Is it wrong to ask someone to change?

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We just had WWIII in our household.

One of the issue of conention is my Aunt needs to change her personality. She becomes angry over the littlest things. She is clearly in the wrong.

Is it wrong to ask someone who is clearly in the wrong to change?

Unfortunately, it's next to impossible to change a persons personality.

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Last edited by Willard on 01 Sep 2010, 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not alway. We all have things about ourselves we need to change.

Like something my mother changed about herself was she learned to not hit every time she was mad. She is that was very hard to chnage. It wasn't fair for us kids to get hit every time we make her mad. It wouldn't have been wrong if our dad told her to change that about herself. But she decided herself to change that.

Well, telling someone who has 'anger management issues' that they're "clearly in the wrong"... [sarcasm]like that conversation is going to turn out well! [/sarcasm]

That's more like a confrontation. There are ways and means.

Like instead of telling someone that they are clearly in the wrong and that they need to change their personality, make it less about blaming them, and more about how their behaviour makes you/other people feel.

Instead of 'attacking' someone's personality by telling them they need to change, it might be more productive to explain how it affects other people, how her behaviour maybe frightens, upsets, hurts you/others.

i.e. Less of the '"You're clearly wrong and you need to change your personality" and more along the lines of "Y'know when you yell and shout and get angry like that, it makes me feel nervous, frightened, upset, hurt" or whatever affect it has, however it makes you feel. So it's less about her having to change because she's wrong or bad or whatever, but more along the lines of it would be good/better for you/others if she could be more considerate about your feelings and try to take your feelings into account and it would be appreciated if she could make the effort to try not to upset, frighten, hurt you/others... kind of thing.

Is your Aunt on the spectrum, btw? Because stubborn behaviour, anger management problems, lack of empathy can be indicative...

She might be on the spectrum. She is impossible to get along with. She doesn't understand anything besides direct language. That is the problem.