Difference between being a friend and being a creeper

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Non_Passerine
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21 Sep 2010, 1:17 pm

I've been in a few of these situations recently. What's the fine line between being a friend who's willing to help and be around or in touch with others, and being a clingy creeper who won't go away? How do you come off as a friend and not a leech or freak?

How often can you be TOO in touch with certain people for non business-related things?



deadeyexx
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21 Sep 2010, 1:30 pm

Easy. If you offer help, and they reject it, you're done asking. It is now thier turn to initiate contact with you if they need something. Go find something else to do.

You will come off as a creeper if you keep offering help or to spend time together and get rejected each time. People will ask (and you should be asking yourself) why you're not dealing with someone more responsive.



nekowafer
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21 Sep 2010, 1:52 pm

I'd say every other day is a good amount of contact for a friend. Not necessarily a best friend, but just a friend. Don't make it an even every other day thing, either, you don't want to seem to be too deliberate. Talking to them every single day, even online, can make you look a little obsessive. Leave them alone for longer once in awhile.

Pretty much, make it kind of random. Over-thinking it can sometimes give off the creepy vibe.


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passionatebach
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21 Sep 2010, 2:10 pm

I have been in this situation more than once in my life. As a person with AS, it can be hard to regulate friendship, especially if a person takes an interest in you.

Spontenaity is a key to any friendship. There is nothing wrong with contacting a friend every once in awhile, but overarching contact can make a person feel uncomfortable.

I had a problem with this a couple of years ago with a childhood friend that had been the mayor of his community when it experienced a bad flood. We had been out of contact for over 10 years, save for a couple of times that we had run into one another out and about. I thought it was my duty as a friend to him to assist him with getting his home and community back up. While in some ways he was grateful for the assistance that I was able to provide, I was declined for providing other types of assistance. Looking back, I wish that I had in a number of cases picked up on the subtle cues that he had given me in declining my assistance. Even though I had been of great help in bringing his community back, this obsessiveness that I had about it had it had made his wife, children and other people that were on his city council uncomfortable. Due to this he rebuffed me totally in a very nasty fashion.

Lastly, the best thing that you can do is get involved in a church and/or other activities. It can give you a variety of people to socialize with, so you are not leaning on one person for support and social acitivites. When you have a number of acquaintances, it allows you to spread your social acitivity around.



Airyx
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21 Sep 2010, 2:18 pm

Unfortunetly, this is a really common thing for me to do. Once I get a friend, I'm really clingy, following him or her around etc. I'm just really afraid to loose the person. I mean...I finally got a friend!

So yeah. I remember one time when I was...about twelve? Yeah, twelve. My friend and I had decided to be with each other in the weekend. She didn't call when we had planned...so I decided to call her. No answer. Call again. Her father answers and says she's walking the dog right now...put together...I think I called about sixteen times. No joking. I just did not understand that it was considered weird. I don't like meetings being cancelled.

I'm fifteen now though, and better at understanding where the line between being clingy and being a friend goes...a bit better, at least. I just change friends a lot. I have a hard time keeping them.



Talis
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24 Sep 2010, 12:41 am

I'm fairly clingy I think. I like to talk to my friends pretty much every day. If I don't see them I think/ worry about them. Currently I only have one, but I try not to be annoying and bug her if she's busy or anything. If she doesn't respond I just go do something else until she messages me or tries to contact me (She's an online friend). Realistically I know if she wants to talk that she'll make an effort just like I would.

I do remember as a kid I had a friend who wasn't answering the phone. I was only like 10 years old at the time. I called like 15 times and then walked over only to be screamed at by his jackass father. Realistically I was being annoying when I look back, but hell the dad could have answered too lol.

My most previous friend, I had been a friend with for 4 years, and I hold no grudges. We were like brothers but something felt wrong. I actually felt more and more like distancing myself from him because he kept accusing me of things, and I think the clingyness I had portrayed before I distanced myself seemed like I was insincere or something. It seemed like he was afraid I was using him for things when I wasn't. Then when I distanced myself for a few weeks he started going off on me when I returned... so I just altogether stopped talking to him and disappeared. I didn't know I was aspie at the time so I had no real defense other than saying I was weird when he would get mad and ask me why I did certain things.

Ever try finding clingy friends? I like them the most :)



Major_G
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29 Sep 2010, 12:18 pm

Oh, wow...I used to do this stuff all the time, but I never realized I was being creepy about it.