Is "overlearning" why we don't respond to faces?

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I have begun trying to change my facial expression in response to other people's facial expressions. I'm hoping I can preserve my kindness and goodwill while doing this. While it might be seen as manipulation, NTs actually want my facial expression to change based on theirs; they become upset when I don't do it, so I might as well go for it. I only hope they aren't expecting me to show real emotion.

I started off by asking myself "what emotion is my facial expression suggesting?". I found myself involuntarily gasping and doing a few other quirky things that usually signal some sudden change in my system of values. I also noticed that my face was very tense. Then I asked myself "what emotion am I not expressing?". Again, I gasped at this. I asked myself "what emotion should I express?", and a different, more throaty and prolonged, gasp arose.

After probing the situation with a few more thoughts, succeeding at putting on some fake but realistic faces by invoking the emotion that would normally elicit them, I came to suspect the reason why it was difficult for me to pay attention to my face: I was constantly suppressing whatever facial expression I might have regarded as a "wrong".

My father is a narcissist (whom I would love to see in prison one day), so his abuse may have made me feel that there was always one "correct" way to respond, facially, to some event; any other response, even an instinctive one, would have seemed "wrong" and been shut off.

But another possibility also occurred to me: people with Asperger's might "overlearn", and inherently refuse to "unlearn", their responses to facial expressions. For instance, say I were to learn one day that I'm supposed to respond with a smile if someone smiles to me while handing me a cake. The next day, the same or another person smiles while trying to assault me. Well, I learned that I'm supposed to respond to a smile with a smile, and I learned it so well ("overlearned" it) that, like all other things in life, I'm finding it impossible to unconsciously "unlearn" it. I can only unlearn it, and thus change my behaviour, if I first make a conscious decision to do so, then automatize the decision-making process through practice.

I don't think that description applies to me. I think because I am always somewhat detached I am too busy trying to process to respond in kind or I do respond but do so internally and forget that I'm not making the actual facial expression.

It is an interesting idea and I really hope that its helpful for some people

Can I ask whether either of you ever made efforts to consciously change your emotions? It took me years to develop this skill, through a lot of trial-and-error introspection, but I feel it was extremely helpful to me.

I stopped caring. If people dont like it when I dont feel the same as them, they can go jump off a cliff. Id rather be my own self than let society try to mold me into how IT wants me to be.

I agree..

How are people supposed to know the difference, between happy tears, sad tears, O' tears, and angry tears?

I see people crying - I hand them a kleenx and ask if they are ok - I get looked at as if I am a freak for not knowing they are just fine. Or if I don't ask I get called rude for not asking if they are ok.

Screw that.. if they cannot have 1 way of doing things, why should I bother to even fake caring..

I don't quite mean it that way. I have been quite alexithymic throughout my life, but could easily tell what other people wanted me to feel, and either felt it or (since I couldn't easily avoid feeling it) strongly resisted feeling it. I had to consciously, painstakingly learn to change my emotions, then my set of values, in order to bring them all into a stable state that I could accept.

Surya, DemonAbyss10, do you ever feel the urge to make other people happy?

sound similar in a way to my own unbringing. i was so severely criticized I remained sort of frozen, stiff, helpless, and deeply depressed from an early age.

you overlearning concept rings a bell with me, and fitting the aspie mind as i understand it: aren't aspies supposed to have a lack of understanding of non verbal communication and be blind to social code? if so, (over)learning what's the proper reaction to one situation naturally arises from that - once you form a model for communication and come across a new response which doesn't make sense and contradicts the concepts you develop nothing adds up, only solution is to be (/appear) emotionless as to avoid awkward responses (isn't another way of saying alexithymic?).

to me it's impossible to force any emotion, to put an act the way you described of feeling the emotion to wear the face on the outside, i just don't want and can't force it.