nonstandard social responses

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or whatever I meant by it. It can go either way. but yeah I just need some thoughts on these points...

1) one reason I tend to avoid eye contact is because it does trigger a fight response in me, so yeah...

2) My tactile-defensiveness. I cant really be touched without me freaking out physically.

I've thought about these social responses a lot over the years and have concluded that they are signs that a person is very protective of themselves, which is a good thing. For other mammals, prolonged eye contact is a sign of aggression so it's perfectly reasonable that it would cause a fight response in people. Some people want to be seen as aggressive and dominant, but most people would rather avoid conflict. And a heightened tactile defensiveness means you're prepared to fight immediately if you ever come under attack. While this trait is less useful now than it once was, it's an evolutionary advantage. I have this problem, and to me it means that no one's ever going to hurt me physically. (I'm a girl who walks alone at night, so this trait has been very useful to me a few times even if it has caused social humiliation).

That's an interesting point MarigoldConstance, because whatever it is about eye contact and touch, it's not reasoned out, it's automatic.

Yeah, I have had the tactile defensiveness create problems for me in the past, such as when playing sports, or winding through crowded hallways.

Ive also noticed when I do get angry, I do tend to force air out of my mouth/lungs and through clenched teeth, as well as the fact my neck, shoulders and arms tense up to hell. Most people I know dont attribute that feeling when they themselves are angry, they just feel itin the pit of their stomach type of feeling. I dont get that at all.

I've noticed that I have an urge to do this whenever someone touches me & I don't see it coming. I've learned to control it a bit, but sometimes I still do accidentally hit someone.

It's important to remember that very few people who look you in the eyes or touch you are intending to make you angry. If you can give yourself just a few seconds to consider this, you may be able to stop a fight from happening. It's difficult, absolutely, but you will alienate yourself more if you hurt people.

Just tell any friends that do this that you don't like to be touched. My friends and coworkers are all aware of this, and it very rarely happens anymore. Eye contact is more difficult. I wear dark sunglasses so that, at least in some situations, I can look at the person without looking into their eyes.

i do not "avoid" eye contact. i just find it useless. i can not see how a persons pupils are a more important place to look than anywhere else.
when people talk to me about my lack of eye contact. it is like i was told to study a persons fingernails when they are saying things to me.
i could not care less about what their fingernails look like in the same way i can not care what a persons eyes look like.

eyes are objects, and i can not see any reason to look at them more than once.
i have a good memory and i can remember what a persons eyes look like after i have seen them once.
eyes look the same throughout a persons life because they stay the same color and shape, and i need not look again to remind myself what they look like, and i am sure they will not change shape or size or color.

once i have seen something, i do not need to look again.



i dislike being touched also. i do not understand why someone needs to touch me.
if they trip on something and hold me to break their fall, then i understand, but for someone to just reach out and touch me for no reason makes me worried that they have some sort of hidden agenda.

i let people who touch me for no reason know that i do not want them to do it again.

i feel quite ticklish, and i laugh when people touch me, but i do not enjoy being tickled, and they should not read my laughter as an invitation to keep touching me.

i envy oysters who are locked in an uninviting shell sometimes.