Your social philosophy?

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I figure we should talk about general coping skills we've found effective. Might be cool to see how other people handle complex social situations, or how they think of them to make it easier.



Me first, I guess.

I've developed sort of this shotgun approach to meeting new people. I'll throw myself out there, and say all kinds of completely politically incorrect things as jokes ... and if people are able to handle the humor ... I find that I can be fairly open with them in normal conversation. When I go overboard and become offensive, they'll think its a joke ... but most important is that it helps me avoid the anxiety associated with everyday verbal interactions.

Downside is that when people chuckle at my unintentional jokes ... it sometimes feels like they are laughing at me. I also have some problems with getting people to take me seriously since I'm always making these unintentional jokes. Oh, and if you don't like bad, politically incorrect jokes ... it won't work for you.

Edit:
It still doesn't really work out in the end for me because I can't handle the delicate chit-chatty stuff that needs to happen to form a friendship after I get laughs for telling a girl her place is in the kitchen. lol

My strategy is to hope people ask questions about a subject I have some knowledge in. Since my favorite reading material is either reference materials, or history, I usually have something to say about anything, and thus, feel comfortable. It's when I think I'm expected to lead the conversation, or it's a subject I have no knowledge of that I shut down and either become very quiet, or say something painfully awkward.

I try to use humor, but I've found that it's not always a good idea, I have a history of making inappropriate jokes...

Worst case scenario: Smile and nod...

I get alo0ng great with people from other countries. So I end up talking about where they are from and if their country is has any important Historical events. I also really like talking about Books and especially movies, movies, movies. People at my work call me the Director, because I talk about movies so much.lol

i'm getting alot better at short talk, i use to be terrible at it. but ever since i lossed my virginity i find it alot easier to talk to someone if they just happen to strike up a conversation with me. hopefully i'll stay this way forever

I spent years trying to act "normal" and fit in with everyone. I'm done with that now, it's not worth the effort and stress, and ultimately it was a waste of time anyway, because I never could. These days I tend to just act however I feel. I don't really care much what anyone thinks about me, and I tend to be "inappropriate" at the best of times, so screw it. I am receptive to any friendly overtures but I'm reserved and I don't get too close to anyone; I like to maintain emotional distance. But I say what I think, and I don't beat up on myself too much for saying something "weird". I figure, if someone doesn't like it, then that's their problem and what would I want with them anyway?

I just try to not draw ANY attention to myself. If someone strikes up a conversation, I make sure that I am really polite, but not overdoing it anymore than necessary. I usually don't talk to people first because I have no "Shut-Up Filter" either that, or it works sporadically.
With my friends...*sigh* being an Aspie is really hard to explain, especially to the ones that refuse to get it. A lot of the time, I either have those that don't get it, or can't, or I have those that treat me like a normal person and get confused as to why I say certain things or act certain ways.

(I have three good friends who get it, and one who is trying to get it, in a half-assed way.)

Then there is my family, I don't even WANT to open that can of worms, but I guess I shall. Most of the time they are really understanding, they are family of course, but then there are the times that I don't get something and my stepdad has this penchant for making fun of me. Oh yea, lots of fun.

So, to sum up, I just don't talk much at school.

first of all, i don't try to start a conversation unless it's someone i know. sometimes it's hi-bye talks, sometimes a little longer. usually i just flow with chats, hope for the best.
if it's someone i don't know (or don't talk to) starts a conversation, i try to flow. though sometimes i can't tell if it's friendly or hostile. i try to get over that with sarcasm, although that doesn't always work

One thing I've discovered is that it's important to introduce yourself right off the bat and to be extroverted at the beginning instead of working your way up. That way if you run out of energy they'll already have the impression of you being nice. On another level, my social philosophy is this: Take me as I am, or I want nothing to do with you. It's a way for me to maintain my self respect.

People don't make any sense. Everybody sucks and deserves to die. That's my mental attitude. Whenever I try to be friendy to someone else it never works, ever. Whenever I am in a bad mood and feel like abusing other people all of a sudden some people start wanting to hang around me. Because I can't make friends when I want to I have come to the philosophy that everybody sucks and deserves to die.

There are social rule-sets that are instinctual to most of the population. If you want to succeed, learn the important rules well enough not to horribly offend anyone. Rest of the time, be yourself.

Pretending no one can see me works great for me.

I actually have "50 ways to fuel a conversation" posted on my refrigerator as a helpful reminder. Here are some tips someone may find helpful:

1. Be the first to say hello
2. Introduce yourself to others
3. Take risks and anticipate success
4. Make an extra effort to remember people's names.
5. Ask a person's name if you've forgotten it.
6. Demonstrate you are listening by resonating their comments in another way.
7. Ask questions
8. Let the natural person in you come out when talking to others.
9. Let others play the expert.
10. Be open to answering common ritualistic questions. (Important! I refused for the longest time, and people take it bad.)
11. See that the time is balanced between giving and receiving information.
12. Look for the positive in those you meet.
13. Start / end the conversation with the person's name.
14. Look for signs of boredom from your listener.
15. Prepare ahead of time for a social or business function.

For listening:
1. Learn to want to listen (concentrate and self-discipline).
2. Give verbal or visual cue that you are listening.
3. Control internal and external distractions.
4. Be present, watch tendency to daydream.

