Still trying to sort through camp

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So, I've been back from camp for a week, and I'm still trying to sort out everything that happened.
Person from camp who knows everything (You know who you are), feel free to read this post. We can discuss on skype/FB any questions-if any.

This will be a long one, because camp was overnight for three weeks and some pretty bizarre AS-related stuff happened. The simple run-through is this:

I made a good friend at camp. Well, two to four, but that's later. Anyways, I made friends with this guy (I'll call him K). For the first week or so, it was totally awesome, because he was nice, and laughed, and we had a lot in common. And he either didn't notice or didn't care about any quirks I may have (I'm undiagnosed, pretty borderline AS. Slightly below normal social skills, pretty deep special interest in books by Orson Scott Card among other things). But back to the topic, the camp's designed to be fairly academic, we take five classes a day. One of our classes, we were assigned a topic to present on. K ended up with mental illnesses. I (semi-jokingly) asked if he'd find anything on me.

A few days later, we were working on a poster, and he brings up the topic, completely unexpected, during class (some people might overhear). "You know, I did find something that fit you pretty well-Aspergers' Syndrome". I shushed him up and avoided the subject for a day, I was so confused! He was the first person to guess it, other than me. And he'd known me for a week and a half. He managed to stumble on it because part of his topic was Autism/ASD. I told him during some semi-private free time.

It was...nice. He didn't treat me any different, but he was curious. I actually got to talk, process this with someone else.

But, I'm confused. Nobody notices through my whole life, then some kid with a school/camp project who's known me for a week can tell?

Anyways, I'm also trying to sort out the dances. Usually, I don't participate. I decided to, this time. I had a few friends who were aware or semi-aware of my poor social skills and potential meltdowns, so there wasn't any real reason for me not to.

It made me feel sad. I couldn't do it very well, I didn't understand the point. Logically, I knew how to fit in, but at first I had trouble faking the passion/energy needed. Logically, I still don't get the point of dances. Emotionally, I don't want to go to one and I don't understand how or why. I had fun with my friends, but I mostly faked it or sat out the dances where my friends participated.

That's what made me feel sad. Logically, I knew that the people were enjoying this event. Emotionally, I didn't understand why. I tried acting the same way they did. I didn't feel happy, though, unless I was just hanging out in a corner, not 'dancing'. I knew I was missing an important event, which is a step for me, from when I was younger, but I couldn't understand it, emotionally or logically, I couldn't understand how to feel the way everybody else did about this.

Does anyone 'get' what I'm trying to say about the dance?

BAD BAD BAD! Aspergers is NOT a mental illness!! !

You need to be more assertive when this kind of thing comes up. Aspergers is a learning disability and not a mental illness. An aspie is simply slow in learning social skills. They do not hear voices or think they are King Tut. Don't let the ignorance of others push you into the mentally ill category.

As far as the dance, aspies don't like doing things unless they see a clear purpose for it. In general, aspies are not that in to sports of any kind. There are exceptions. But you don't see that many aspies playing football or soccer. I don't even like watching it on TV. Dancing is a physical activity like a sport.

But a public dance does have a purpose. It is an in-person social networking event. The goal is to try to meet more friends like K and possibly meet girls. If you are an aspie, the older you get, the harder it is to find girlfriends. Meeting them in camp is a great way to go because they are kind of stuck there. So yeah, that is what you were supposed to be doing.

Ok, that wasn't actually K's fault. The teacher was (very) misinformed. Not to be stereotypical, but she was fairly old, from California, VERY Christian, and VERY vegan. She took over at the end of K's presentation to talk about how "The drug companies might not say that it's vaccines, but what about everyone else? Besides, maybe it's vaccines combined with hamburgers and air pollution?"

Ugh. Since she didn't know about me and AS (and I wasn't going to bother bringing that up), I couldn't call her on it.

To clarify, 'mental illness' was the category assigned to him and a few other students. ASD was just in that category b/c it overlapped into it more than most other categories assigned. The teacher was kinda sucky and misinformed anyways, e.g. "Depression isn't real", "Vaccines = Autism", "Your dreams are trying to tell you things"


K had no issue with me and AS and he didn't seem to treat me different. He was curious, but didn't think I was crazy or anything.

The only sport I'll do is bike riding. You might want to change your pronouns in that last paragraph, too. I'm a girl. I guess I don't understand how it's a social networking, you can't really talk to anyone over the music...

Oops. Sorry about that. When you said K was a guy, I shouldn't have assume that you were one too..

So you and K went to the dance? It certainly sounds like he liked you. I hope you got his number.

Dances are mostly body language but you can usually get a few words over the music. That's where having an NT like K at your side would be an invaluable asset. But then again, if you already have K, then the dance is just for fun.

Well, it was more like me, K, K's brother, and two of our (female) friends went. The dance is a mandatory event at our camp. Yes, he was helpful, especially since he's a bit more clued-in, so he didn't really mind that I had no clue what to do. But, I could still tell that I was 'missing something'. Oh well, it doesn't really matter too much.

I have always found that while I dread going to stuff like that, I usually end up liking it if I do go.

Aspie girls really have an advantage in that respect. A boy like K can pick up the social slack for you and explain things as necessary. That's awesome. It doesn't work that way for boy aspies. NT girls are not really that willing to take the time for a boy that is socially clueless.

Like I said, I hope you got K's number because he sounds like a keeper.

First off, depression is real. It's often existential/belief oriented and biochem, both at the same time, and that's what can make it so tricky.

And this is one good part about college. You can drop classes like this! (used to be within first 12 class days, and you can add new class during first 5).

Or, better yet, preview this class the previous semester. Just ask the professor, 'I'd like to get a head start, may I sit in on a few classes?' something like that.

Well, it works out in the short run. In the long run, it leaves independent kids with issues and a knack for flying under the radar. (Not just experience, it makes sense. After a point, you end up with problems related to AS, and a talent for hiding both AS and related problems from adults. Therefore, independent kids with few friends and no idea what's wrong. )

But, it was nice. That certainly is true, I flew under the radar during grade school due to this phenomenon. NT girls also pick up social slack for other girls. They don't explain things, but they hide them.

We could switch in the first 3 days (3 week course) but the only open classes: Singing, Cooking, Swimming.

Yes, I know depression is real. She was against any sort of psych or medical drugs. And vaccines. And houses, from what I understood.

Him picking up on your condition was probably scary for you. It used to scare the hell out of me; especially when someone did that after four hours of meeting me. When people see it, I explain it and tell them and leave it at that. That seems to satisfy most people.

Problem with camps is that they are really tiring and 'social intensive'. A lot of interactions going on. And I still do not get part of it. I had a similar experience with a goodbye party. It was just a lot of music and drinking; no quiet talking or sharing memories. People really enjoyed themselves, but I did not get it. Now I just try to help with a task which seems useful; that way I have a better connection to the party and avoid difficult social situations.

It sure did scare me, especially at first. He brought it up without any warning, in class. (There were 15 or so other students in the room, we were supposed to be doing individual work, but I'd finished mine.) I kinda just froze for a second there.