Not Welcome at Friends House

Post Reply New Topic

My friend lives with some of one of his friends and another roomate. He pays rent for his room and board.

I used to often hang out with him and play video games.

Now my friends roommate's girlfriend has send me a facebook message saying I shouldn't be there so much, and since I got a job, I am only there occasionally.

So the couple was going for the long weekend, and I chilled with my friend saturday and sunday. On monday we were playing video games and his roommate says my friend should do the thing they talked about before. So after a bit my friend says he is going to go to a mutural friend of ours who hasnt answered his phone in days. So we get like 5 minutes away and he says he doesn't have to go there (to our friends which is on the way to my house) anymore, so I say goodbye I will go home.

Cliffs
Friend lives with a couple and another roommate.
Couple Girlfriend msg me saying I should be there so much.
My friend has a reason to leave so I go home after the reason disappears mid journey.

I don't know what is going on.
Why can't my friend let me hang out in his room?
Did my friend just invent a reason to leave instead of just asking me?

This makes me sad because I think people hate me and won't even say it.

ok, coupla questions;

1. does the girfriend live in the house and pay rent? (if not, you have as much right as she has to hang out there, provided it's ok with your friend).

2. how many hours do you hang out in a row, and for how many days a week on average?

3. where do you hang out; your friend's room, or the communal area? Do you grab snacks from the communal fridge/walk through the rest of the house a lot? Does your friend play loud music when you're around?

Don't worry, I'm just trying to get an idea of whether she's got a reason to complain or not. She may just have issues that aren't really your problem.

I wouldn't read too much into your friend going off to find the mutual friend; on it's own, it just looks as if he wanted to see a mutual friend with you and then changed his mind. Bit odd (and a bit rude), but people can be like that. Maybe a 3 days marathon was a bit much for him (do you have your own house? Does he ever hang out with you there?)

1. She lives there, and may pay rent. Its not my business so I don't ask. The couple sought out roommate because she was having a hard time paying her share of the rent.
2. I don't know, I don't keep track. I would guess I generally stay hang out for 3-5 hours at a time.
3. I stay in his room, I don't take their food or drink, and my friend isn't any more bothersome when I am around.

I live in my moms basement, and don't have an xbox or anything, so we don't hang out here. We used to live together and we were having fun so I doubt he suddenly got tired of me in the middle of playing a game as soon as they came home.

The "thing they talked about before" was having you over to visit as long as the girlfriend roomate wasn't around. As soon as she was back (or soon to arrive), they had agreed to get you out of the house in a way that wouldn't feel like kicking you out.
This was to avoid a confrontation with her and you.



Technically he can. But this would require much arguing and confrontation with the girlfreind roomate, which he probably doesn't want to deal with.


Yes. If he has said "you have to leave now because Girlfriend Roomate is just about to get home", you would have gotten into a confrontation with him about why her arrival had to mean your departure. He is stuck in the middle between you and her and is trying to deal with it in a way that causes as little strife as possible. He doesn't want to lose your friendship (he did spend an entire weeekend with you) and he also doesn't want to come home to an argument with her every night. Finding a way to keep you and her from being near each other without explicitly saying so is the compromise he's made.

The roomate girlfriend doesn't like you, although from all this it isn't clear why. Your friend does not suddenly hate you. He is simply trying to avoid a confrontation that he will be stuck in the middle of.

Thanks for explaining that.

I just HATE to be treated like fifth wheel, sorta speak. I'd give'em one big and leave. Why don't you invite your friend to your place?

I've realized that when someone lives with someone else (rent payer or not), your being there is an intrusion on everyone who is there. So, that one person wants you there does not mean the others want you there as well. They might tolerate one another having friends over for a period of time, but if they fell the amount of time you are spending there is intrusive to their enjoyment of the home, they will protest.

Think of it like this. If you have guests over, at some point you want them to go home. In a home with multiple people under one roof, each has their own tolerance for guests, and if one member allows too many to come by, stay to long, do to much, they will be upset, and they are within their right to some extent.

I'm sorry that things had to turn out, that way.

K, so her and her partner rented out a room in their rented house/flat because they had to. Not sure if that's technically legal, but that's besides the point. They're probably not overjoyed at having a lodger to begin with, let alone the lodger's mate 24/7 (an exageration, but that's what it will feel like to them).

3-5 hours once a week, or every single day? If it's the former, it's still quite a lot, if it's the latter, you should probably be paying rent too.

At least you don't take their food though or act like the rest of the place is your own. You still need to walk through their house every time you come and go though, unless your mate has a separate entrance.

Maybe your mate can leave his xbox at your place and come round to your to play?