I compensate sometimes by trying to be a really over the top socialite, hyper-friendly, overly interested in people, fake even.
Once I reach a certain point with people when they tire of me and I feel I can't repair the relationship I just ignore them in all aspects, blank them, when provoked say abusive things.
My general philosophy is that if you can't deal with me, even tolerate me, then you deserve to suffer.

I'm confused. I have been diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum, and it was mild AS what I was considered by the doctor, and I do have a lot of AS symptoms, like high anxiety, occasional panic attacks or ''meltdowns'', difficulty making friends, fear of change, obsessions, and sensitive hearing is a major issue. But I don't seem to feel the same as other Aspies under social circumstances. I will explain what I mean by giving you a small list (because I know Aspies like lists ):-

-I can figure out when someone is joking or using some other sense of humour with me or not
-I am good at small talk (in other words, general talk)
-I can understand what people are talking about and how they're feeling by ''reading'' their facial expressions/tone of voice
-I have average eye-contact (I don't like looking at people too much when talking, but when they're talking to me I look at their eyes. Also I look at their eyes when greeting or saying bye to them)
-I remember people's names
-I don't inturrupt
-I can do expressions with my hands and face when talking
-I use tone of voice when talking - I don't have a monotone (although I can mumble at times)
-I smile a lot
-I laugh at appropriate times, cry at appropriate times
-I don't ''stim''
-My ears are always open - I don't have a world of my own
-I take an interest in what people are saying
-I don't find it hard to say yes or no answers
-I'm not too polite and not too rude - I can be rude at times when I need to be, and I can be polite at times I need to be
-I'm not too honest - in fact, I tell at least one white lie every day (bearing in mind, I don't lie on these forums)

I can't think of anything else to say, but you get the general idea. It's strange, because most Aspies have trouble with most of these. I'm not good at talking to people I don't know though, but that might be due to just general shyness, or my high irritation/anxiety can cause me to be unfriendly at times.
The reason why I struggle in social situations is because of fear that people might not listen to what I'm saying, or I might get inturrupted. So that's why I normally stay quiet in social groups. I hate parties aswell.

Funny - I don't struggle too much at many social things, yet I still can't seem to make friends.

My approach offline is the shy quiet one. I generally don't say much when I 1st meet people & I keep to myself for the most part. I can force myself to make small talk when I have to & it helps me get by. I think this is the best approach for me because I have a long history of saying the wrong things or saying em the wrong way & I inadvertently tick lots of people off when I try to be talkative with people I don't know well. My mom used to complain a lot about how I'm very rude, insensitive & not polit ect. She used to give me some stupid speech before we went to any kind of family or social things like weddings, funerals ect. When people get offend or something by me & try to call me on it; I tend to start arguing with em & defending my position because I truly do believe that I was not being rude or anything & that I was rite. I was bullied a lot as a kid & keeping to myself kept me safer. I can be quite talkative & comical with people after I know em a while & feel comfortable with em but they usually know me well enough not to be offended & they tell me when to tone it down ect.

I'm pretty sure my input won't be helpful, but what the heck!

An Aspie-ish approach to social functions:

1) Avoid them if possible.

2) If the social obligation cannot be avoided, host the function! This may seem counterintuitive, but if you are the host, you can easily avoid socializing beyond a bare greeting - there is ALWAYS something you "have to do" in some other area. Being a guest leaves one far more exposed to random conversations than hosting.

3) Avoid eye contact when possible, minimize it when it can't be avoided. Take time to admire the host's artwork or decor - if someone does approach you, you can talk about how wonderfully that artist captured the interplay of light on the wine glasses in that still life, or some such crap - can be a GREAT opportunity to explain your (probably unusual) thoughts on a subject without negative reactions!

4) Cultivate an appearance of amused detachment. If you look like you're having the time of your life, people will want to join you. If you look bored, they will try to "engage" you. If you look like you would prefer (a): slow genital mutilation with dull, rusty implements to (b): spending 3 seconds longer at the party, EVERYONE THERE will make it their mission to "help" you have a good time.

5) Never speak first! It's really amazing how much time you can spend "socializing" with people, yet never actually utter a word, if you follow this simple step.

6) If you are unable to avoid becoming involved in a conversation, try to get the other person talking about themselves. If you can get the other person to monologue, all you have to do is nod and say, "uh-huh" at appropriate times, and they'll think you're a brilliant conversationalist!

7) Learn enough about local politics to ask leading questions. DO NOT DEBATE WITH THEM - you just want to get THEM to talk. See point 6, sentence 2.

Avoid subjects you actually find interesting. Just because someone mentions the Israeli/Palestinian situation, doesn't mean they want full details of that situation's history dating back to when they were called "Hebrews" and "Philistines," ok? (unless you're at a fundraiser for the Synagogue/Mosque, AND you happen to take the "right" side of the issue. The word "and" is VERY, VERY important in that sentence.) You want the OTHER PERSON to monologue, not you.

9) Smoke cigarettes. This gives one a perfect excuse to step outside "for a minute". Even committed smokers don't want 40 people puffing away at the same time inside the house.

10) Better yet, cigars. Even the smokers will leave you alone, and they take a LOT longer to smoke!