Not connecting with a flaky neighbor
I am in college and so is my neighbor but we go to different universities in the same city but she is an NT and I am an Aspie. I wanted to connect with her due to going to college but due to the weird vibes that I give out, she is backing away not knowing what is going on. She also has agreed to come to a few things that I have invited her to but she has stood me up every time. Finally, she used me once to take photos of her and her friends at a Valentine's Day party but didn't even invite me to stay.
1) How should I tell her that I have Autism?
2) How should I approach the connection part?
CowboyFromHell
Veteran
Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,158
Location: Surprise, Arizona
Talking to her about the way you are feeling that you are unwanted by her and especially the fact that you have a form of Autism is not a good idea. Maybe after a few successful attempts at getting together to hang out. But this will make her back off more, it makes you look like you're using it as an excuse. That's why we get accused of this in the first place. You're not successful at fitting in so you tell the strangers who are rejecting you that you can't fit in because you have Asperger's/Autism. This is why you move on to the next person/crowd, gaining experience along the way. Even after doing this myself, I've only just realized this as I'm typing. It actually makes you feel better to think about what went wrong, what went right, etc.
The longer you keep trying to pursue their attention, the more you'll be talked about and the chances are higher that word of your social failure will spread. And in the long run you'll appear a stronger person, if you move on and during the while patching up your mistakes. I've failed to fit in with one crowd then a year later be able to at least get some respect from the same people, but hanging around with people they know quite frequently.
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