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Miyah
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26 Aug 2010, 4:22 pm

It has been in a University setting for 4 days and I love my classes and I am very into my school work. I am also a fairly new student as a transferred junior after 5 years of online classes at a jr. college and finally graduating. However, I notice that I go and sit in my classes and I just see everyone else connecting with each other and I have such a hard time of it. Like today, for instance, I noticed that everyone from my English class seemed to connect with each other but I have not seemed to make one single connection with anyone here. Does anyone have some sort of suggestions?



ZyklonB
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26 Aug 2010, 6:08 pm

I noticed that too. When I was going to school, I seem to not connect with people and sit kind of like a loner in class.
I'm terrible at conversation and that may be why.



hyperlexian
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26 Aug 2010, 8:00 pm

i'd like to say it gets better. for me it didn't. i hope you find a way to work through it, because honestly it's horrible to be a 38-year-old woman who feels like an outsider at work.

i tend to be fairly outgoing, like i organize stuff with people, and i try to be friendly to everyone. i am known as being positive and cheerful, supposedly. but i still get left out of stuff. like if a group wants to buy a present for someone's birthday, they don't ask me to pitch in, or if some people want to go for ice cream i am not invited.

it doesn't happen all of the time, but enough that i feel lonely quite a lot. one exception is a guy friend that always tries to include me. he used to be left out like me, but now he is really embraced by people. so he cares to help me out too. but i hate feeling like someone is taking pity on me.

i feel disconnected from the bigger group.


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TheMinnesotaIceman
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26 Aug 2010, 10:57 pm

I experienced the same thing.



Skyjester
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27 Aug 2010, 1:30 am

It's just the 'new kid on the the block' feeling. You're entering an environment at a point where a lot of people already know each other. Could be they know each from previous classes, dorms, or what not. I've been in similar positions many times in college. Just give it some time. My best suggestion would be to find the groups that are focus on earning the same degree as you are, and causally let them know you are heading in the same direction, it might even take a quarter/semester for you to become 'recognized'. Just hang with it, do your thing, and it will happen.

Also watch for 'department-related' activities. When I was in college the department my degree was in often had activities to get to know each other. We had potlucks, Halloween parties, ice skating days, and so on. There was also a professional society that was hosted by the department and they had quarterly meetings for new members and often included pizza, and was very causal.

But mostly, just be there. It won't take long before someone will take an interest in the person they don't know but see everywhere.


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auntblabby
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27 Aug 2010, 2:42 am

Skyjester wrote:
It won't take long before someone will take an interest in the person they don't know but see everywhere.


wish i could say that happened to me, but it was 2 years in college and nobody would talk to me 'cept for the profs. in high school nobody would talk to me [aside from chiding bullies] 'cept the teachers.



MicroChip
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29 Aug 2010, 11:26 pm

I still have a hard time connecting with people, always have.



jmnixon95
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30 Aug 2010, 2:11 pm

I always experience that. I have noticed it more this school year, though. I can go an entire day without uttering one word of social conversation and be completely fine. I have for many days.



CockneyRebel
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30 Aug 2010, 3:35 pm

I've always had problems, connecting with my peers, so I'm afraid that I won't be of any help.


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01001011
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30 Aug 2010, 10:06 pm

I suspect it is some body language / social space issue. Even if I sit in the middle of a group, nobody seems to notice me. :roll:



deadeyexx
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02 Sep 2010, 12:47 pm

Well, you can appear to connect by socializing more and letting people think you care. What helped me a lot (and am still working on) is thinking less and talking more. Being a quiet guy for so long, I became an expert observer and could gather any information by just sitting and observing. However, other people probably saw me as uninterested and boring. Not sure if I really connect, but have been getting positive responses by just asking questions that I would have normally deduced the answer too.