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Clearly, nonverbal social cues don't apply to everyone.

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AspieJade18
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31 Aug 2010, 4:56 am

As the defective social misfits, we try our best to learn appropriate nonverbal behaviors right? I'm lucky to be able to make eye contact with others with minor discomfort, what I noticed is that most NT's don't even sustain eye contact or in some they stare at you like they see something wrong. I don't believe it is only Aspies who're 'socially innapropriate'. Some NT's are just as innapropriate in socializing.



BTDT
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31 Aug 2010, 8:15 am

Eye contact is actually a two way non-verbal form of communication. It only works when both parties respond appropriately.



JadedMantis
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31 Aug 2010, 9:20 am

also, the complicated thing about eye contact is precisely that it is not maintained but rather correct eyecontact is an intricate series of making and breaking eye contact. It is in other words some form of eyedance. Either missing these contact points or maintaining contact beyond what is appropriate in that instance is wrong and is picked up by the other party.

That is the theory anyway, which is why I am pretty much screwed in the eyecontact department...



Moog
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31 Aug 2010, 10:04 am

JadedMantis wrote:
also, the complicated thing about eye contact is precisely that it is not maintained but rather correct eyecontact is an intricate series of making and breaking eye contact. It is in other words some form of eyedance. Either missing these contact points or maintaining contact beyond what is appropriate in that instance is wrong and is picked up by the other party.

That is the theory anyway, which is why I am pretty much screwed in the eyecontact department...


Pretty much. You have to know when to initiate and break contact at appropriate times. I still haven't sussed this. It's very complex, and much easier to learn by osmosis than by technical study.


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dryad
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31 Aug 2010, 10:05 am

JadedMantis wrote:
also, the complicated thing about eye contact is precisely that it is not maintained but rather correct eyecontact is an intricate series of making and breaking eye contact. It is in other words some form of eyedance. Either missing these contact points or maintaining contact beyond what is appropriate in that instance is wrong and is picked up by the other party.

That is the theory anyway, which is why I am pretty much screwed in the eyecontact department...


i *think* i've figured out the dance:

look away when speaking to avoid interruption if you are not seeking an immediate response, unless it's about the person you're speaking to;
look at the person when it is time for a response;
look at them when they are speaking to show you're paying attention.

except that i can't see and hear at the same time, so i look at something non-stimulating when listening. heh.



Catatab_Tabimount
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31 Aug 2010, 12:50 pm

I always just do the fake glance at the eyebrows or the mouth, then look away as I was told my my social skills teacher. Nobody ever notices the I never REALLY make eye contact. My NT brother also has trouble with eye contact, and my mom gives him a lot of lectures about it while she misses mine.



vikingsteve
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31 Aug 2010, 12:54 pm

I've been getting better since going back to school. I feel confident in my eye contact in the classroom, and I have no fear when it comes to speaking loudly, clearly, and concisely... sadly, this won't translate to outside the classroom. I'm trying to figure out why...



dryad
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31 Aug 2010, 1:08 pm

vikingsteve wrote:
I've been getting better since going back to school. I feel confident in my eye contact in the classroom, and I have no fear when it comes to speaking loudly, clearly, and concisely... sadly, this won't translate to outside the classroom. I'm trying to figure out why...


is it the "formal" setting vs. a casual one?



vikingsteve
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31 Aug 2010, 1:29 pm

Could be. I'm willing to bet it is because there are no repercussions for doing nothing in the "casual" setting. If I do nothing in the classroom I will gain nothing, possibly lose participation points.