Situation to evaluate...
26 Aug 2010, 9:27 pm
Okay I was in a little uncomfortable position tonight and I wanna ask some advice to help if I am in ever in the same kind of situatuion again.
So I went with my sister and brother-in-law to eat out at an outside burger type joint. While my brother-in-law and I where getting our food, my sister grabbed a seat and saw my brother-in-law's niece and her friend. Okay well I know my BIL's niece as she is a year younger than me, were not really friends or anything.
Anyway, her friend was very cute and I had sunglasses on and I couldn't stop staring at her. Beautiful eyes, beautiful face, beautiful everything.
Now the problem was on top of me being very awkward, shy, low self-esteem/confidence, whatever you want to call it. How could have I gone about asking for this girl's number. I was kind of quiet the whole time just throwing in random comments during my sister's/BIL/BIL's niece was having.
I never said anything directly to her friend and I maybe only asked her 1 question, but pretty much ate and threw in some random comments as they kept the convo flowing.
I just wish I was better at talking to girls...I just get so nervous, it's like I crawl up into my shell. On top of that I had my sister and my BIL there so it was just weird. I don't want to get into the whole standards thing again...anyway about me...
I would say I'm maybe as low as a 3 or 4 to some girls to as high as a 7 [So average/maybe above/below]. I'm gonna try to get better at talking to girls and even girls that are unattractive I will try to befriend...I'm not concerned about that, I wanna a nice personality. But say this girl had a nice personality...do you think it's possible for me to ever get to befriend a girl that I would say is in the upper echelon (8-10)...she was a 9 to me and sounded really nice when she answered my sister question of what she wanted to be. I'm obviously going to the gym to get in shape better but, I just want some advice on these types of awkward situations and advice in talking to girls in general...
I just want it to work for me, I have said last year that college is different and I vowed to get girl friends. I talked, made a couple laugh (by luck of situation) but never took that next step and got a number, or went for lunch, etc...
leejosepho
Veteran
Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
27 Aug 2010, 8:53 am
Tell your BIL you would like to get to know his niece's friend, and maybe he could arrange for the two girls to come to a patio cookout or something.
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================
28 Aug 2010, 8:19 pm
Hi JP88.
I think that going to the gym is a great idea, not just to work on your body!
If you go to the gym regularly, people who also go regularly will see you often, and you will become familiar to them.
This is a great way to meet people, especially girls. Girls often feel more comfortable with giving a guy their number, if he is already familiar. They are also more likely to ask you for your number!
Doing an activity with a group of people eg. gym, pool, social sports, also takes the pressure off conversation. You can talk to people about the activity, without being expected to have a long conversation (because everybody is focussing on the activity).
bye.
28 Aug 2010, 10:28 pm
So I went with my sister and brother-in-law to eat out at an outside burger type joint. While my brother-in-law and I where getting our food, my sister grabbed a seat and saw my brother-in-law's niece and her friend. Okay well I know my BIL's niece as she is a year younger than me, were not really friends or anything.
Anyway, her friend was very cute and I had sunglasses on and I couldn't stop staring at her. Beautiful eyes, beautiful face, beautiful everything.
Now the problem was on top of me being very awkward, shy, low self-esteem/confidence, whatever you want to call it. How could have I gone about asking for this girl's number. I was kind of quiet the whole time just throwing in random comments during my sister's/BIL/BIL's niece was having.
I never said anything directly to her friend and I maybe only asked her 1 question, but pretty much ate and threw in some random comments as they kept the convo flowing.
I just wish I was better at talking to girls...I just get so nervous, it's like I crawl up into my shell. On top of that I had my sister and my BIL there so it was just weird. I don't want to get into the whole standards thing again...anyway about me...
I would say I'm maybe as low as a 3 or 4 to some girls to as high as a 7 [So average/maybe above/below]. I'm gonna try to get better at talking to girls and even girls that are unattractive I will try to befriend...I'm not concerned about that, I wanna a nice personality. But say this girl had a nice personality...do you think it's possible for me to ever get to befriend a girl that I would say is in the upper echelon (8-10)...she was a 9 to me and sounded really nice when she answered my sister question of what she wanted to be. I'm obviously going to the gym to get in shape better but, I just want some advice on these types of awkward situations and advice in talking to girls in general...
I just want it to work for me, I have said last year that college is different and I vowed to get girl friends. I talked, made a couple laugh (by luck of situation) but never took that next step and got a number, or went for lunch, etc...
mybest advice is to keep in mind that the odds are against you when you talk to a girl.... nothing personal - the odds are against EVERYONE. nobody is successul every time they try. it is not possible. it's a matter of dusting yourself off and moving on.
i've been thinking a lot about aspies and how *some* of us may differ from *some* NTs. i was thinking that perceptive NTs may be able to discern very quickly if they will be successful (or not) with a possible subject of desire. so, they may know when to bow out and move on.
but some aspies may have more trouble reading the intentions of their subjects of desire early on, so they sometimes assume incorrectly. we either think we have no chance, or we can't tell we are being rejected. therefore we give up right away, or we follow through to a bitter and embarrassing end (i.e. nasty rejection).
so erhaps some NTs may have a better time of escaping rejection unscathed where an aspie ends up humilliated or lonely. i don't have any advice for that part, except to learn to study body language. i am trying that myself.
_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105
30 Aug 2010, 12:10 am
Well I don't judge based on looks but it's just odd to me in my observance and encounters in school/college that heavier girls are very odd. I had this one girl, who was my friend's cousin basically stalk me for the first few days. She was really big but that's not the point...she has to be one of the most annoying people you will ever meet. I have a friend who doesn't assert himself and the poor kid had to walk with her to her car after class every day (We were all in the same class). Once we took a test and she finished before both of us and my friend is usually the slowest test-taker. When I got done which was like 10 mins. after she did, I left and she was waiting for him outside...talk about creepy. I made sure I let her know the first few days that I don't want to bother as she would come up to me every single time she saw me. And again, her looks, even though she was huge, didn't matter, it was just how annoying she was.
And for me, I wish I was a little more attractive so it wouldn't be as hard as it is for me now...I honestly would give a 5 a chance, if a 8 or 9 came in I wouldn't think twice...lmfao
