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Clyde
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14 Oct 2010, 1:15 am

I mean this financially and emotionally too. You know I finally have had some people this college year. In all my life I have never really been popular, coasted along life having no real friends. I never went outside as much, never went to shops, never went shopping, never bought anything. This year I made some friends, or I'd think they are friends. And I even started going to a club meetup. I have found people who get me somewhat. And I felt freer, I felt more independent, and confident to be in a NT world. I got a vehicle and could go anywhere. I don't have a lot of finance, but enough for food and necessities.
But I got into a fight with my parents. I wanted the experience of not being a wallflower. They want me to have a job and want me to have finances before I go out and do all these things, these friends are planning. I'm thinking of just cutting them off. Breaking up their friendship. Before I become addicted to independence. Before I become addicted to this kind of lifestyle. Friendships are just to expensive. I can't afford to have them. If I have them, I lose all the integrity of who I am. I lose my parents trust and care. I lose everything I cherished.

Am I making the right decisions? Should I just cut them off? They'll hate me for the rest of the semester. But maybe the best decision is to go at it alone. Alone until I have a job.
Stay under a rock and be a hermit.

I just don't any more. I enjoyed being liked, being in a group of people and feeling like I belonged somewhere. But now my family makes me feel like I don't belong here because I am always gone.

When Monday-Thursday I have college so of course I'm always gone. Thursday I have club meetings. But I'm just going to severe ties with that club too.


What am I suppose to do? How am I suppose to do any of this? In the real working world. In a job, I won't have employee friends. I won't be able to feel the last breaths of teen youth to young adult youth freedom.

I feel like I am being forced to choose between family or independence and freedom and experience new things.

I don't know what to do.



SuperApsie
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14 Oct 2010, 1:49 am

First, most of the people struggle with money, and you and your friends don't need to spend money in order the friendship to exist. You can meet at home most of the time rather than going out systematically. So, to my opinion, it is not a parameter.

There is a hierarchy in friendship, from the people you kind of like and see them regularly and not by choice... up to the people you will scarify everything for and will do the same for you. You will be lucky if you will have more than 5 people that fall in the latest category in your all life.

Having money before going out is all about image, and the less sparkling, the better the friends. Believe me your best friends are the ones that will still be here when you will be in trouble

So my advice is don't cut them off, and get a job (these 2 are independent and I suppose your parents are more worried about you getting a job)


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Clyde
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14 Oct 2010, 1:52 am

Well I didn't just mean expensive as in financially. I meant more emotionally.



SuperApsie
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14 Oct 2010, 2:02 am

Clyde wrote:
Well I didn't just mean expensive as in financially. I meant more emotionally.


There is always an emotional price to pay, it has just to be fair. It is harder for us aspies, but with time and practice you'll get a tougher skin. If you decide to cut them off you will just postpone this emotional adaptation and decrease the odds of making good friends that pay this emotion back. Sometimes the best friends are friends of friends...


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Clyde
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14 Oct 2010, 2:06 am

SuperApsie wrote:
There is always an emotional price to pay, it has just to be fair. It is harder for us aspies, but with time and practice you'll get a tougher skin. If you decide to cut them off you will just postpone this emotional adaptation and decrease the odds of making good friends that pay this emotion back. Sometimes the best friends are friends of friends...


Nothing is ever free in life. Not even friendship. And I am just having a very very hard time adjusting.



Keeno
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14 Oct 2010, 7:23 am

I find the emotional cost would be far more expensive if I didn't have a circle of friends, or a social life.



Clyde
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14 Oct 2010, 9:07 am

Keeno wrote:
I find the emotional cost would be far more expensive if I didn't have a circle of friends, or a social life.


Really?

Cause I liked not having to focus on all the unspoken rules you should know how to perform.



SuperApsie
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14 Oct 2010, 9:02 pm

Clyde wrote:
Nothing is ever free in life. Not even friendship. And I am just having a very very hard time adjusting.


I understand, I went through the very same questions many times in my life. I fully cut off only once but there were many other parameters, and above all: a completely new opportunity.
I cut off with some specific people because of specific reason (outrageous rise in emotional price with one, that other one who wanted to impress people to much and became expensive in money for nothing in my opinion)

I did not cut off, for the purpose of cutting off (with one exception). And after some years, even if not everything went always well, I do not regret the bad and I enjoyed the good. So my advice is: don't


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Atama
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15 Oct 2010, 10:57 am

Clyde wrote:
Keeno wrote:
I find the emotional cost would be far more expensive if I didn't have a circle of friends, or a social life.


Really?

Cause I liked not having to focus on all the unspoken rules you should know how to perform.

I think like that too. I don't want friends because friendship asks for a lot of attention and energy.