social common sense filters

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What are some things you've done that have helped you to develop a better social filter? If I could go back to my teen years I would get help from a counselor. Someone who I could go to on a daily or weekly basis and ask "what should I have said in this situation?" Someone who could guide me step by step like that.

By filter I mostly mean to be mindful of what I say - to know where "crossing the line" is, to know what's appropriate. But also to be able to figure out what other people mean if they're speaking in a polite, indirect way.

Looking back, the funny part was not being aware of the lack of a social filter. A complete inability to see myself. I didn't talk very much so didn't get a lot of feedback from people. Then when I did start talking a little in my 20s, when I said something inappropriate it would take several times before it sunk in. Usually that would mean several times spanned over months or years. A glacially slow process of learning by screwing up.

The internet. I've seriously learned everything social I know from the internet-- just by observing different chats, forums, IM and participating gradually. Probably not the best advice however... I depend on looking up definitions of many things while doing so, particularly emotions.

I used the internet as well, guides to manners, wikipedia articles on etiquette, most of the "rules" made no sense whatsoever either but I remembered them. Even other forums have helped. But I still can't really use this information in real life as well as I'd like to.

My social interaction stereotypes were mostly formed by reading excessively as a kid/young teen.
As a teen, I tended to provoke a lot, I think my main goal was to see "clean" and strong reactions.
Once I realize a shortcoming, it is just a matter of time until I figure out a ways to deal with it, even though my ways of doing that aren't always ... graceful.
I learn a lot more by observing other people's behaviour and making up little stories about why they acted in a certain way and why somebody reacted in the way they did, because that leaves me time to prime myself to act/not act in a certain fashion. When I make a fauxpas myself I go into panic mode and somehow, the whole situation gets frozen in my memory and it's difficult to do the whole priming thing.

Honestly, The Office.

A lot of the jokes in the show are sometimes the characters' reaction or facial expressions. And not only in the jokes, but in everything. And knowing what the character is feeling or thinking.
Plus, the main character, Michael, seems to be a real Aspie.
So watching his character and observing his behavior, and watching the characters' reactions to his behavior, really helps knowing what the border is, at the VERY LEAST. lol

But watching that has helped me to be able to read facial expressions better.
So reading peoples facial expression in real life sort of serves as a guide as to what to say and what not to say.

But it's not only the Office, but also reading on the Internet and watching videos about aspergers, and trying to learn as much as possible about it and understanding how people think. All of that and experience. Learning from having said many inappropriate things or hearing other people say stuff like that and understanding that that is inappropriate...

Cool! The Office is about the last thing I expected to hear.


That's a good one. Focus on reading facial expressions. Just observe and learn. In addtion to facial expressions, could also begin to observe body language or tone of voice more closely.

Years of trial and error and plenty of body language books, videos etc
And lots and lots of observation. I have quite alot of knowledge on body language and what signals mean, now all I need to do is apply it to real life situations . I don't think books and analysing is a good enough substitute for social intuition, it's got to be there from day one.

May be this can help you people:
See this link http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf135648-0-15.html
where i share my experiences of life which led me to understand the complex nature of language. I also come up with 4 rules and have provide enough evidences in their favour.

One of your rules: "Rule 3 Many of the words (verbs) are actually persons (nouns) and other or at the same time related to sex, womb and gestation."

This is SO far from the truth. Anyone reading this, I would not even begin to listen to daspie's "rules". He has a very warped view of social interaction.

First of all these rules let us interpret language non-literally and not literally for we already know that our deficiency lies in interpreting language non-literally.
Please have the patience of reading the full thread if you don't want to believe in the rule 3 ,which has actually been most difficult for aspies here, then atleast consider rule 1 and 2 and once you understand them they will eventually lead you to discover the rule 3. Please realize that the on the basis of these rules I have been successfully able to explain the humour in these two videos

Those rules apply in some situations - that's called humor. But it every day situations, they do not apply. Numbers 1 and 2 are obvious. Someone is speaking to you, and their words have meaning. But not every single word has a hidden meaning. Sometimes, if someone asks to borrow a pen from you, they mean that they need a pen. There is no hidden meaning, no non-verbal cues.

I wouldn't particularly advise this. Aspies have a tendency to want to exist on the internet and not meet people in real life. Know that the more time you spend on the internet, the less time you'll spend in the active social arena of face-to-face conversation, which is a skill that can only be practiced in real time. A lot of communication over the internet is very different than it is in real life situations. It's great you are looking for solutions online though, just make sure you don't spend all your time there. Go out into the world and apply what you've read!

I'm pretty sure I've gotten worse at this in recent years. My theoretical understanding of social common sense has improved immensely, but since I finally taught myself to speak around other humans a couple years ago, I find I say far too much and all the wrong things.

I certainly hope not.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRnoUNwFOkE[/youtube]

I feel like I've done the same. Though it may be that now I'm hyper aware of all the stupid crap that comes out of my mouth.

I've learned social skills in college, at my first job at my clubhouse and on the Internet.