Creepy appearance

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I got to talking with some people and basically found out that they think I'm creepy. What is it about being autistic that gives a creepy outward appearance? I guess I'm on a mission to improve my impression of how I appear to others. I know I'm autistic, but I don't think that'd be an excuse to stop learning.

I've found that it is "human nature" to fear and reject what is not understood. If one does not "fit" into a designated mode of behavior, social skills, etc., that person will experience a level of rejection by those whom are not open to new experiences in interaction. Luckily, it's not universal, and sometimes an explanation of 'quirkiness' or 'eccentricity' is enough. Sometimes not.

Basically, try an explanation. If that doesn't work, move on.

I don't know. Post a photo and I'll give you some input.

Some general stuff I've noticed is that most guys I've met on the spectrum are either awkward (on occasion in an endearing way) or "creepy". Some general things to watch include your hygiene habits, even what you wear (laid back is perfectly acceptable but make sure your clothes are clean and you smell clean). Conversational stuff includes not asking others too many personal questions right away and; this one is probably the one that gets a lot of us on the spectrum, spacing out... if you tend to space out and it looks like you are staring at women or even men (I'm assuming you are straight male) THAT is creepy. Some people just have this... I can it an "aura" to them that makes them more or less approachable and comfortable to have around. Not everyone on the spectrum makes people uncomfortable but I'd expect most on the spectrum to have an extra layer of awkwardness to them.

Good question. I've been told the same thing on occasion--and I'm female.

A lot of it had to do with the way I dressed: I favored oversized shirts and jeans and I have this vest (a men's) that I love. That, along with liking flannel shirts and ignoring makeup made people think I had psychological problems/low self-esteem. (I REALLY hate social stereotypes! )

When I started dressing "better" (i.e., clothes that actually fit), that impression disappeared, more or less. I also had to learn how to change the way I acted, in subtle ways--that is, not looking like I was "in my own world" (yep, I do that too).

When I first took an Abnormal Psych class many years ago, I read this in the textbook's chapter on "developmental disorders" (which put ASD's in the same chapter as mental retardation and learning disorders--go figure ): these are the words of a young man with autism:



I've learned how to do this too. In private, or with those I'm closest too, like my bf, I can be myself. At work, school, etc., I go into my own "public display mode."

Some lower form of NT will say creepy because they are stupid, dont worry about trash like that.

Its mainly the wierd eye contact, learn what is appropriate

Last edited by Surfman on 13 Sep 2010, 7:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Most spectrumites who are described as creepy seem to be classified as such due to lack of eye contact, issues re: personal grooming/fashion, and a tendency not to talk much. That's the way I act in most social venues if left entirely to my own devices.

But I overcompensate by being freakishly effusive and outgoing, and I've always had profound hyperlexia, and that used to be considered creepy, too. For some reason it hasn't been in the last couple of years; either I'm getting better at this, or the people I hang out with these days are harder to freak out.


Cheers,

TH

I think that changing your outward appearance to seem more "normal" will do a world of good. Yes, it's silly for people to pay so much attention to this, but unfortunately that's just how it is. You see a person before you speak to them, before you get to know them. At least in the offline world.

Well-fitting clothing that has been taken care of and washed will really help. Choosing a style that's not too out of date, also. It's not necessary for you to be dressed perfectly, uncomfortably, or exactly on trend - just look like you care about your looks, whether or not you actually do. Wear deodorant, keep body spray (Axe and the like) at a minimum if you wear it at all, wash and comb your hair. If you don't already do these things, it may seem like a lot of extra work, but once you make a routine of everything it will be easy to continue. I used to dress in whatever I had - whether or not that was a pair of pants 5 sizes too big or a t-shirt that was way too small. Now I put more work into my appearance, so I am viewed as basically "normal." Little do they know..

If you want any help on choosing clothing, if this is one of your issues, you can PM me - I've developed an interest in fashion and can get you looking at the right type of clothing.

Also, every creeper I've met I'm certain does not have a spectrum diagnosis . Its NOT an AS trait

Creepy:
indecisive "hovering" on the outside of a conversation. it's better to barge in a bit than to hang back. (weird I know).
smiling a lot for no or very little reason (incomprehensible emotional state)
not smiling enough (looks like you're hiding something)
being too hesitant all the time (girls especially wonder what you're hiding that's so bad you are hesitant about it)
being "just there" but not doing or saying anything can get creepy after a while
trying to force an emotional state on someone else that you don't feel yourself [eg forced chuckles at the end of jokes]
saying things to yourself or under your breath or trying to pass them off "as an aside"
being too questionning and/or hesitatnt
asking for info before sharing your own
being physically forceful in any way
poor eye contact (looks untrustworthy, like you're scared to be seen for what you are)

Women especially find reserved/hesitant/unknown to be creepy. "Hi, I think you're sexy" is fine, "err... ummm... hi...err..." can be creepy. Overt is fine. Too reserved isn't. Low confidence is creepy.
It's really unfair how self-reinforcing this gets:
Positive response from people -> more direct and confident in future -> less creepy -> positive response in future
Negative response from people -> more hesitant and reserved in future -> more creepy -> negative response in future

Break the cycle

If some stranger walked up to me and said "Hi, I think you're sexy", I'd likely slap them.

Just do this. The silent indifference is how most people are able to deal with this.

Ohhhh man. There's *so* many ways to look creepy.

General areas to consider:

-physical features
-clothing
-hygiene
-style
-habit
-posture
-body language
-FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. (careful that you don't always stare, narrow your eyes, let your mouth hang open or sneer, etc.)

There's just too much to explain here, but these are the general categories. I wrote a whole section in my ebook dedicated to NOT looking creepy. It took HOURS to write.

I know. It's terribly unfair, too... there's so much in this world that can tear you down, it's hard to always portray this shining self assured image. It's so primitive to resort to calling someone creepy because they lack confidence. It's like, grow up.

I do admit that I've creeped out quite a few peope during my angry stage, when I was spiking my hair. People told each other to avoid me.

Lots of people think I look creepy because of things I have no control over. I have an extremly cr@ppy body I had really bad acne as a kid & I have lots of scars on my face as a result. I also have problems shaving my face because I have bad vision, bad motor skills & tremors. I can NOT do a perfect shave job. I can get my parents to help for something important like a job interview or & social function but the rest of the time I just do the best I can & it's NOT perfect. I also have some scares on my upper left arm from slashing myself 7 years ago. I don't like wearing long sleeved shirts because it's usually very hot & humid here. Short sleeves cover em but people might notice after a while depending what I'm doing with my arms. If anyone ask; I tell em I feel against a board that had some nails sticking out of it; my dad does work in carpentry so that was the best thing I can come up with. I'm also losing the hair on my head & I guess I could try shaving it or getting a tupe(SP) or something but I don't think I should have to,

People also think I'm creepy because of my facial expressions. I find weird things funny sometimes & even thou I'm not laughing I still smirk or grin when others think it's inappropriate. I cant display the "correct" emotions on my face. Also when I'm nervous or stressed out; my tremors act up & I also occasionally stutter or slur when I'm very nervous. I would need a different body to have a shot at not coming off as creepy. I kind of accepted that I'm a creep. It's probably partly why I've been unable to get a girl-friend