Friendships, interaction and compartmentalizing

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So some of you know that one of my fascinations is social interaction and people. And by way of an aspie, I suppose I'm fairly good at it, but I have areas where no amount of studying will help.

Some of you are more like me and probably have several friends others probably none. I started this thread so that those of you who have friends can explain how it came to be, and maybe others who aren't so good at friends can use your examples.

I'll go first.
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My first "friends" were actually my brothers friends. They heralded me through to the point in time where I started teaching myself about social interaction.

At that point, I noticed this guy that was hanging out with me all the time in ROTC (in highschool). To be honest, I think he had been there as long as middleschool but I had only just then noticed. His name was Matt, and I took him in as my friend. (It's important to note at this point that my brother refered to Matt as my "Milhouse".) Matt all the sudden did something I could have never done. He gathered together a group of people with common interests and we all suddenly started hanging out all the time. They carried me through those early years until college arrived and I had become able to fend for myself in friendships. The core of this group of friends is still together. I left in 1997 to transfer to college in Alabama. I still keep in touch.

After that, in the dorm at Jacksonville State, I fell into another group. They were extreme friendly, if somewhat unusual alcoholics. They lived across the hall, left their door open all the time and slowly I began to notice everyone on the hall would go by there and hang out. It wasn't too long before they would coax me into the room. I would come in, hang out for a bit, mostly watching until someone tried to engage me in conversation. As luck would have it, we had similar taste in music. I would usually disappear when nobody was watching after about thirty minutes (usually when I had my fill). As time grew, I would stay longer and longer. I learned much about fine social interaction during these years. My friendship with this group continued on through grad school, and I'm still very close with them.

In grad school (again in Jacksonville), I returned to the dorm. This time, much more socially adept, I was able to aquire several friends in the dorm, at work (the university police department) and around campus. Although I was seen as a little eccentric, I was generally liked for my competence, useful advice and my conversational ability, mostly into obscure in depth topics (I hid my true self from people well).

It was during this period that an interesting thing happened. I knowingly compartmentalized my friends, going from group to group like an outdoor cat goes between families that know it by a different name. I kept my friends separate even though I probably had better reasons to merge the groups (I realized that in hindsight).

Most my normal friends try to integrate their groups, but I never had any desire to do such. I theorize now that it had something to do with the fact that I didn't want to change anything. I felt "safe" with things being the way they were. It was convienient because each group fulfilled certain needs.

I know I'm more successful that a lot of aspies, but some of you have done fairly well in the friendship department. Did anyone else ever segregate their friends like this?

Please feel free to add to this as you will...

I went to a small highschool where everyone knew everyone.
I had a lot of friends there.
When I went to college, I met some people who lived in the same suite.
I just decided to go with the flow. And eventually there was a large group of us.
Sometime in college I realized that I was a little more than odd.
I did not develop any other friendships. I always kept to myself. I only became friends with these people because they were hospitable and I was around them a lot due to living arrangements.

Later when I started working, I realized that I had begun compartmentalizing my life.
I was one person at work and another with my friends.
And then I had the friends from highschool, which just seemed like another world altogether, and I let them all drift out of my life eventually.

Now I have scattered friends from college who I find it increasingly difficult to relate to.
And I have people that I meet on the internet.

I'm not sure how to answer this. Many times I would integrate my friend groups (such as work acquaintances and online friends, or high school friends who live far away and college friends who have scattered), but it's not geographically feasible.

I'm a little different between groups, but not much. Each group kinda has a different flavor to it that I like. I've not drifted as much from my friends and I still keep up with most of them. It's been a while since we were all together and we've been thinking about a sort of reunion. In the last year I've tried to move away from compartmentalizing, and I've been trying to integrate my friends. As that's happened, I've found that I actually had nothing to worry about to begin with.



I would have loved to integrate my highschool friends into my college friends, since that first group is largely responsible for the roots of my social identity. Be geography makes that impossible for me too (my highschool friends are all back in Charlotte, North Carolina -- While me and my college friends are in Alabama). Although one time a few of my college friends came home with me so we could go to a concert in Charlotte and we hung out with my highschool buddies some. It was very surreal, seeing two groups of people from different epochs of my life interacting in ways that I could never interact when meeting new people. I can't describe that feeling.

Yeah, I forgot to mention, that I was in a band in highschool, and that continued into college, during the summer and on breaks. So then I started bringing my college friends into that world, and it was very hard for me to deal with. They were all very different people. Fall of my sophomore year my college friends all came with me to Georgia for a show, and a bandmate's college, and my other band mate brought all his college friends. It was as very surreal.

With my job, it was like, I was getting payed to play this character, this very friendly outgoing salesman type. Then I would go home, and basically not want to interact with anyone.

I also have this problem with my friends and my parents. When they are together, it is painful for me to watch. Everyone turns on their social babble machine, and I just tune out. I have no idea how to deal with those situations anymore. ...

I know completely what you mean. Especially since at one point I was a police officer. Every day I had to let out my inner type "A" personality. It's strange, because at work I could really hide behind that persona. In fact it highlights something about me that's interesting to point out: If I didn't have the handicaps of the AS socially, I believe I would be an aggressive type "A" personality. Most people who have befriended me, initially thinking I was extremely shy, have noticed I shift from a "B" to more of an "AB" personality once I get comfortable with them. In fact, on these message boards I've generally felt more comfortable in that "AB" mode.