Why do I attract angry people?
Seems no matter what I do or say I get people angry at me for a reason that's never explained. I know one of my problems is answering right back to people. When I do it feels like it takes so much effort to explain myself coherently and often I find myself taken the wrong way or misconstrued. I feel like I have to isolate myself everyone or for some unexpected reason I invoked their wrath.
Does anyone else find themselves dealing with this problem?
_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan
I've had people send me angry messages like "Thanks for being such a good listener" in a sarcastic tone or making insults. When I confront them I find myself getting ignored or blocked. Not everyone does this but it just seems like the majority of my "friendships" go from great to disaster. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong except that I'm not keeping in touch with them as much as I should...?
_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan
I think sometimes people don't want answers right away. They want to feel like you've put some time into thinking about their issue. I remember once the subject of my son's friend not standing up for him was mentioned to the psychiatrist. The psych said abruptly, "Get rid of him." Well, hold on there, it's his only friend and I happen to know that the kid doesn't stand up for my son because he's afraid. Not an excuse, but a reason to consider.The kid is only human. The psych should have taken the time to ask my son a few more questions rather than issue an snap solution. I want my son to learn to consider the other person's motivations. My point being, perhaps if you give answers a little too quickly people feel like you're not really listening. For the record. I've never gotten the sense that you do that here on WP.
conundrum
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Neither have I--you've always seemed very thoughtful.
If the answer makes sense, then that shouldn't be a problem. Maybe some people are just put off by blunt honesty.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
auntblabby
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Does anyone else find themselves dealing with this problem?
+1 billion.
This sounds like you're expecting too much from them, and they're expecting too much from you. Have you ever met any of these people in real life? The interaction goes too deep and is taken far too seriously by all involved for people you haven't actually met, and until you've met them you can't be sure that they're anything like what you think they are.
In real life as well this has happened though the message wasn't very clear.
True I might expect too much but I often find when people get to know me better, they don't want me to be around their other friends. I discovered one girl whom I was friends with since childhood I hadn't seen in 2 years. I found out through her other friends and on facebook she was having wedding. Her mother asked if I got the invitation I told her no. She was about to tell her about it but I was too hurt and asked her not to bother, that I already had plans. Before that I asked how she was doing and she told me same as usual. Like I said, this hasn't been the first time this has happened to me but it did hurt me since we'd known eachother for a very long time. I also still have trouble fitting in with peers even though they're much older now. Everyone is either married and with kids or have a home of their own and going to college...which I can't afford but that's another issue all together..
_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan
True I might expect too much but I often find when people get to know me better, they don't want me to be around their other friends. I discovered one girl whom I was friends with since childhood I hadn't seen in 2 years. I found out through her other friends and on facebook she was having wedding. Her mother asked if I got the invitation I told her no. She was about to tell her about it but I was too hurt and asked her not to bother, that I already had plans. Before that I asked how she was doing and she told me same as usual. Like I said, this hasn't been the first time this has happened to me but it did hurt me since we'd known eachother for a very long time. I also still have trouble fitting in with peers even though they're much older now. Everyone is either married and with kids or have a home of their own and going to college...which I can't afford but that's another issue all together..
That has happened to me too. I don't assume people are angry. I'm pretty mild mannered. I think it's more they think I'm uncool and boring.
This particular example sounds more like indifference than like anger. Actually, it might be better if you were to make some of these people angry or even afraid, because then at least they might remember you. I've often wondered whether I might be further ahead if I could make people angry more often.
True I might expect too much but I often find when people get to know me better, they don't want me to be around their other friends. I discovered one girl whom I was friends with since childhood I hadn't seen in 2 years. I found out through her other friends and on facebook she was having wedding. Her mother asked if I got the invitation I told her no. She was about to tell her about it but I was too hurt and asked her not to bother, that I already had plans. Before that I asked how she was doing and she told me same as usual. Like I said, this hasn't been the first time this has happened to me but it did hurt me since we'd known eachother for a very long time. I also still have trouble fitting in with peers even though they're much older now. Everyone is either married and with kids or have a home of their own and going to college...which I can't afford but that's another issue all together..
That has happened to me too. I don't assume people are angry. I'm pretty mild mannered. I think it's more they think I'm uncool and boring.
This exactly how I feel and why I use to drink a lot. When I drank I found myself feeling more accepted but since I've been sober I'm starting to get that feeling again like I'm too boring. I guess it's one of those things I'll have to learn to accept but I think there's a lot of truth to that in myself.
_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan
conundrum
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So you had to drink to be "accepted" and not be seen as "boring."
No offense, but you were looking for acceptance from the wrong people.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
conundrum
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Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 45
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This particular example sounds more like indifference than like anger.
Definitely. People like that are too afraid to come right out and say "I don't want to hang out/talk with you." IMO, as harsh as that is, I'd rather someone was honest.
Hmmm...same result (they don't want to be around you) but at least you'd have made an impact.
_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17
So you had to drink to be "accepted" and not be seen as "boring."
No offense, but you were looking for acceptance from the wrong people.
It wasn't just that. When I drank I felt more relaxed and didn't feel so akward it also made me feel more sociable amongst other things. And yes I did attract the wrong kind of people but at the time it felt better than being alone.
_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan
conundrum
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Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns
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