Disliking telephone conversations

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Do you dislike telephone conversations and prefer real life conversations? Is this common for aspies?

I do. I am trying to understand why I dislike the telephone because it does not seem to make sense. On the telephone, we cannot see any body language, but aspies are supposed to be blind to body language anyway, so that does not make sense as a reason to dislike the phone. Anyone have a theory?

Short utilitarian calls are OK, for example to place a take-out / take-away order with a restaurant. It is the telephone conversations that I dislike.

My last girlfriend, I never once called her for a conversation, only for utilitarian calls (for example, arranging to meet). Interestingly she never called me for a conversation either, again just utilitarian calls, and we had our conversations in real life, or phone text messages, or email. I did not ask her why, and she did not question me about it either. I think she has some aspie traits, perhaps that explains it. Anyway, I know why I did not call: I just do not like telephone conversations for some reason.

Maybe it is because receiving a call and having it become a conversation is a big unexpected unplanned interruption. I prefer things when they are planned. I have an answering/message machine on my telephone, and it is ALWAYS active even when I am home. I can interrupt the machine and answer the call before the person hangs up, but often I prefer to let them finish their message, and then I will call back, perhaps a substantial while later, thus allowing me to listen to their message and have a bit of planning time before calling them back or just simply to avoid it being a significant interruption.

If I was to initiate the call, then it can be planned, yet I dislike it regardless of who initiates the call, so the unplanned interruption theory does not exactly fit. Maybe because I know I do not like the unplanned interruption, unconsciously I do not want to inflict it on anyone else (do not want to do what I dislike to someone else).

Oh here is another possible explanation: Silence on the phone is much more awkward than silence in real life. In real life you can at least visually observe what is happening during silence, whereas on the phone there is simply nothing. So when on the phone there is more pressure on me to avoid any silence and to answer quickly. I hate having to answer quickly.

Speaking of answering quickly, if a genie appeared this very moment and offered me a few wishes, I would wish for all aspies to be able to think for 20 minutes before replying to each statement in a verbal conversation

I know what you mean although i kindove figured out how to cope with it. Recently my best freind went on holiday and i really missed him, and we spoke on the phone evrey evening. it was good. but thenn again he is another aspie so we both kindove get along with the phonbe our way. When i was down in restbite i use to speak to my foster mum on the phone this allways felt arkward. When ever i said anything i go tthe feeling she was goingto argue with it no matter what.

is this common?

i was tld (or i read) somewhere that telephone convosations are meant to be hard for aspies, but i am unsure. I don't mind them, but then again i do not love them. like you most of the phone calls i make are utiliterian. most of the phone calls i make are because i need to find somthing out. not just for a chat.

jammie

I used to be too scared of calling to make a phone call. I was fretting for hours or even a day & liked to put this call off...But this subsided. Nowadays - i mean since 2004 or so- i like to receive calls and initiate calls and like to talk for an hour so but the convo has to be fluent, organic, I hate silence on the phone more than in real life .
Although i cannot read facial expressions reliably and always , I t at least i look out for signs of tedium or annoyance in the face of the listener & then i can ask whether i talked too much...
In a phone conversation i do not share a situation or location with the other side so cannot bridge the silence and the only incentives and reasons for the convo are in the speakers....

I don't like some telephone conversations, especially if they are inappropriate.

I do agree with those of you who say they don't like to use the phone because it can be a form of unexpected communication.

I often turn off the ringer. I dislike the unexpectedness of the call and being interrupted and having to stop what I am doing to see who it is. I have the caller ID screen to so I can see beforehand who is calling so I can decide if I want to answer the phone or not. I also have a hard time understanding someone on the phone if there is background noise. At least in person you might be able to look at their mouth to see what they are saying to make sure you are following the conversation. So, that means that you really have to focus much harder on the phone and that makes it difficult to think of what to say when you are supposed to respond.

Phones should be illegal. They are annoying inconvienences, and nothing more. The only their really good for is ordering pizza.

I don't like phones in general but they do have their uses like you said ordering take out.
I realy hate incoming calls and carefully plan what I am going to say when I call people. I have a hard time hearing on the phone especially if there is any background noise and don't always know or understand what people say in person I can at least watch their lips to help figure it out.

Hate phones. Wouldn't have one if it wasn't for emergencies or take-out. Just glad they have caller ID now...at least I can see who's calling before I pick it up.

