Helping AS girl with social interaction

Page 1 of 1 [ 14 posts ] 

glamourdollxoxo
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 91
Location: Midwest

26 Sep 2010, 2:08 pm

I attend church and there is a girl who lives in the community who attends as well who is about 26 or 27. She is a really sweet girl, but she has boundary issues like she will constantly ask if she can hug you or she will put her arms around your neck trying to hug you without asking and it's starting to make things awkward because I can tell other people are uncomfortable but they don't know how to broach the subject. What can I do to help her with her social skills in regards to interacting with others appropriately and respecting their boundaries?



Meadow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,067

26 Sep 2010, 2:11 pm

It doesn't sound like AS to me.



Peko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,381
Location: Eastern PA, USA

26 Sep 2010, 2:12 pm

The only advice I can give you with this is if/when she approaches you, tell her "do not touch me", etc. if she tries to hug you & throw in that you prefer it when people asked and get your permission before they touch you. If you and other people do this, hopefully she'll pick up on asking permission at least before going through other's boundaries.


_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


Fudo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,696

26 Sep 2010, 2:51 pm

i think wording it as 'do not touch me' would be rude and it seems to me the OP wants to treat this sensitively..
if nothing else 'please do not touch me' would be nice and still essentially the same message.. maybe add because 'please do not touch me because..' it's inappropriate, i don't know you etc whatever seems appropriate. but i don't claim any wisdom, was just my first thought on the matter.. i encounter this fairly often as i have ocd relating to mysophobia and so generally think all people are unclean and dangerous because of it, though i accept this is an irrational fear.. i've seen the difference between saying 'do not touch me' and 'please do not touch me'.. is sometimes small and insignificant, sometimes the difference between someone thinking i'm very rude and even aggressive or just scared and trying to inform as soon as possible.
fudo



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

26 Sep 2010, 3:19 pm

What makes you think this is AS? Most people with AS would never do this, and would generally not want other individuals to be so close to them....and also have the sense not to hug a stranger or just jump right in and touch someone.

I would just tell her she needs to stop hugging people and touching people and shouldn't touch people without asking, unless it's to assist them in an emergency situation.



buryuntime
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2008
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,662

26 Sep 2010, 3:35 pm

If the person has AS they would benefit from someone telling them straight-up "Do not touch me / do not touch people without asking, it's impolite and makes people uncomfortable." She's not going to understand your side-stepping around the situation.



necroluciferia
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Sep 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 181
Location: UK

26 Sep 2010, 3:36 pm

I don't get the whole notion of people hugging people they barely know. I can't even stand it when my parents try to hug me. I certainly don't think that sounds like AS.



buryuntime
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2008
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,662

26 Sep 2010, 3:45 pm

Actually, it is possible for someone with AS to have boundary issues but it would seem even more unusual for an adult to have these issues. I'm going to guess it's because she's a girl. If a man were going around hugging people inappropriately, something would be immediately said. So again: be blunt.



Meadow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,067

26 Sep 2010, 3:54 pm

Not every diagnosis is an accurate one. And at the rate it's going, everyone is on the spectrum.



OddFiction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,090
Location: Ontario, Canada

26 Sep 2010, 4:30 pm

Dude. Whatever her issues, see if the pastor will take care of it. He's boss of the group, it's his job.


_________________
By simply doing what they are designed to do something large and magnificient happens. In this sense they show us how to live; The only barometer you have is your heart. When you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way. - John Laroche


chessimprov
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 295
Location: Philadelphia

26 Sep 2010, 5:25 pm

Collage would be a great group for her, but this group is located near Philadelphia. If there are groups like it in your area, then this could be a great resource and social and interaction builder for her.



PunkyKat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,492
Location: Kalahari Desert

26 Sep 2010, 6:12 pm

Meadow wrote:
It doesn't sound like AS to me.


It dosen't seem like AS it me either.


_________________
I'm not weird, you're just too normal.


LostAlien
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,577

26 Sep 2010, 6:23 pm

Fudo wrote:
i think wording it as 'do not touch me' would be rude and it seems to me the OP wants to treat this sensitively..
if nothing else 'please do not touch me' would be nice and still essentially the same message.. maybe add because 'please do not touch me because..' it's inappropriate, i don't know you etc whatever seems appropriate. but i don't claim any wisdom, was just my first thought on the matter.. i encounter this fairly often as i have ocd relating to mysophobia and so generally think all people are unclean and dangerous because of it, though i accept this is an irrational fear.. i've seen the difference between saying 'do not touch me' and 'please do not touch me'.. is sometimes small and insignificant, sometimes the difference between someone thinking i'm very rude and even aggressive or just scared and trying to inform as soon as possible.
fudo


Explaining directly would seem to be best here. Saying to this girl that she should always ask someone if it's ok to hug them and that it's best to hug people who she knows well because strangers/people she knows less well may not be comfortable with it or misinterpret it.

It seems that no one else is doing this. Also, there is a real danger about the misinterpretation, she may get into a situation that she didn't intend without a warning.



Fudo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,696

27 Sep 2010, 4:07 am

why the quote? is my suggestion being interpreted as indirect and/or ambiguous? i don't see how it is..
just whether or not this girl has AS, i see no reason one can't be polite whilst still clearly explaining.. she apparently doesn't feel she is doing wrong and might be shocked to find out and may well be upset by being told essentially to 'stay away'. so i was simply suggesting trying to put it nicely. i thought it was almost needless to say that you must be clear and indeed i don't see how my suggestion is any less clear.
but maybe i misunderstood why i was quoted, if indeed there was a reason. apologies if so..
fudo