Always wind up going out alone

Post Reply New Topic

Ever feel like you're trapped in a gulf a loneliness? For example, I'm going to go see "Black Swan" tonight, and I'd like for someone to go with me. Yet, I feel so uncomfortable asking a guy friend because it'd be just him and me, not a group, and I fear that he will be weirded out or think I'm gay or something. Being that it's a ballet movie doesn't help either. Its worse for girls, because they almost always seem to read it as a date request and reject it.

I just want to scream about all these invisible rules everyone adheres to, which seem set up to keep me alone. I just want someone who'll go to the goddamn motherfucking movies with me, and yet there is the perception of ulterior motives that gets in the way!

Yeah, I am the same way. I'm gay, but many gay men and most women irritate me, so the easier yeses are out; straight men know its not a date but they prefer groups as far as I can tell (perhaps so it doesn't look like a date?). I just gave up for the most part. If my roommate can't go, then I go alone. It's okay at the movies because I work there and seeing films alone is totally normal for staff. It's okay at restaurants because I read books voraciously and sit there for hours and tip well. It's okay at museums and such because I'm earphones-in with attention silently focused on exhibits. It's really only weird in terms of events and festivals, so I typically have to skip those.

I've only recently realized how much fun it can be to do things alone, but it would be nice to vary it. Just focus on the positives of going out alone. It's usually cheaper (I don't know why but it has proven true for me); you don't have to worry about making plans intersect, you don't have to compromise all day . . .

If it's like Tuesday or Wednesday night, socially you can go alone and it's just fine. Of course you don't have someone to talk with about the movie afterwards and I take it is one of the things you're looking for?

And I think a lot of it is the luck of the draw. Sometimes three social things in a row can work out, and then other times three social things in a row can not work out. I've had some success with meetup.com but not enormous (I guess people tend to kind of be on guard, and shy away from anyone 'different').

Perhaps send an email invitation to a group of people that you know (including men and women), instead of asking them one by one. Done this way, it will be blatantly obvious that the invitation is open to anyone and not directed to a specific person.

If you end up with only one person accepting, it will be clear that being alone with the other person (man or woman) was not by design, so it should be fine, as there is no possible confusion with a date.

I generally don't mind going places without friends or anything, but if you want to go with a group, try and get into a group you can go with would be my advice.

I usually go out alone, restaurants, stores, malls, anywhere really. I never saw it as a problem until I saw someone I knew out in public and the first thing they asked was "why are you eating alone!?" as if it was breaking the law or something. I mean its bad enough being lonely, but for it to be noticed or brought to my attention like I wasnt aware of it is annoying.

If I had a friend - boy or a girl I would ask them. I remember when I was like 10 or 11 my friend asked me to see spice world with him, It was me, his dad, and him. I wouldn't go anywhere alone, so I'd ask someone regardless. Also I remember once going to the mall alone along time ago.. and I saw this huge group of kids, around my age then 16 and I just joined up with them. Maybe like 20 of them in all, we didn't know each other but I tagged along and got to know some of them.

I don't think there's a problem with 2 guys going to the movies...provided they sit a seat apart in the theater.

However, if it's a ballet/romantic film, I wouldn't even ask, because that would *understandably* make him uncomfortable.

Personally speaking, I like to invite a group of people. Or at least two other people. And if you want to go alone, go. It's a dark theater. You're going for the visual/sound effects (+ the cookie dough candy rolls ) There have been times I PURPOSELY went to movies alone, just to absorb it all myself without people whispering comments in my ear the whole time. lol

Most people see it as "strange" perhaps, but we all know perfectly normal people who do it, so they're just .

I guess you can always ask somebody that you know well. Or you can ask somebody by e-mail. It saves time and they feel more comfortable rejecting it if they don't want to go. And women won't see it as a date because you can't ask a woman out on a date by e-mail. Personally, I like gong out alone. I can do everything faster without waiting for anyone.

I think this has a lot of potential, although like any social skill, it will sometimes work and sometimes not. Human beings (ourselves fully included!) are just too complicated for anything else. I'm learning that it's about playing the odds, and doing so with a light touch.