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Last edited by Silverweed on 14 Sep 2010, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can understand the friend's anger, but I think your boyfriend was very mature to tell the mum.

Well I think your boyfriend went about it the wrong way. He should have spoken to his friend about it instead. The thing is, is that weed smoking does not equal jumping off of a cliff. My brother in law owns a trucking company by himself at 19 years old and smokes weed every day. The problem isn't the weed, the problem is people who use it. If you boyfriend is/was that truly concerned, he should have been kept an eye out for his friend's responsible or irresponsible use of it. Weed is not the CAUSE of irresponsibility, it's an aggrivator if it's already a problem with the person. So while you may think weed is the core problem that will wipe away mistakes if it's stopped. . . . it isn't. Think of weed like a megaphone for problems that the person already has. It shouts them out loud so everyone can see them. If they're already a bit lethargic, weed may make them really lethargic. If they already didn't feel like doing homework, smoking weed will give them an extra excuse to--- but the problem, again, is already seeded in the person's personality and way of doing things. When I smoked weed, my grades never slipped or suffered, because I was always motivated, smoking or not.

I wouldn't 'interfere' in the sense of getting in the way, but you should sit them both down and talk to them and let them let out their emotions at eachother in a controlled environment and think up a solution to the problem. That would be a horrible reason to end a friendship--- and again, it's not the weed causing the problem, but the people involved who are taking it too seriously on both sides.

I've been in this situation before. I took the keys from a friend who was drunk and she didn't talk to me for a while, but I didn't mind (I mean it was upsetting but I'm glad she was safe) because I care about her and don't wanna see anything bad happen to her or anyone else!

One of my friend's daughters was told never to drink and drive, so she was walking home drunk and when her and her friend crossed the road they got hit by a car and she passed away.

I think substance abuse is a serious problem because people begin to normalize the behaviour and think they can jump behind the wheel and end up hurting someone! I'd rather have someone mad at me and keep their life.

I hope your friend gets his stuff together and smartens up.

I do however have friends who have medicinal marijuana lisences and really find benefit from the stuff but they don't abuse it and they don't drive while intoxicated!

Have a good night!

Yeah, he really shouldn't have interfered. First of all, it's just pot. Second of all, you just don't go tattling to someone's mom. It's seen as pretty childish and lame. Michael should have just spoken privately with Ryan (privately meaning when they're alone together, or on the phone, etc. NOT in front of his friends.)

In the end, we're all in charge of our own destinies. Nobody appreciates anyone who interferes like that - and people ESPECIALLY loathe people who get them into trouble.

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Last edited by Silverweed on 14 Sep 2010, 6:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It sounds like your boyfriend's friend is already an addict and needs intervention if he can be pressured to accept it.

Michael does not know whether that will ever actually happen, and tattling on Ryan could never have accomplished anything better than what you have reported:


Since Ryan certainly has no intention of ever doing that, the question there is whether we should "let" (as if we could even "stop") others from getting even close to things *we* happen to believe are dangerous.

During a visit to the Grand Canyon, my wife (knowing how easily I can lose my balance) once warned me to stay well-back from the edge ... and less than 30 seconds later, I really did almost fall in ... and I likely would have had even *more* trouble regaining my balance (because of worrying about what might happen to her) if she had actually reached out toward me and physically tried to grab and stop me.


Michael sees danger -- Ryan does not ...

If you wish, you might talk with the police to see whether they might want to bother trying to "catch" him and arrest him for a bit of "shock therapy" or whatever, but my own 30 years of trying to help alcoholics and addicts have taught me it is usually best to just wait and see whether they are still breathing when they finally *do* realize that light at the end of the tunnel actually *was* a train.

How do you figure that hey boyfriend's friend is already an addict? Nowhere in the initial post she states how often the guy smokes and if it even interferes with his life at all... She even admits that they found out it had been going on for a while but obviously he's been acting normal because there was no indication that he was smoking at all until he disclosed it himself. Only AFTER they found out, they became concerned and that's probably because of all the bs propoganda you hear on news media regarding pot.

I also don't understand why your boyfriend would go tell his freind's mom and expect to be the hero... What kind of discussion you think the best freind and mom had that night that now the whole friendship is on the rocks? If you care about someone's well being you talk to THEM and if they wont change then it's not your place to try to force it upon them just because you think it will affect them negatively in the future.

Road to hell is always paved with good intentions and this is a classic example. Everyone has their own lives to live and noone can tell them how to live it. It's there for them to discover it themselves.

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Last edited by Silverweed on 14 Sep 2010, 6:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, what do you think, based on your freind's reaction? Your boyfriend might have had his heart in the right place but narcing on somoene is not a way to get his point across. Try convincing him of your boyfreind's noble intentions now... Think about how the friend feels right now; betrayed and narced on by a supposed freind and heard a mouthful from mom already who probably has her own set of misguided prejudices against pot... If they're ever able to work things out again, there will probably be trust issues between the two, going forward and they might not be as close as they once were.

Everyone's choices are essentially their own to make unless there is an immediate danger to the person himself or to others.

Maijuana in general does not qualify as such a danger.

The best thing one can do is talk to the person himself.

I can understand your BF felt an honest compulsion to go to his friends' mother but it may not have been the best course of action.

"Subjecting said person to" is exactly what even Michael had in mind, and police can often be far more effective than mothers when someone insists upon "intervening". However, as as shared, I do not personally recommend intervention (other than something like Michael quietly approaching and talking with Ryan) in this kind of situation at all.

This.

Obviously, if you're doing something wrong and someone rats you out, you're gonna be mad at them, but the basic fact is he was doing something wrong - something which could very well damage his life.

I also think the bf should have talked to his friend before going straight to his mom. Personally, I wouldn't interfere if the friend was doing pot....I would have if he was doing cocaine or something, but not pot.

From about 15 to 17 I was smoking a lot. I can definitely say I wish had spent more time trying to do better in school and less time getting baked. At 18 I would still sometimes have a smoke but not often. To be honest I've taken MDMA, Coke, Mushies, Salvia, Acid, Mcat, Speed, BZP and Ketamine as well.

It is easy to have a dependency on weed but to call somebody an "addict" is a bit harsh.

I don't think drugs are a good thing in any way but it is lack of social acceptance that makes it more difficult to help people with genuine drug problems. If people could at least be a little more open about using drugs they would be less likely to hide it from people meaning if they do need help they would not be as scared to ask for it.

I agree with a few people here that your boyfriend should I just spoken to his friend about it and if it was seriously effecting the guys life in a bad way then try to offer him advice and let him know that you do care about what happens to him. If it then later seemed like he was putting weed before himself then I would maybe get his mum involved.