Extroverted Demons

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At work, i go to make a buck.

People are ALWAYS FLIRTING UP STORMS AND HOLLERING. its at a resturant.

Emotion IS FLOUNDERING and im the quiet one, the wierd one, the black sheep, the distant one, the cold one, the demon.... I am, the autistic demon..... (sounds poetic lol)

ok the thing is how the f*uck can i change my self so i can be normal.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert. It just means you gather your strength from within. Just imagine if everyone was an extrovert. Sounds exhausting to me. Besides, trying to act against your true nature usually fails.

Why in the name of all that's holy would you WANT to be like one of those shallow, blathering morons?

Crike, I won't lie - my AS is a handicap that holds me back in a lot of areas on an ongoing basis, but I'd take it a million times over rather than become like the mass of humanity. In my experience, the odd people are the only ones interesting enough to be worth knowing.

You really need to get a grip on your self esteem. There's nothing wrong with you but your attitude. And by that, don't assume that I am unsympathetic - I think everyone here with AS has moments when they feel that way - shut out, ignored, helpless to fit in in any functional way - but its not as impossible as it sometimes feels. We just pick it up a lot more gradually than most, and have to develop our own ways of doing things - 'coping mechanisms'. We also require periods of isolation to recuperate after strenuous bouts of social overload.

As Aimless says, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being the quiet one in any given group. In fact, the tendency to silence is generally taken as a sign of higher intelligence. There's good reason for that - as the saying goes 'better to remain silent and be thought a fool, that to open one's mouth and remove all doubt' - most people spend every minute of their day removing all doubt.

Damn you're good Willard! This 100 times OP!

Imagine you worked in a library, for example, rather than a restaurant.
I guess that most people there would be the 'odd and quiet' type, and a shouty flirt would be the 'black sheep misfit.'
So, it is more a question of what you allow to define normal and acceptable behaviour than you being in any way wrong. You are the best 'you' possible, no-one else has the same unique blend of characteristics. Please do not think of watering that down just to fit in. Yes, perhaps learning those 'coping strategies' will help you to get by in a very NT world but, beyond that, learn to accept that it is totally fine to be yourself. Seriously, it is.
Other than that, Willard has said it all already. Read his bit again...

How, indeed, can you change yourself? You're not going to become a different person over night. In your situation, I would find a few people who seem comfortable with you and willing to talk, and get to know them. If people see you chatting with coworkers, you're less likely to stand out. Trying to act like you're one of the air heads will backfire in the worst way.

Hope things work out, because I've been in your situation before.

Unless your work is your passion, then that is always how it will be for an Aspie. If you want more life in your work, align it with your interests.


Restaurants: loud, smelly, full of sensory inputs and constant interruptions. How can you stand it? I worked in a restaurant for a while...cried a couple time right there at the register. Only didn't quit because I'm stubborn as hell. I found a way to cope, to lighten up and have fun (usually)--through rigidity and making a game of doing every behavior outlined in the Hostess job manual. I was never able to wait table though...too many variables and whenever I did have to take a table the customers always complained about me. Always. I was clumsy (go figure). Abrupt (no matter how I tried to smile and engage in chit-chat--also go figure). It was a very bad fit for me.


You won't ever be normal, but Willard is freakin' wise, you should listen to him. But...also consider...that maybe you feel so off because this isn't an environment best suited to you...that perhaps you would be more functional somewhere quieter, where your tasks were methodical and predictable and fairly interruption free. Just something to think about. No one should feel freakish each and every day of their lives just because the environment doesn't work for them.

willard brings a good point but there is no doubt he has emotional scars and years of social abuse written all over him. Yet I think he brought a resolution to a problem many AS have; they have one of two choices: to be themselves or learn how to socialize and act completely normal. It seems like many AS try a compromise to integerate the two and fail as they constant attempt to balance fails; gaining acceptence and them disavowing it by revealing their 'akward' nature. It forms a dissonant opinons of those who try that often leads to rejection and hatred.