Interesting. Just a brief background here:
I'm not an aspy but have been dating a woman for about 1.5 years whose son is. He is 26 years old.
It has been quite the education learning about this disorder and what compelled me to respond was the allusion to 'feeling' in your post. From an outsider's point of view it would appear that those with AS do not have an emotional component about them or if they do, it's well hidden and narrow in breadth. There are a lot of 'formalities' that go on in person-person interaction that are steeped in age-old politeness really having nothing to do with who the person is or what they're about. However, not displaying these, particularly when meeting for the first time, will brand you toxic. If a non AS person displays one of these characteristics the same will happen with them. So, while it seems ridiculous to 'play' the socializing game it is A. necessary and B. sort of easy to get good at.
Things that have worked well for Adam, the son are:
1. Make good eye contact, but don't stare.
2. Attempt to ask at least ONE question about the other person whether you care or not. Again, it's a formality but not doing so will hurt/end a budding friendship.
3. If the other person doesn't know you suffer with this simply tell them. "If I seem distant or non-empathetic please know that it's not that I don't care....it's just part and parcel to the condition. He found most folks to be quite receptive to this.
So, that's my .02 and I hope you have had some better interactions since the date of this post Steampower!
22 Sep 2010, 1:34 pm
