One sided rule

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I have a friend who has Autism and also has some other disabilities that make her lower functioning. She currently lives with her parents who are very over protective and one sided and inconsiderate to others. They have also been known to let my friend get away with whatever she wants including calling up myself and another friend of ours more than multiple times in one day during an average week.

Last week, for example, another friend of mine told me that she had called up the house of her parents since she is temporarily staying for a few months which was about three timesone night. In response, I sent a e-mail my friend doing the calling and then her parents stating that she has been calling people up non-stop more than once a night. I had also called up my friend and mentioned to her that her behavior was unacceptable and suggested that she call me once a night and leave one message and then wait to see if the friend will call back. She agreed to the idea but I hadn't heard from her during the rest of the week by thinking that her parents grounded her.

I proceeded to contact her earlier this evening by asking her why she did not call. Her answer was that her parents set a rule where she cannot call any of her friends anymore and if they want to talk they can call her or leave a message on her cell if she us unavailable and she can call back.

As a friend, I find her behavior a bit on the selfish side on their part and I am not impressed with this mode of thinking. They also did not even bother to contact me back and talk to me or even e-mail me about her behavior so that we could work it out.

Does anyone have some advice because I feel like I have to cater to them in order to make them happy and let them walk all over me.

I don't get your beef. You wanted her stop calling all the time, so you complained to her parents and they made her stop calling. Problem solved.

You ratted her out, she got busted. Some friend. She should be the one complaining, not you.

Sounds like both you and her parents overreacted. Surely there was a better way to handle the situation than cutting off virtually all her contact with the outside world. That seems rather cruel. I agree she needed some boundaries set, but jeez, that was harsh. The poor kid is lonesome and craving interaction, this is only going to make her feel more isolated.

No, I do like her a lot and I do enjoy talking to her and enjoy having fun with her a person. However, her parents have been known to be a bit on the self-centered side when it comes to other situations in not considering other people. I am not going to drop her as a friend but she was bothering my friends and myself all the time. I mean I had told her time after time not to do that and she would not listen and I finally told her parents because she acts like a child but she is 29 years old and has an issue with following rules and guidelines as we as listening.


She has been allowed to get away with things all of her life because her parents are willing to put up with her.

So then, now her parents are treating her like the child she's acting like.
I notice parents of those on the spectrum, well, like most parents, period, they're lazy.
A lot of parents expect their kids to intuitively grasp what's going on. Because THEY socialize intuitively, it's also just as hard for an NT to explain something that comes almost instinctively. Thus, if your friend can't naturally gauge what is acceptable phone behavior or not, instead of explaining it to her by rote, her parents simply eliminated the situation altogether.
Very sloppy, very lazy, and very reactionary, but a sad truth in life.

Her parents are also very one-sided in general and that makes them very inconsiderate with other people. They also expect others to bend over backwards to please them and have even used my Aunt for things. For instance, my and I took her to Disney world for a whole about 4 years back and when we got back we waited and hour and a half for her parents to show up. As it turned out, they had gone out to eat at a fine restaurant while we have to baby sit their daughter. Again, her parents are very one-sided selfish people and they have let her get away with things before.

I think you should have just told her personally. If she didn't listen and kept calling too often, just do not answer the phone every time she calls, and keep reminding her if she calls at a bad time, etc that she doesn't need to keep calling or shouldn't call at that time. What were you expecting her parents to do when you complained to them? If I were her, I would be very sad about this reaction from a so-called friend. If my friends complained to my parents about my behavior towards them I would feel betrayed (and I'm younger than she is). And if you consider her your friend, why do you talk about having to "babysit" her? Spending time with your friend is not babysitting...

If she's just grounded, then it won't be forever, right? I think a few week's time out will be good, and then afterwards hopefully her parents will relax a bit and your friend might have learnt some self-restraint.