that position well enough to argue against it.

Arrrgh!

I've learned to keep my mouth shut and ignore most of what people say. It isn't that they're dumb - they just don't want to take the time to actually think.

Yes.
the phrase, 'Know-it-all,' has come up more than once in my life.

sometimes yes. i make it a point to learn as much as i can