why the bullying ?

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hi
i haven't posted for a long while in the forum. i'm 27yo, and not officially dx'ed (though one time in a brief session a shrink said i could be schizoid, which i guess my evident high pain tolerance supports it )

i don't know how many share that experience, recently i'm trying do figure out what caused all thte bullying though all of my school years, as a matter of fact it lasted all the time i was part in a group. just to give you idea of what i'm talking about : earliest incident i remember was in daycare when was 2-3yo, a girl sitting in sandbox crashed a toy on my head and the nanny took me to medical center to make a stitch in my scalp. all school years was a battleground for survival, most boys beat me (either because they were bullies or because they wanted to be popular and follow others) and numerous incidents like beineg tied to a tree in a field by older boys, being crushed and hunted (the fastest boys at times ran after me for 1-2kms - but thanks to my extra low bmi i could run away when had clear way to escape). even after school sometimes kids called me to prank me in the phone, or went to my house to look for me (my parents returned home only in the evening). the worst was left to after school hours - a local rabbi (a retired psychologist and a schoolmaster) "took custody" of me and practically starting when i was a kid, durding all of my teen years, i spent lying underneath him for an hour every time (in first years he didn't talk me into it, he used force without talking) in a game which he played "fighting" with me, and i was bruised and cut by him every time (years after i quit going to him went to police and they said nothing illegla happened). i never fully understood why i kept going to him, but now i realize i feared his power (whenever i stopped going to him he sent other boys who used to see him to talk me into going back to him).

so, my question is, why did they do that ? when i try to understand these things, i think i was completely passive and that was the reason people could do all these things to me, i just couldn't take command over my life in no situation and relied on others to leave me alone. i think some followed the mob, but yet it was so common in every social setting. maybe kids here in israel are just violent.
as a richard dawkins fan i summarize in evolutionary terms: survival of the fittest (therefor if you're weak enough so people can do that to you, you deserve it). but what i'm trying to find out is what drove them to do it, what did they think was in it for them ?

competition for environmental resources? just a thought. watching nature in my backyard, i see bullying hummingbirds who are always chasing away other birds from "their" feeder.

Aspie's, loners, or social interoverts of any kind tend to attract people to them because they are vulnerable.

I don't live in Israel, but if the police claims the actions of the rabbi are normal, they have serious problems.

Bullies act the way they do because they're scumbags, pure and simple. They enjoy causing harm, fear, sadness etc, which makes them bad people. They will target those who are least likely to fight back, and least likely to seek or secure help against them.

Are you or do you look Arabic, by any chance?

but why did they do it for ? what did they gain from it ? they already *knew* they were stronger (which is why they picked on me in the first place) ?
i understand why they didn't see problem doing it - when mr. burns was asked how he could destroy marine life for his fish oil business, he answered "fish make oil" (his profit was the justification). what i can't see in that case is WHAT FOR (as what was their interest)?

There's a clear interest for them in chasing the other birds away, but I fail to see why would an older boy chase a kid away when they don't compete for anything.

primaloath ~
i'm not arab and I do'nt think I look much one. Almost all israeli arabs attend their own schools or a few christian ones.
i think the reason why the police didnt find it ilegal was i kept going to him for more than 12 years and also because i wasn't "officialy" under his supervision (as he wasn't "in duty").

i think i'm also a severe case of dysthimia - i was always clueless of any casuality in feeling and don't identify emotions in me untill directed by others, that's why, i think, i continued going to him and not complaining to anyone about kids in school. i also didn't get much attention from parents and communication was always very limited in my family. don't know how never was referred to a shrink - during my late teen years almost every nightt i sat in terror fearing in the darkness and convinced aliens could read my mind, by last school year was absent 25% of the time, only when was adult saw one a few times.

reconsidering things, i'm probably more szd than aspie, I was always completely oblivious to social code and how to get along with other people (i have never worked and except few cases during HS never had social life), and the level of detachment look to me very characteristic of szd (when was 12 he weighed about X2.5 my body weight and my lungs could barely expand under his weight). in the aspie side i was so naive i put my faith in him and *truly believed* all the things the rabbi told me (which only now i understand were tricks to keep me going to him - mostly used my fear) and thought the activity with him was deserving to me and something I had to go through, i even gave him hlaf my pocket money in the last yeasr i used to see him.