I cannot use call waiting...we had it once and it made me nuts...hard enough for me to carry on a conversation sometimes, let alone jump back and forth to see who else is calling at the same time...then when you have to call someone and they put you on hold for 15 minutes while they answer another call....

I love the telephone, I guess because my verbal IQ is high. I have trouble ending conversations though, I did go through a fearful stage with the telephone.

I had a best friend in high school who could not initiate calls, she had a phobia about when people answered the phone.

Paradoxically I have had 4 years call centre experience taking inbound enquiry calls. But I think I really just parrotted the other people around me somewhat, including supervisors, so I found it easy.

I can understand why people don't like them though.

I have always felt like there was a secret script for phone calls and I just didn't know it, so I'd always sound awkward and stupid. I have compensated by developing impeccable phone manners, and at least then I just err on the side of being too formal.

I prefer internet interactions (where things like emoticons can lessen the need for having the perfect tone of voice, facial expression, or body language), but in person is better than on the phone. While I can't read other people's body language and facial expression instantly, I can usually decode it quickly enough to give me extra clues on how to respond appropriately, and face-to-face interaction also allows for non-verbal stalling on my part if necessary. On the phone, everything is relying on my voice, which doesn't really express well how I am feeling, and the potential for misunderstanding is much greater.

I absolutely cannot stand talking on the phone. I used to not mind it so much when I was younger, but I get bored and want to pace around while on it. I had a verbally/emotionally abusive boyfriend a couple of years ago who, I guess wanted to train me to talk on the phone correctly. He'd keep me on the phone for hours and hours and hours on end. I hated it so much. After a while I'd run out of things to say so I'd just say the first things that came to mind, like "Oh, my kitty just came into the room and climbed on my lap." He was such an a** that he'd get mad at me for saying things like that. I don't understand the point of talking on the phone to someone for more than 30 minutes, especially if you're going to see them again in a day or two.

I also have the problem of not understanding what people say and I try to talk at the same time they talk. I guess I'm trying to visualize the conversation, have to stop and think about it, and then reply. By the time I make the transalation, the other person is talking again. It's like there's a pause time limit rule for phone conversations that I have not figured out yet. I love text messaging and e-mail though. It's so much easier when you can filter extra information out before replying to someone.

I truly hate to be interrupted by the telephone. I sometimes scream when someone calls and I'm doing something that I'm relaly interested in. And those nasty telemarketers! Those freaks should be banned from using the phone.

As far as general telephone use, nowadays it doesn't truly bother me.

Believe it or not, I had an odd obsession with the telephone when I was about eleven or twelve. It was the kind of obsession that my parents had to end, after running up their phone bill to $500 on two occasions. I would dial all sorts of numbers at random and make bizarre remarks to people at the other end. It was definitely sort of prank calling, but I seemed to be more interested in the sound of the voices while wondering who and where these people might be. It was weird.

- Ray M -

Regarding telemarketers, I handle that by having my telephone number as a silent listening (terminology may be different in other countries. I mean not included in the directory), which seems to help reduce calls. More effectively, I have my answering machine as I said, and telemarketers never leave messages. They just hear the machine, and immediately hang up. So I never have to listen to a word from telemarketers.

Re the $500 of prank calls, that is quite amusing

Re caller ID -- oh yes, another brilliant invention. Not applicable for my landline as I have the machine, but I love caller ID on my mobile phone (cell phone).

Sundy -- that boyfriend who kept you on the phone for hours and hours, that must have been really frustrating. Another annoying thing is when you tell people you need to go, and they ignore you and keep talking. You are trying to end the conversation politely, but they are not allowing it, and then if you just hung up, they would be angry at you and say how rude you were, regardless of the fact that they were rude for ignoring your request to end the call.

People always say i'm good on the telephone.

But I never want to answer it, because half the time it's wrong numbers or people I don't want to talk to.. I get a bit nervous when I have to ring people myself, too.

I thought I was getting better until dad (aspie) and me (aspie) had a terrible fight about who was going to ring this help line (neither of us wanted to do it) I ended up giving in, and mum was all like "OH YOU"RE SO GOOD ON THE PHONE!"

What I hate the most though is that annoying ring intterupting something i'm doing. But this is more a human thing than an aspie thing.

arrgghh!! I hate that too especially if i have to stop what I am doing to answer it because no one else will. The ringer also annoys the s**t out of me

Worse than telephone rings, IMHO, is an analog clock that makes an audible ticking. That drives me nuts. The last time I was sleeping in a room with one of those, I had to disable it before I could sleep.