It's because we're vulnerable.

in the big picture, the bully sees everybody weaker than himself or herself as competition for resources in general [for example, teachers' time and attention, food, friends, etc.] in a classic "this place ain't big enough for the two of us" confrontation, a bully believes there is no room for one who is inferior to him/herself in his/her social sphere [like in school or on the job], and so will harrass a weakling until that weakling either learns to act in an alpha manner [like mcfly decking biff in B2TF], or disappears entirely. i never learned how to deck anybody so i had to learn to be invisible, with mixed results.

I once decked a preacher's son in the vestibule and later gave one of his brothers a week-long limp by kicking him in the shin as he walked past me on the school bus, but I still would rather have had opportunities to just talk with them and try to help them out of their own misery.

i think i understand it better now. but still can't understand why the old rabbi did what he did to me, it wasn't just bullying, it was torture for sake of torture (said it was exercise, but i now know it was a lie, he certainly didn't have to "work out" when i was still a child).
what do you mean in to be invisible?

Because they could always use a free and easy ego boost, for the sake of exercise in power, dominance, inflating the big bubble they wrapped themselves in? Satisfaction of seeing someone inferior, weaker than them? People like to feel bigger, smarter, more competent than others, always comparing, jealous of those that are better/smarter/whatever, and using those that are perceived weaker than them for their own gratification/sense of worth/power/satisfaction.

bullies don't tell the truth to their victims unless it is for a specific purpose, in the manner of [another cinematic moment here, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"] the bully believing that his or her victims don't deserve to know the truth about the bully's internal mental deliberations, unless it can be used to further rub salt into the wounds.



to blend into the woodwork, so-to-speak. to be inconspicuous, bland, to hide in plain sight. to be a hermit no matter where one happens to be.

Look, you're a much, much better person than that Rabbi. He's a total scumbag who abused you. You don't really need to search for some justification for what he did. He doesn't have any. And you don't need to blame yourself for having been a victim.

If you want an explanation for why some people are abusers, have a look at this:
www.escapeabuse.com/npd.pdf

Why do lions spend all their lives hunting? Because they're too stupid and callous to do anything good with their lives. Why do wolves always abuse a fellow pack member? Because they're too stupid and callous to do anything good with their lives. Why do some people stoop down to torture? Because they're too stupid and callous to do anything good with their lives. Bear this in mind: abusers are stupid and callous. If they were more intelligent, they would recognize that their callousness is hindering the world, and relinquish it. If they were more caring, they wouldn't abuse in the first place.

Just accept that the bullies are stupid and callous, whereas you're not. Be proud of yourself and whatever you care about; learn to defend yourself and take action against those who oppose you / the things you care about, knowing that their deeds are unjust.

I think you asked questions about whether abuse could cause schizophrenia in another thread. I'll get back to you on that... In the meantime, if you need my support or friendship, I encourage you to PM me.

I haven't had any bully problems since 8th grade. It seemed that when I got to high school I was heavy, and tall, and I suppose that combination kept the bullies away. It must be tough for short people with AS though... I'd have to say if I didn't owe it to my height, I'd probably have seriously injured a lot of people. Bullies only understand two things, rejection, and pain. Likely because they are going through them as well, which makes it all the more unfair that we should have to use it against them. Ignore them, beat them up, or make fun of them. There's no happy ending, no kind route.


The main cause of my bullying was pretty obvious. I was a nice kid, I trusted people, and I didn't always catch on. Easy target, and I was very gentle, so they didn't fear retaliation. They may have also picked on me because I was always the tallest in my class (and thus, they must nullify me as a threat, lest they be bullied by ME some day)

Or, catholic schools are just full of snot nosed brats. It's a toss up if you ask me.

thank you primaloath.
i read parts of the document about narcissists and i think that what he is. i first realized it when read about their use of language with their own private meaning, i always wondered how he could say things which were obviously disconnected from reality.